A Quote Quiz That Will Make Rick Santorum Want to Throw Up

If Rick Santorum accomplishes nothing else this election cycle, he should be proud that he's made me question my own non-belief. When the world sends you someone so vividly quotable, it becomes difficult not to accept it as providential grace…

GOP presidential hopeful Rick Santorum said…that watching John F. Kennedy's speech to the Baptist ministers in Houston in 1960 made him want to "throw up."

"To say that people of faith have no role in the public square?  You bet that makes you throw up.  What kind of country do we live that says only people of non-faith can come into the public square and make their case?" Santorum said…Santorum also said he does not believe in an America where the separation of church and state is "absolute."

Santorum distorts the message of Kennedy's speech until it's indecipherable, but it offers an opportunity to challenge Indecision readers to a quote-off. Match the religion-related quote with the Republican politician who uttered it, then weep. Answers below the fold.

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Tags: Barry Goldwater, James Garfield, John Kennedy, Primaries, Religion, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ronald Reagan, Theodore Roosevelt, William Howard Taft

Barack Obama Is the Fourth Best President Ever, According to Barack Obama

The left has had a lot of fun mocking Newt Gingrich for comparing himself to important historical figures like Abraham Lincoln, Charles de Gaulle, Margaret Thatcher, Ho Chi Minh, Jessica Rabbit, a dishwasher, Uranus and, let's say, the song "November Rain."

But now President Obama's the one getting a Newt-sized head…

Obama's comments in a recent 60 Minutes interview that his legislative and foreign policy accomplishments top all but three former presidents has sparked fierce blowback among right-leaning blogs.

The 60 Minutes Overtime video shows Obama telling correspondent Steve Kroft… "I would put our legislative and foreign policy accomplishments in our first two years against any president — with the possible exceptions of Johnson, F.D.R., and Lincoln — just in terms of what we've gotten done in modern history. But, you know, but when it comes to the economy, we’ve got a lot more work to do."

I don't know why these right-wing blogs are so outraged. Obama has clearly accomplished more than any other president ever.

Sure, Teddy Roosevelt created the conservation movement and ushered in an era of humane labor laws, but President Obama successfully got, like, five Democrats to agree with him one time.

Of course, George Washington literally founded the United States of America and freed us from the British, but President Obama once got a law passed by giving up only 80% of its provisions.

Thomas Jefferson may be responsible for acquiring a third of our country's land mass and writing the Declaration of Independence, but President Obama is… just… so… cool.

Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Abraham Lincoln, Barack Obama, Franklin Roosevelt, Lyndon Johnson, Newt Gingrich, Theodore Roosevelt

Our Endorsements: Bachmann in Overdrive

* Michele Bachmann's campaign in 100 seconds, and here are the top turkeys, from TPM.

* Cracked.com on the weirdest product endorsements by political figures.

* Six Crying Boehner GIFs from Funny or Die. Best sentence ever.

* The pizza is a vegetable song, by Jonathan Mann.

* UC Davis pepper spray incident with LEGOs (via Laughing Squid).

Tags: Bob Dole, Catholic Church, Daily Links, Funny or Die, John Boehner, Michele Bachmann, Mikhail Gorbachev, Mitt Romney, Republicans, Rick Perry, Ronald Reagan, Theodore Roosevelt

Jon Stewart on Glenn Beck's Opposition to Food Safety

It's no secret that the Republicans and Democrats in Congress have trouble getting stuff done, so it was a pleasant surprise when a sweeping food safety bill recently passed the Senate with bipartisan support. It seems even the vicious partisan divide in Washington can't stand in the way of our leaders' sincere concern that we not be killed by e-coli in our cheeseburgers, so we can instead be killed by the fat and sodium in our cheeseburgers like God intended. And yet, as Jon Stewart discussed on last night's Daily Show, even something so universally supported and wholly virtuous has its detractors.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: Bipartisanship, FDA, Food, Glenn Beck, House of Representatives, Jon Stewart, Senate, The Daily Show, Theodore Roosevelt, Video

Everything You've Never Wanted To Know About the Obamas' New School

As you've no doubt heard from People Magazine, the New York Times and the National Intelligence Briefing, Malia and Sasha Obama will soon be attending Sidwell Friends School in Washington, DC.

Well good news for our employers at Comedy Central: It just so happens that we are graduates of the very same school. Finally, your investment in us has paid off!

Below, we've answered some of the most frequently asked questions about Sidwell Friends to provide you an inside perspective on the future lives of our nation's First Kids (and hopefully score a reference in an upcoming Jonas Brothers episode.)

Q: What is the deal with the name Sidwell Friends? It's so gay.

A: The name is actually a religious reference. Sidwell Friends was founded by the group commonly known as Quakers, whose official name is the Religious Society of Friends.

Q: Oh, I know the Quakers! They're the ones who wear old clothing and don't use electricity or zippers and ride around in…

A: No, you're thinking of the Amish.

Q: …a horse and buggy like it's colonial days! And they're all peasants named Methuselah or something Biblical like that and–

A: No, that's definitely the Amish. The Quakers are totally different.

Q: Will Malia and Sasha be the first politician's children to attend Sidwell?

A: Definitely not. Tricia Nixon went there! (Also Chelsea Clinton, Al Gore III, three Biden grandchildren, Teddy Roosevelt's son, the child of basically every elected Democrat in Washington, blah blah blah.)

Q: Were the kids cruel at Sidwell? Did they ever make fun of Chelsea Clinton's appearance during her awkward teenage years?

A: No, they left that to John McCain.

Q: I'm confused. I thought that Barack Obama would never send his kids to a Quaker School, but rather a Secret Muslim Madrassa — perhaps even an al-Qaeda training camp.

A: Sadly, the press scrutiny would be too harsh if he did that. Sasha and Malia will hopefully get plenty of terrorist training, though, because Sidwell's Head of School is retiring, and esteemed educator Bill Ayers is surely on the short list to replace him.

Q: Do the girls have any chance of success with a Sidwell education?

A: Absolutely. They could be news anchors, SNL comedians, wacky TV scientists, CIA directors… The list goes on.

Q: And if they fail?

A: They can become online humor columnists.

Tags: Al Gore, Amish, Barack Obama, Chelsea Clinton, Joe Biden, John McCain, Malia Obama, Michelle Obama, Sasha Obama, Sidwell Friends, Theodore Roosevelt