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The Bible
  • What Is the Deal with People Having Rights?

    Cal Thomas — who, according to Cal Thomas, is "America's #1 nationally syndicated columnist" — is very sad that Federal Judge Vaughn Walker found California's Prop 8 to be unconstitutional. He's also really sad that women are allowed to have legal rights over their own bodies. Not to mention how inconsolably sad he is that the Bible (or at least his own personal interpretation of it) is not observed as federal law.

    Oh, there are just so many things that he's terribly terribly sad about — as evidenced by the ululating lamentations in his column new article charmingly titled "Vigilante Law" — such as: Supreme Court justices getting to make decisions, God not smiting us down fast enough, people having sex, gay people getting to have important jobs, and overt bigotry falling out of fashion…

    "No less a theological thinker than Abraham Lincoln concluded that our Civil War might have been God's judgment for America’s toleration of slavery. If that were so, why should 'the Almighty,' as Lincoln frequently referred to God, stay His hand in the face of our celebration of same-sex marriage?

    "There is more than one way to experience bankruptcy. America under the Obama administration is on the verge of economic insolvency, and now Judge Vaughn Walker has joined a conga line of similarly activist judges who are accelerating us down the path to destruction.

    "We have been spiraling downward for some time, beginning in the '50s with the Playboy philosophy that gave men permission to avoid the bonds of marriage if they wanted to have sex. In rapid succession came the birth control pill (sex without biological consequences), 'no-fault divorce' (nullifying 'until death us do part'), cohabitation, easily available pornography, and a tolerance for just about anything except those who deem something intolerable. Such persons are now labeled 'bigots' when once they were thought to be pillars of society."

    Oh, yeah! "Pillars of society"! Whatever happened to those them? Remember those "pillars of society" who screamed racial epithets at children, used the National Guard to block the entrance of schools or simply closed schools down rather than sit quietly and watch as black children and white children co-mingled while learning their times tables? Or, how about those "pillars of society" who took it upon themselves to mete out moral justice by beating homosexuals to death for the crime of being homosexuals? And what about those "pillars of society" who stonewalled legislation that would have given women the same rights as regular people? They sure were some "pillars of society," weren't they?

    You know, though, Thomas shouldn't get too sad about the state of the modern world. They might not be as prominent, but we still have a few "pillars of society" floating around. God bless 'em.

    (via Dan Savage)

    Tags: Abortion, Abraham Lincoln, Barack Obama, Constitution, Economy, LGBT, Marriage Equality, Proposition 8, Religion, Sex, Supreme Court, The Bible, Vaughn Walker
  • Alabama Candidate for Governor Will Not Stand for the "Despicable Lies" That He Is Not Suffiently Credulous

    Remember a couple of days ago when we learned that Bradley Byrne — candidate for the Republican nomination for Governor of Alabama — might actually believe in evolution like a total fucking idiot and question the Bible's unflawlessness like some kind of gay college professor or something?

    Well, it turns out those "slanderous and deceitful attacks" were nothing more than "despicable" and "unconscionable lies" from the Democrats (and quite likely Satan, The Lord of Flies) designed to slander this good man's good name.

    He'll have you know that his personal beliefs are just as medieval as the average Alabamian's. Maybe more so…

    With the despicable lies launched today, the powerful government insiders and deceitful political operatives that run Montgomery stooped to a new low… I believe the Bible is the Word of God and that every single word of it is true… My faith is at the center of my life and my belief in Jesus Christ as my personal savior and Lord guides my every action.

    As a Christian and as a public servant, I have never wavered in my belief that this world and everything in it is a masterpiece created by the hands of God. As a member of the Alabama Board of Education, the record clearly shows that I fought to ensure the teaching of creationism in our school text books.

    I'm afraid that the damage may have already been done with voters. At any rate, Byrne's gonna to need to slather an awful lot of lamb's blood over and awful lot of door frames to drive out these demonic rumors.

    Tags: Alabama, Bradley Byrne, Christianity, Education, Evolution, Religion, Science & Technology, The Bible
  • Ridiculous Alabama Republican Gubernatorial Candidate Believes in Science

    Haha! Get a load of this guy running for governor in Alabama. He doesn't believe that "evolution" is the Devil's way of tricking people into an eternity of damnation, and he thinks that maybe every word of the Bible isn't the inspired word of the Creator of the Universe.

    Amazing! Where do you find these people, Alabama?

    (via Pharyngula)

    Tags: Alabama, Bradley Byrne, Christianity, Education, Evolution, Religion, Science & Technology, The Bible
  • Michele Bachmann on Racists, Homosexuals and Satan's Choo Choo Train to Hell

    Luckily for all of humanity, Sara Benincasa uses her amazing powers of making fun of stupid people for good instead of evil. I'd hate to exist in the Bizarro World where Bizarro Sara Benincasa makes videos about Bizarro Michele Bachmann, but, like, to rob banks somehow. How that would work exactly, I'm not sure. Would the security guards maybe laugh to death? That seems kind of unlikely, even with the funniest video. To be honest, I'm not really certain what I'm talking about anymore. What point was I originally trying to make?

    Oh, yeah. Sara Benincasa is funny…

    Tags: Christianity, Health Care, House of Representatives, LGBT, Marriage Equality, Michele Bachmann, Minnesota, Racism, Religion, Sara Benincasa, The Bible
  • Rep. Paul Broun Wants People of All Faiths to Come Together and Honor His

    Ever notice how Americans are so rarely boiling baby goats in pots full of their mothers' milk? There's a reason for that, and it's called The Ten Commandments. You know the Ten Commandments; that's the document on which the United States (and all of Western Civilization for that matter) was founded, I think. Anyway, that's what Rep. Paul Broun says, and I see no reason to distrust him. He is a Christian, after all.

    So, seeing as how the Ten Commandments "have been part of the Nation's basic cultural fabric" and are "understood as an elemental source for United States law" and "have become a recognized symbol of law in the Nation's culture," we might as well pass a law making it legally binding that we set aside a weekend for all Americans to bow down before their graven image

    Resolved, That the House of Representatives –

    (1) supports the designation of Ten Commandments Weekend;

    (2) celebrates the significant role the Ten Commandments have played in the development of significant public and private institutions of the United States; and

    (3) encourages citizens of all faiths and religious persuasions to reflect on the important impact that the Ten Commandments have had on the people and national character of the United States.

    See that? This is not just a law for Christians and Jews. It's a law for everybody. Everybody is free to "reflect on the important impact" of Judeo-Christian belief, regardless of the evil heathen lie you swallowed whole from the Devil's very anus.

    How very inclusive of Broun. He's such a good Christian, isn't he?

    (via Chris Rodda)

    Tags: Bill of Rights, Christianity, Constitution, Georgia, House of Representatives, Jewish, Paul Broun, Religion, The Bible