Ralph Nader Is a Big Quitter

With polls still open in half the country, Ralph Nader has already conceded the presidential race.

He's going to have egg on his face when he ends up winning California, Texas, Washington, Oregon, Colorado, Nevada, Hawaii, Montana, Alaska, Idaho, Utah, Alaska, Missouri and Florida.

Third-Party Poopers: Ross Perot and the Independent Party

In 1992, multi-gazillionaire H. Ross Perot bought his way into mainstream politics, running as an independent against incumbent Republican George H.W. Bush and Democrat Bill Clinton, and purchasing half-hour blocks of time on television to air his campaign infomercials.

Because Perot's platform was fiscally conservative and socially liberal, he managed to woo voters who were disgusted with both major parties. Despite receiving no electoral votes, he took in nearly 19% of the popular vote, though it's not known what percentage actually believed they were purchasing rotisserie ovens.

Perot tried again in 1996 for the Reform Party, to less spectacular results. Today, he is mostly remembered for the size of his ears.

Third-Party Poopers: Strom Thurmond and the Dixiecrat Party

Dixiecrat is a combination of the words "Dixie" and "Democrat," meaning "racist skeetbag." It was on the Dixiecrat ticket that South Carolina Governor Strom Thurmond launched his 1948 third-party campaign for President, with racial segregation, Jim Crow laws and "states' rights" as the main planks in his platform.

Thurmond and many other Southerners split from the Democratic Party when the organization decided to start treating black people like people. Although Thurmond took five states

Third-Party Poopers: Theodore Roosevelt and the Bull-Moose Party

After having already served two terms as President and taking a four-year hiatus, Teddy Roosevelt attempted to win the Republican nomination for the 1912 campaign from then-President William Howard Taft, whom he hated. Failing that, he pulled his delegates from Republican convention and formed the Bull-Moose Party, naming it after an animal that is slightly larger than Taft's fat ass.

The creation of this offshoot party caused endless infighting amongst those loyal to the Republicans and those loyal to Roosevelt, effectively splitting the vote. In the end, both parties (and the American people) lost, as Democrat Woodrow Wilson won the election.

Teddy eventually returned to the GOP, and Republicans have never fought amongst themselves again.

Third-Party Poopers: James Baird Weaver and the Populist Party

We're taking a few days to look back at all the important third-party Presidential candidates throughout American history. This one's dedicated to all the hardcore James Baird Weaver fans (now, please stop email-bombing us)…

In 1892, James Baird Weaver ran for the President under the newly-formed Populist Party, which built its platform around helping "the plain people." In his campaign, Weaver embraced radical ideas like an eight-hour work day and actually voting representatives into Congress.

Unfortunately, Populism proved to be not nearly as popular as Weaver had hoped — he lost the election to Democrat Grover Cleveland, and only ended up winning a handful of Midwest states that the other two parties had forgotten existed.

Impressed with Weaver's results, the Democrats absorbed the more unpopular Populist ideas into their the 1896 election platform, and pulled off a stunning loss. Employees continued working 32-hour shifts until the dark day in 1938, when President Franklin Roosevelt signed the Fair Labor Standards Act.