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The Indecision 11
  • The Indecision 11: W. Kamau Bell

    W. Kamau BellWelcome to The Indecision 11, our soft-hitting — caressing, really — politics questionnaire for smart, funny people. This week: W. Kamau Bell. Yes, the same W. Kamau Bell who stars in the fantastic new show "Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell," airing Thursdays at 11pm ET on FX. Have you seen this show yet? Here, watch some clips. Right? You get it. Now follow him on Twitter: @wkamaubell.

    What's your earliest political memory?
    When I was a little kid my mom gave me a Julian Bond for president t-shirt. I cut it up so it looked like I was the Hulk busting out of his clothes. But I would totally support Julian Bond for president today… maybe the Hulk for VP.

    What do you think of people who don't vote?
    Depends. I can't sit here and say I have a perfect voting record. Voting can be confusing and hard to do sometimes. In San Francisco, the ballots are super long and the issues can be obtuse. "Should we rename the sewage plant after George W. Bush?" What? Huh? But doesn't the sewage plant actually do a good job?

    Way more people don't vote than do vote, so I believe we should do something to make it easier to vote. Voting should be more accessible for everyone, then more people would do it. Why can't voting day be a national holiday? Or why can't it take place over multiple days? Why can't I vote from my phone? I can do everything else I need to do from my phone. I can even vote from my phone, but only for American Idol or my favorite contestant on So You Think You Can Dance.

    Also I think we should count black people's votes. A man can dream.

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    Tags: The Indecision 11, W. Kamau Bell
  • The Indecision 11: Dan Fogler

    Dan Fogler for presidentWelcome to The Indecision 11, our soft-hitting — caressing, really — politics questionnaire for smart, funny people. This week: Dan Fogler, whom you know from films like Fanboys, Take Me Home Tonight and Balls of Fury. If you're fancy, you also know he won a Tony for his portrayal of Mr. Barfee in The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. Upcoming projects include Scenic Route with Josh Duhamel and Don Peyote (written and directed by Dan himself). Now, Mr. Fogler wants to free your mind and your vote by running for President of the United States of America. He's also a Jedi. You will follow him: @mrdanfogler.

    What's your earliest political memory?
    I remember voting for the first time waaaay back in 2004 against W. for Jim Carrey. Boy, was I disappointed. Jim wasn't even running and they ran out of lollipops just as I stepped up. Fuckers.

    What do you think of people who don't vote?
    I think they're on the right track. This is all a game show–there's a reason they call it political theater. I ain't the first actor running for prez, baby! It's an absurd ploy to keep our competitive nature occupied while they smash and grab our nation. If no one voted you'd see the show play out in its regularly-scheduled programming: the pre-ordained winner would win and the loser would slip away into obscurity. A vote for Fogler means acknowledging the absurdity of it all. A vote for Fogler is asking for true change.

    If you could meet any political figure, living or dead, who would it be?
    JFK. That motherfucker knew how to party.

    You're trapped in an elevator with the president. Strangely enough, you also have a superpower: the ability to make him do one thing of your choosing. What would you have him do?
    I would grant him the ability fix elevators. And then his fixing powers would grow exponentially until he actually fixed this fucked-up country. BooYAH!!

    Have you ever supported a candidate, issue or campaign and regretted it later?
    I backed Carrey and then he did The Majestic, and then it was just a downward spiral of pooping penguins.

    You are running for president! What's your campaign slogan?
    "Yes we cannabis!" or "Got change?"

    Who do you follow on Twitter for politics news?
    The Daily Show.

    Fill in the blank: Washington, is ____________________.
    …a bulbous goiter that needs to be lanced.

    Who's the sleaziest person in politics?
    ME, baby! Do I make you randy, baby?! Sorry, that was inappropriate… unless you don't think so? FLIIIIP FLOP! (Pssst, all I'm wearing is flip-flops.)

    Who's the sexiest person in politics?
    Ross Perot, of course. Meow!

    Tell us a joke.
    I don't think that would be appropriate, but here goes. A man on his last legs finds a magic lamp in the desert. A genie appears and asks, "What is your dying wish?" The man shows the genie a map of the Middle East and says, "Can you make it so there is unconditional peace in this region?" The genie frowns and says, "My friend, that war has been raging for longer than even I have existed. I don't normally do this, but do you have another wish I could grant?" The man thinks and says, "Well, there is one thing. My wife, she is a wonderful woman, but as long as I've known her she's never given me head." The genie interrupts, "Eh, lemme see that map again." BooYAH!!

    Previously: Emily Heller


    Tags: Dan Fogler, The Indecision 11
  • The Indecision 11: Emily Heller

    Emily HellerWelcome to The Indecision 11, our soft-hitting — caressing, really — politics questionnaire for smart, funny people. This week: Emily Heller, who appears TONIGHT on an all-new episode of John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show, which you can watch on Comedy Central at 11/10c. She produces a weekly live stand-up show called The Afterlife, and the Just for Laughs festival in Montreal just named her one of their New Faces of Comedy. Follow that face: @MrEmilyHeller.

    What's your earliest political memory?
    When I was a sophomore in high school I phone banked for Al Gore. Later, I was on the phone with my boyfriend during election night. I remember saying something like, "We only need a few more states!" and him saying, "Well… would it be so bad if Bush won?" It was like the end of The Crying Game–turns out I had been dating a Republican the WHOLE TIME!

    I also wrote a letter to President Clinton when I was 11, complaining about my P.E. teacher and comparing the whole situation to the Montgomery bus boycott. It was very classy, tasteful and not at all hyperbolic.

    What do you think of people who don't vote?
    I think of them often. I'm like, "What are they up to right now? It's really too bad we lost touch." Just kidding. I don't know. I understand how it happens. You're busy, America. You have all kinds of video games to play and diseases to die from.

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    Tags: Emily Heller, John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show, The Indecision 11
  • The Indecision 11: Julie Klausner

    Julie KlausnerWelcome to The Indecision 11, our soft-hitting–caressing, really–politics questionnaire for smart, funny people. This week: Julie Klausner, comedy writer/performer, author, podcaster and all-around purveyor of hilarity. Her first book, I Don't Care About Your Band, was published in 2010 to rave reviews, and she's currently working on a YA novel about an all-girls arts camp. Listen to her podcast, How Was Your Week; read her Real Housewives recaps at NYMag.com; and for heaven's sake, follow her on Twitter: @julieklausner.

    What's your earliest political memory?
    I remember telling my parents to vote for Walter Mondale because he had a nice smile. I saw his photo on the cover of my Weekly Reader and he really spoke to me.

    What do you think of people who don't vote?
    I imagine they're probably busy, not into lines, don't care, or believe there's no such thing as the lesser of two evils. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't judge them, which is pretty incredible and forward-thinking of me.

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    Tags: Julie Klausner, The Indecision 11
  • The Indecision 11: Maria Bamford

    Maria Bamford!!!!Welcome to The Indecision 11, our soft-hitting — caressing, really — politics questionnaire for smart, funny people. This week: Maria Bamford. Maria Bamford! You've seen her on Late Night with Conan O’Brien, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn and Jimmy Kimmel Live, not to mention her two Comedy Central Presents half-hour specials. Later this month you can catch her guest-starring on two new episodes of Louie, airing 7/19 and 7/26. She is the best, basically: @mariabamfoo.

    What's your earliest political memory?
    As an eight-year-old I flyered houses with my older sister Sarah for Mrs. Olsen's school board campaign, for which we were rewarded with two hermit crabs. I named mine Budweiser. She won.

    What do you think of people who don't vote?
    Well, if I had a chance to vote for whether or not non-voters would be legally titled Dum-dums (for example, all non-voters' IDs would read Dum-dum [Name]), I would vote against NOT. I think that's pretty clear and I never don't want not for others to know where I stand.

    If you could meet any political figure, living or dead, who would it be?
    Mitt Romney's net worth.

    You're trapped in an elevator with the president. Strangely enough, you also have a superpower: the ability to make him do one thing of your choosing. What would you have him do?
    Make same sex marriage legal and equal. It's sad that he hasn't.

    Have you ever supported a candidate, issue or campaign and regretted it later?
    I felt weird about John Kerry because he was so ridiculously rich. Just make ONE of your homes into affordable housing.

    If you ran for office, what would your campaign slogan be?
    "She can do it if it's on a Tuesday"

    Who do you follow on Twitter for politics news?
    Al Franken, the AFL-CIO.

    Fill in the blank: Washington, D.C. is __________________.
    Hot and frustrating.

    Who's the sleaziest person in politics?
    Me! I could do a lot more to change things and instead I spend a lot of time looking out for myself and answering quizzes. In the time it took me to answer these questions, I could have signed 30 Internet petitions.

    Who's the sexiest person in politics?
    Barack Obama is a stone cold fox. He sends me emails with the subject heading "Hey."

    Tell us a joke.
    "All men are created equal." LOL!

    Photo by Susan Maljan

    Previously: Myq Kaplan


    Tags: Maria Bamford, The Indecision 11