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Ted Stevens
  • Ted Stevens Is Clumsily Explaining the Internet to the Angels Now

    Suspicions unfortunately confirmed

    Former United States Senator Ted Stevens was killed in a plane crash in southwestern Alaska on Monday night. Five of the nine people on board the small plane headed to a remote fishing lodge were killed in the crash, Gov. Sean Parnell of Alaska said…

    Sean O’Keefe, 54, a former NASA administrator who now is an executive with the European aerospace firm EADS, was also on the plane with his son, but they both survived, according to an official briefed on the crash who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the investigation was ongoing.

    How many times are we going to have to see a tragedy like this before people start waking up to reality. Please, kids, don't patronize remote Alaskan fishing lodges. I know that it seems like it'd be incredible fun, but take my word for it, it's just not worth it.

    Tags: Alaska, NASA, Senate, Sports, Ted Stevens
  • The Ted Stevens Memorial Daily Show List

    Let it be noted that I, on behalf of me and the Indecision blog, hereby dedicate this collection of Ted Stevens-related clips from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart to the memory of former Senator from Alaska Ted Stevens on the occasion of his sad and untimely passing due to something or other involving an airplane crash on this date, August 10, 2010…

    Who The F**k is Ted Stevens?

    Let it be further acknowledged that there are more clips to be found after the jump.

    The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

    Read More »

    Tags: Alaska, Jon Stewart, Senate, Ted Stevens, The Daily Show
  • Ted Stevens May Have Been on Plane That Just Crashed in Alaska

    Former Alaskan Sen. Ted Stevens — who served in that position longer than any other person ever and still found time somehow to invent "The Intertubes" — has very possibly just been involved in a plane crash. Involved in the worst possible way…

    A plane believed to be carrying eight people, including former Senator Ted Stevens, crashed in southwest Alaska and rescue crews were trying to reach the wreckage early Tuesday, authorities said…

    A United States government official told The Associated Press that Alaska authorities have been told the former longtime Republican senator is among several passengers on the plane. The official, who spoke on grounds of anonymity, said Mr. Stevens's condition was unknown.

    I think I speak for all Americans when, in response to potentially sad news, I say: No!!!

    Update: WTF?

    Stevens was one of two survivors in a 1978 plane crash at Anchorage International Airport that killed his wife, Ann, and several others.

    It's like a really slow, drawn out sequel to Final Destination. Which is to say, it's like a sequel to Final Destination.

    By the way, the other survivor of that '78 plane crash… Buddy Holly.

    Tags: Alaska, Senate, Ted Stevens
  • Stephen Colbert is Glad Ted Stevens Didn't Have to Implement His Prison Escape Plan

    When the Internet is a series of tubes, you can escape from prison through the Internet. Thankfully, Ted Stevens will never have to crawl through a three mile river of digital shit.

    Tags: Stephen Colbert, Ted Stevens, The Colbert Report, Video
  • Ted Stevens's Charges Dropped, GOP Responds Way Stupider Than You'd Ever Predict

    Earlier this week, Attorney General Eric Holder announced that the legally-beset former Alaska senator Ted Stevens would most likely have all charges against him dropped due to "prosecutorial misconduct." (Please bear in mind that "prosecutorial misconduct" is not defined as "because he's innocent.")

    Good for him; he successfully cheated justice. Now he won't have to spend his golden years getting raped in the shower by younger, meaner jailed city councilmen and state delegates.

    So what do you think the Alaskan GOP's reaction to news is?

    Don't even bother guessing, because you probably don't have enough idiot cells in your brain to predict this reaction

    Gov. Sarah Palin and the head of the Alaska Republican Party said Thursday that Sen. Mark Begich should give his Senate seat up to a special election now that prosecutors have abandoned their case against Ted Stevens. "Alaskans deserve to have a fair election not tainted by some announcement that one of the candidates was convicted fairly of seven felonies, when in fact it wasn't a fair conviction," Palin said in a Thursday interview with the Daily News…

    The chairman of the state Republican Party, Randy Ruedrich, said that the only reason Begich won his race was because "a few thousand Alaskans thought that Senator Stevens was guilty of seven felonies."

    He added that he thought Begich should step down "so Alaskans may have the chance to vote for a senator without the improper influence of the corrupt Department of Justice."

    Your takeaway message: Never underestimate politicians' ability to warp reality and logic to their own ends. Now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

    The other half is having your sense of shame surgically removed and buried in a ditch by the side of the road.

    Tags: Alaska, Mark Begich, Sarah Palin, Senate, Ted Stevens