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Texas
  • Secession Is the Right-Wing "I'm Moving to Canada"

    Liberals, you were never moving to Canada, not even if you'd lost last week's election. It's cold and you wouldn't have liked Stephen Harper and you have to learn about hockey. It just wasn't happening, no matter how many uninsured people Mitt Romney would have hired to perform a horsey dressage dance for his amusement at the inauguration ceremony.

    But let's be real, now that conservatives have emerged as the election's sore losers, this isn't going to happen either. For the sake of these deluded people, let's just hope secession petitions are a very elaborate promotion for the Lincoln movie…

    Given that the state of Texas maintains a balanced budget and is the 15th largest economy in the world, it is practically feasible for Texas to withdraw from the union, and to do so would protect it's citizens' standard of living and re-secure their rights and liberties in accordance with the original ideas and beliefs of our founding fathers which are no longer being reflected by the federal government.

    The Texas secession petition, one of several submitted to the White House website, has over 20,000 signatories as of this writing. That puts it just 5,000 short of the number necessary to receive an "official response" from the Obama administration, according to the guidelines of the "We the People" program. I know everyone is wary of giving the plot away, so spoiler alert: you can look up the "official response" in pretty much any U.S. history book.

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    Tags: Barack Obama, Music, Texas
  • 5 Funniest Congressional Ads of 2012 [VIDEO]

    The advent of SuperPACs and the general flood of money into political campaigns may be wrecking our democracy, but is that such a steep price to pay for hilarious campaign ads? The Founders would surely say no.

    Though presidential campaigns get most of the attention, we must also honor the House and Senate campaigns that deliver on our founding promise of life, liberty and LOLs.

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    Tags: Advertising, Arizona, Florida, House of Representatives, Ohio, Oklahoma, Senate, Texas
  • Welcome Ted Cruz, Your Newest Tea Party Senator

    Ted Cruz, a conservative Texas attorney and Hispanic Bill Murray imitator, defeated Lieutenant Governor David Dewhurst in the Republican primary runoff to replace the retiring Kay Bailey Hutchison, who was a far saner senator for far longer than Texans had a right to expect. Cruz received 56 percent of the vote to Dewhurst's 44 percent and is going to be our newest Tea Party aligned senator, barring a meteor strike that levels everything except San Antonio and Austin.

    As Dave Weigel and others have noted, Cruz's success has many fathers — to date, the only negative consequence of same-sex marriage anyone has uncovered. The Club for Growth provided millions in financing, while Senator Jim DeMint threw his support to Cruz last year, as part of a broader effort to ensure that reliably Republican Senate seats are held exclusively by politicians who think the United Nations' Agenda 21 is a communist plot to get rid of golf courses.

    Nevertheless, much of the credit for Cruz's victory has to go to Governor Rick Perry, who endorsed Dewhurst…

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    Tags: Kay Bailey Hutchison, Rick Perry, Senate, Ted Cruz, Texas
  • Meet Mayor Julian Castro, DNC Keynote Speaker and Future President

    Mayor Julián Castro will be the keynote speaker on opening night of the 2012 Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, North Carolina, getting the futbol rolling on Democratic efforts to dominate the Hispanic vote in November.

    Marking a first for Hispanic-Americans, the mayor of San Antonio will speak on September 4th, following first lady Michelle Obama, according to an announcement from the Obama campaign and the Democratic National Convention Committee.

    As keynote speaker, the little known Castro will step into the same role that propelled Barack Obama into national prominence when he delivered the keynote address in 2004. Since we may be looking at a 2016 presidential nominee, what else do we know about this young man?

    * At 37, he's the youngest mayor of a major American city. Home to the Alamo, San Antonio is most famous for being the site of the most hopeless battle in Texas history (until the Perry campaign came along), but also happens to be the 7th most populous city in America.

    * He's a graduate of Stanford, and like Obama, Harvard Law School. So Breitbart.com probably has a video of him giving a terrorist hug to a liberal professor.

    * He was the first San Antonio mayor to be grand marshal of the city's annual gay rights parade, which is a thing that's allowed to happen in parts of Texas, apparently.

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    Tags: Democratic National Convention, Hispanic, Julian Castro, Latino, Texas
  • 15 Greatest Planks of the 2012 Texas Republican Platform

    The failure of Rick Perry to secure the Republican nomination raised a difficult question: Are American voters getting smarter, or are Texas Republicans getting nuttier?

    With the adoption of the 2012 Texas Republican Party Platform at the state convention earlier this month, we have part of our answer. Here are the Platform's finer moments…

    1. "We oppose sale and use of the dangerous 'Morning After Pill.'"

    2. Maybe they're just jealous of Florida's voter purge: "We urge that the Voter Rights Act of 1965 codified and updated in 1973 be repealed and not reauthorized."

    3. The No Newt Gingriches Allowed Act: "We believe in the sanctity of marriage and that the integrity of this institution should be protected at all levels of government. We urge the Legislature to rescind no-fault divorce laws. We support Covenant Marriage."

    4. Don't think of the children: "We unequivocally oppose the United States Senate’s ratification of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child."

    5. No, seriously, don't: "We support eliminating bureaucratic prohibitions on corporal discipline and home schooling in foster homes… We recommend that local school boards and classroom teachers be given more authority to deal with disciplinary problems. Corporal punishment is effective and legal in Texas… We oppose actions of social agencies to classify traditional methods of discipline, including corporal punishment, as child abuse."

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    Tags: Conservatives, Republicans, Texas