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TDS Writers
  • From the Writers of The Daily Show – "Rogue" Palin

    Sarah Palin has been accused of "going rogue" after criticizing McCain's decisions to robocall voters and halt campaigning in Michigan. Is that "going rogue"? Because when we think of rogue, we usually think of something like…

    * Jack Bauer torturing his boss for a better parking space

    * A cop who turns in his gun and badge, but won't quit til he catches Mendoza.

    * Taking your men behind enemy lines to find Nazi gold

    * That one nose hair that keeps growing back despite repeated clipping

    * that Pringles guy quitting his barbershop quartet to make potato chips

    * Stealing the basketball from your own teammate to make a half court hook shot, with 10 minutes left in the quarter

    * Joining Fight Club, then talking about Fight Club to anyone who will listen

    * Going to Build-a-Bear Workshop and making a "cat"

    Tags: Sarah Palin, TDS Writers
  • From the Writers of The Daily Show: What a VP Does

    Overheard in the writers room: Governor Sarah Palin misspoke recently when she told a curious third grade class that the vice president was "in charge of the US senate, so if they want they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy." What are some other misconceptions Palin has about the responsibilities of a VP?

    * The vice president can also shoot lasers from her eyes and gets to ride a magical pony to sleep every night.

    * A big part of the vice president's job is putting thousands of tiny classified ads in newspapers across the country. It's just that simple? Yes it is.

    * The vice president also gets to break ties on American Idol.

    * She's the president of vices: smoking, drinking all that stuff.

    * She's like the president's cleaner. If he's got a body to get rid of, that's her job.

    Tags: Sarah Palin, TDS Writers
  • From the Writers of The Daily Show: Biden Gaffe

    Overheard in the writers room: Democratic VP candidate Joe Biden, known for his loose-lippedness, made his most recent gaffe at a closed-door fundraiser in Seattle when he guaranteed that an Obama presidency would be tested by terrorists within its first six months, and that he could describe "at least four or five scenarios from where it might originate." What were some of those scenarios?

    * England decides it wants its colonies back.

    * A second Sex and the City movie.

    * North Pole melts; Santa drowns.

    * Iran develops the "gay bomb."

    * Muppets actually take Manhattan.

    * The infectious rhythm of Carnivale actually turns infectious.

    * Russians decide that they do not in fact love their children.

    * Alaska secedes from union under King Todd.

    * World out of Botox.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Joe Biden, TDS Writers
  • From the Writers of The Daily Show: Silver Linings

    With the stock market plummeting to new lows despite a federal bailout plan, Americans have been hit hard by the fear of fiscal uncertainty. But there are silver linings to even this economic crisis, for example:

    * You don't need as much math to count your money

    * ATMs can be turned into urinals on purpose

    * There's no bulge from a wallet in your back pocket, so you'll sit more comfortably in an airplane not going anywhere

    * You don't have to feel guilty for not giving homeless people money

    * You finally havea use for that barrel and suspenders

    * You can get more use out of that hobo Halloween costume

    * Who doesn't love soup?

    * Shallow materialism replaced by deep poverty

    * You get to go camping all the time!

    * There's no sales tax on barter

    Tags: Economy, TDS Writers
  • From the Writers of The Daily Show: Economic Pundits

    On a recent "This Week", stock trader Art Cashin joined George Stephanopoulos to comment on the current state of the market. Other upcoming economic pundits may include:

    * Gary S. Sell!sell!sell! ("the S. stands for Sell!")

    *Frederique Putitingold

    *Betty Cutlosses

    *Phil Yourmattresswithcash

    *Asset P. Deflation

    *Doris Kearns Freakout

    *Ima Hobo

    *Vladimir Nomorepension

    *Liquidate Johnson

    Tags: Economy, TDS Writers