Thomas Jefferson Blog Posts | Comedy Central Indecision

Texas Board of Education Approves New and Improved Jesus-Approved Version of U.S. History

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Mar 12, 2010 06:10 PM by Dennis DiClaudio | Comments:

Good for you, Texas! You did it!

A lot of people thought that you couldn't possibly legislate your way into a completely alternative reality than the rest of the world with just a little gumption and a fair share of prayer to Bronze Age Middle Eastern deities, but not me! I always had faith in you!

And you did not prove me wrong…

After three days of turbulent meetings, the Texas Board of Education on Friday voted to approve a social studies curriculum that will put a conservative stamp on history and economics textbooks, stressing the superiority of American capitalism, questioning the Founding Father’s commitment to a purely secular government and presenting Republican political philosophies in a more positive light…

The conservative members maintain that they are trying to correct what they see as a liberal bias among the teachers who proposed the curriculum. To that end, they made dozens of minor changes aimed at calling into question, among other things, concepts like the separation of church and state and the secular nature of the American Revolution…

They also included a plank to ensure that students learn about "the conservative resurgence of the 1980s and 1990s, including Phyllis Schalfly, the Contract With America, the Heritage Foundation, the Moral Majority and the National Rifle Association."

Great ideas all around. I've always said that we need more information about the NRA in our schoolbooks. Don't you feel like you had a dangerously low amount of semi-automatic rifle learnin' back in grade school? (Yes, you do, obviously.)

Oh, and that's not all! The Texas BOE also voted to keep out references to deviants like transvestites, transsexuals and Thomas Jefferson. It's about time someone booted that old queen, am I right. (Yes, of course I am, obviously.)

Tags: Bill of Rights, Christianity, Conservatives, Constitution, Education, Guns, Heritage Foundation, LGBT, Newt Gingrich, NRA, Phyllis Schlafly, Religion, Texas, Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson Hated the Theory of Evolution He'd Never Heard Of

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Jul 16, 2009 12:12 PM by Dennis DiClaudio | Comments:

Here's an interesting piece of trivia: Did you know that Thomas Jefferson was a strong supporter of Intelligent Design? Yep, it's totally, totally true (according to some guy named Stephen C. Meyer who has absolutely no vested interest at all in this matter)!

In case you're not familiar with Intelligent Design, it's the scientific theory that so long as evolutionary biologists have not yet put together every single piece of the overwhelming physical and molecular evidence for Charles Darwin's theory of evolution as originally postulated in his 1859 book On the Origin of Species, then that's proof that a magic person in the sky made everything using magic. You know, science!

Oh, and, in case you're not familiar with Thomas Jefferson, he's a guy who died 33 years before Darwin's theory — which Intelligent Design was created in reaction to — was published and 172 years before the Stephen C. Meyer's Discovery Institute started pushing the concept of Intelligent Design as a means of slowly turning the U.S. into a theocracy.

Tags: Evolution, Science & Technology, Thomas Jefferson

For God So Loved the Sunshine State…

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Apr 29, 2009 11:26 AM by Dennis DiClaudio | Comments:

…that He gave his only begotten son permission to immaculately suspend the First Amendment and get Himself put onto a license plate…

Surely, Republican Governor Charlie Crist will stand up for the ideals of the First Amendment. Right?

Asked about whether he'd veto the legislation, Crist said no way.

"I would not veto those …. No, I would not," Crist said.

So you don't have a problem with Jesus on a license plate?

Crist: "I don't. No."

What about separation of church and state?

Crist: "If they don’t want one they don’t have to buy one."

Hmmm… I believe that's an exact quote Thomas Jefferson's.

Actually, I'm kind of in favor of all this. I think all the states should provide similar options.

It would allow me to avoid certain cars on the highway in case of the Rapture.

Tags: Bill of Rights, Charlie Crist, Christianity, Florida, Religion, Thomas Jefferson

Evaluating Obama's First 100 Days

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Apr 29, 2009 08:00 AM by Gonzalo Cordova | Comments:

Of all the fabricated benchmarks created to judge President Obama, the first 100 days is one of the most excitingly noteworthy and easily digestible.

Sure, President Obama has downplayed the importance of the event. Senior Advisor David Axelrod even called it a "Hallmark holiday," thereby belittling other Hallmark holidays like Grandparents Day and Administrative Professionals Day.

But ever since gaining those dead pirate points, Obama can only win support from the media coverage, and so Obama will "pay homage to his 100 days with a Wednesday trip to… Missouri," the state where every exciting thing ever happens.

In honor of the landmark, we decided to celebrate Obama's milestone by over-oversimplifying it further and boiling it down to a nice simple chart comparing President Obama's first 100 days to the accomplishments of history's most famous presidents in such a way that even an idiot could understand…