Barack Obama, a Hot Blonde and a Syringe Walk into a Room

The days were cold. The nights were long. He was needed it real bad, and she was the only one who had the fix.

President Obama got his swine flu shot, is what I'm saying.

Tags: Barack Obama, Health Care, Swine Flu

Rush Limbaugh Declares War on Accumulated Knowledge and Understanding

Rush Limbaugh fights back against the evil scientists and their devious scheme to vaccinate Americans against influenza…

The bottom line of the study is the swine flu was much less severe than feared. A companion story here from the medical editor of something: "Four out of five people who called the swine flu line for Tamiflu did not actually have the disease." A bogus scandal! A bogus pandemic! You combine this with the UK story [Climategate] and we can see what's happened here, a manufactured, phony crisis. Hoax and change…

Kathleen Sebelius showing us how to sneeze on our arms so that we wouldn't destroy all of human life before global warming got us. We are the targets of lies, damn lies and science and scientists are rapidly becoming as trustworthy as politicians.

All I can say is thank God we have brave soldiers like Rush Limbaugh who are prepared to declare war on "systematic knowledge of the physical or material world gained through observation and experimentation."

Take that, Big Science! We're not gonna take to test tubes and petri dishes and electron microscopes anymore! No longer will we live under the tyranny of your statistical analysis and proposed explanations for classes of natural phenomena!

Every new day in which Rush Limbaugh talks truly is a better day for the human race. With his help, we'll have put an end to this liberal period of enlightenment in no time.

(via The Intersection)

Tags: Climate Change, Rush Limbaugh, Science & Technology, Swine Flu

Colbert Interviews DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano was Stephen's guest on The Colbert Report last night and it was an interesting interview, though I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed that he didn't ask her about her ice cream. The American people deserve to know if she plans to add a long-rumored fourth flavor!

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Tags: Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, Secret Service, Stephen Colbert, Swine Flu, Terrorism, The Colbert Report, Video

The Onion: Obama's Declaration of Swine Flu Emergency Prompts Pro-Swine-Flu Republican Response

The Onion pretty much sums up everything there is to sum up here. I think we can all go home now…

Claiming that the president was preying on the public's fear of contracting a fatal disease last week when he declared the H1N1 virus a national emergency, Republican leaders announced Wednesday that they were officially endorsing the swine flu…

Other prominent Republicans opposing Obama's declaration of emergency include Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal, who urged residents of his state to continue not washing their hands, and radio host Rush Limbaugh, who made a point of dying of the virus during his show on Wednesday.

I don't think there's anything to add to that. We can probably all just go home now.

See also: U.S. Continues Quagmire-Building Effort In Afghanistan

Tags: Afghanistan, Barack Obama, Bobby Jindal, Health, Military, Republicans, Rush Limbaugh, Swine Flu, The Onion

Please Don't Panic, But We're All Gonna Die from the Swine Flu

So, we've got some good news and some bad news about the Swine Flu, or the H1N1 flu, as people who are afraid of saying "Swine Flu" call it.

The good news is that one day there will probably be some good news about it. The bad news is that we're all gonna die…

President Obama has declared a national emergency to deal with the "rapid increase in illness" from the H1N1 influenza virus.

"The 2009 H1N1 pandemic continues to evolve. The rates of illness continue to rise rapidly within many communities across the nation, and the potential exists for the pandemic to overburden health care resources in some localities," Obama said in a statement.

Politicians! Always sugar-coating everything.

But, really, this is all much worse than it sounds. (Unless you're dead already, in which case it probably doesn't sound like anything.) Look, see! You might maybe one day get to have a vaccine hopefully…

Kathleen Sebelius, secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services, said the vaccine is coming off the production lines slower than the administration would like, but that there will eventually be enough vaccine for everyone.

Yeah, because once the first dozen or so million people have already succumbed to the virus and been placed in one of the neat piles of corpses that will be erected outside all our major cities, the demand for a vaccine should really taper off and reach a level closer to the actual amount of vaccine shots available.

And then deciding who gets those will be a simple matter of fighting it out inside the Thunderdome.

You didn't really think the government was ill-prepared for this, did you?

Tags: Barack Obama, Health, Kathleen Sebelius, Obama Administration, Swine Flu