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Tea Party Express
  • Sarah Palin Blesses New Hampshire with Her Presence

    The Most High and Anointed Saint of the Clan of the Grizzly Bear, Alaska's own Sarah Palin, was up in New Hampshire being friggin' adorable today as per usual. In a state where ~70 percent of the GDP is generated by state troopers issuing speeding tickets to Massholes, plenty of folks are ready and willing to jump on Her Lady of You Betcha's inspirational bandwagon

    "It's time now to grow the tea party movement," she told the crowd of approximately 500 people in Manchester's Veteran's Memorial Park. "The tea party movement is bigger than any one person," she added. "It's bigger than any single candidate."

    Of course, there are always a few pinko RINOs who don't know when to hit the kneeler

    "She has a good spot where she is," said Fran Boberg, but didn't join the chants urging Palin to run. "She has the ability to gather folks."

    "Where she is, she's free to say what she says," said Kristen Priore of Salem, who also said she admired Palin but didn't want her to run.

    This kind of faithlessness is exactly what's wrong with America. Instead of spending the morning waiting in line for pancakes with Mitt Romney, New Hampshire Republicans should have been scattering rose petals and praying over the sacred ground Palin would soon tread, because if they can get that lady elected president we'll finally have proof that miracles do happen.

    Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Mitt Romney, New Hampshire, Republicans, Sarah Palin, Tea Party, Tea Party Express
  • Mitt Romney Beeps at Sad Tea Party Crowd


    Attempting to overcome his dark past of mostly-competent stewardship of a liberal state, including a shameful record of trying to provide Massachusetts residents with health insurance, yesterday Mitt Romney directed his speech synthesizers at an audience of 200 Tea Party activists and one disgruntled dolphin in Concord, New Hampshire.

    His plea to the anti-government faithful? He wasn't governor of Taxachussetts for that long, you guys…

    [Romney] stuck to the same message he has delivered across this state over the past few weeks, at house parties and town hall meetings, highlighting his record in the private sector and playing down his former role as the governor of Massachusetts, hoping to capture the anti-establishment fervor of the tea party movement.

    "I haven't spent my whole life in politics. As a matter of fact, of the people running for office, I don't know that there are many who have less years in politics than me," he said. "I spent four years as a governor; I joke that I didn't inhale. I'm still a citizen, I'm still a business person."

    Get it? He didn't inhale the fetid gubernatorial air. Presumably because power-hungry robots don't need to breathe, only recharge.

    Still, not everyone was satisfied with the new Tea Party Express-compliant patch in Romney's software…

    At a rally of about 25 people held before the Tea Party Express rally, FreedomWorks activists and others faulted Romney for his health care overhaul in Massachusetts that included an individual mandate, for raising fees in Massachusetts, and for other positions.

    "We do not need leadership that puts their finger up, sees which way the wind’s blowing, and then all of a sudden changes their mind and goes back in that direction," said Tim Carter, a leader of the Lakes Region Tea Party. "If you look at Mitt’s past voting record, I think that’s what you’re going to see."

    That's right: politicians' fingers should never be in the air, but always firmly planted in their ears, lest they hear stories of Americans dying from toothaches for want of affordable medicine and decide to implement health care reform, or something.

    Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: FreedomWorks, Mitt Romney, New Hampshire, Republicans, Tea Party, Tea Party Express
  • Some Tea Partiers Just Want to Watch the World Burn

    While John Boehner is busy proving himself to be as ineffectual as House Speaker as Herry Reid is as Senate Majority Leader, a coterie of Tea Party groups are working to ensure that the legislators who were boosted into office via those groups' anarcho/libertarian-conditional support don't get any bright ideas about tainting the sweet purity of their tea with the sour lemon of compromise

    Several Tea Party organizations are working to punish conservative Republicans who plan to vote yes on Speaker John Boehner's (R-Ohio) debt-ceiling proposal.

    Tea Party leaders announced Thursday that they are targeting Republican Reps. James Lankford (Okla.), Allen West (Fla.), Mike Kelly (Pa.) and Bill Flores (Texas), all four freshmen and declared yes votes for Boehner…

    Tea Party-affiliated organizations Tea Party Express, Tea Party Nation, Tea Party Founding Fathers and United West indicated Thursday that their members will not tolerate a vote for the Boehner plan. Tea Party leaders want West and the others to know they consider voting for Boehner's plan "caving in" and it could mean losing the support of the Tea Party in 2012.

    You've almost got to feel bad for all the John Boehners and Mitch McConnells out there at this point. These are establishment Republicans, career congressmen. They vote "conservative" (whatever that happens to mean at any given time) because that's what team they're on and that's what keeps them in their swank Capitol Hill office with the nice espresso machine and the foot massager. It's what allows them to walk into a room and act like they're important people.

    Ideals? Virtues? Actual opinions? They don't even understand what those things mean! Do they have actual definitions? Who knows?! So, when this Tea Party movement came along, they were probably all like, "Hey, this seems like a pretty sweet gimmick for the upcoming election cycle. Let's run with it!" And so they made their speeches in front of people with tea bags dangling from their hats and they said the necessary catch phrases and Hurray! they won.

    Now that it's turning out that these crazy people are actually genuinely crazy — that they actually believe in the dangerous rhetoric they're constantly spewing — it's gotta be a little jarring. Who knew there were people out there who actually believed the things they said. Who held things called "ideologies." And that they'd be willing to stake their nice congressional offices on it, no less.

    These people clearly do not understand how politics work.


    Tags: Allen West, Debt, Economy, House of Representatives, Republicans, Tea Party, Tea Party Express
  • Sharron Angle Narrowly Escapes Ambushing Reporters' Questions at Press Conference She Scheduled

    So, Sharron Angle — the GOP's great teabagging hope to oust Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid from office in November — finally finally finally got around to speaking to some actual non-Christian Broadcasting Network reporters the other day.

    And I mean that literally. "To" not "with"

    Angle delivered a three-minute speech on her desire to permanently repeal the estate tax. When invited by the final speaker to stay and answer a few questions, she turned on her heel and rushed out a back door with a small cadre of staff members.

    Reporters, including one who is six months pregnant, chased after her, calling out questions on unemployment benefits and other topics she has largely refused to address.

    Hahahahahahahahaha! Brilliant political move, soon-to-be-Sen. Angle! Next time, though, try tipping over a barrel of flaming oil to impede the progress of the reporters in pursuit. Oh, and then dive through a closed glass window. That was Abraham Lincoln's technique, and it got him elected twice!

    Talking Points Memo has some brilliantly awesome captured video of Angle's exciting escape from questioning. Go watch it right now. Please.


    Tags: Nevada, Republicans, Senate, Sharron Angle, Tea Party, Tea Party Express
  • [National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People Speak to Abraham Lincoln Through the Pen of Tea Party Spokesperson

    Earlier this week, we linked to a statement that Tea Party Express spokesperson Mark Williams made in response to NAACP allegations that the Tea Party needs to get rid of the racists that give its movement a bad name, and it kind of made us wonder if "spokesperson" is actually the best job for him. Like, did they maybe not have any open positions in the Department of Hidden Away in a Locked Closet?

    Anyway, turns out our concerns were completely unfounded, as evidenced by this heartfelt open letter to Abraham Lincoln written on behalf of "[National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People" everywhere that Mr. Williams thoughtfully posted to his personal blog yesterday

    By the way, on a completely different note, how do you say "Yikes!" in Racist?

    Dear Mr. Lincoln

    We [National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us [National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People and we demand that it stop!

    In fact we held a big meeting and took a vote in Kansas City this week. We voted to condemn a political revival of that old abolitionist spirit called the 'tea party movement'… And the ridiculous idea of "reduce[ing] the size and intrusiveness of government." What kind of world would we have is I  ever  to control and be responsible for my life own? As [National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People we must have somebody care for us otherwise we would be on our own, have to think for ourselves and make decisions and if you do not agree than there is not enough Colored in your People, as we labeled Ken Gladney…

    Mr. Lincoln, you were the greatest racist ever. We had a great gig. Three squares, room and board, all our decisions made by someone else. Please repeal the 13th and 14th Amendments and let us get back to where we say that belong.

    I think that settles that. There is clearly not an embarrassing amount of racism present in the Tea Party movement. If there were, how could Mr. Williams so understand the way that [National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People think and talk so well?

    No official word yet from America's [National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People, but I'm quite sure they're all quite thankful to Mr. Williams for speaking so eloquently on their behalf.

    (via Pensito Review)


    Tags: 14th Amendment, Abraham Lincoln, Constitution, Mark Williams, NAACP, Racism, Slavery, Tea Party, Tea Party Express