Tweet Untweet: Protest Too Much

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Tags: Occupy Wall Street, Protesters, Time Magazine, Tweet Untweet, Twitter

Mark Halperin Calls the President a Bad Word, Internet Implodes

Oh… My… God! Please tell me that your children and elderly grandparents and still-really-supportive-of-Obama-for-some-reason spouse wasn't watching Time editor Mark Halperin on MSNBC's Morning Joe this morning. Because there was a horrible, horrible word said.

Look, I don't even want to say the word that Halperin used to describe President Obama because it is far too upsetting. But you're gonna find out eventually if you perchance to look at the Internet today, and it's best that you should hear it from someone who genuinely cares about you.

So, I'll just say that it begins D, ends with ick and rhymes with prick…

Mark Halperin, editor-at-large for Time, called President Obama "a dick" on Thursday on a popular MSNBC morning show and then quickly apologized.

"I thought he was a dick yesterday," Halperin, who also is a senior political analyst for MSNBC, said on Morning Joe, referring to the President's conduct during his press conference…

Just minutes later, Halperin quickly apologized to the president and viewers for his choice of words. "Joking aside, this is an absolute apology. I shouldn’t have said it. I apologize to the president and the viewers who heard me say that," Halperin said.

Somebody get the smelling salts! My entire readership has just swooned in unison onto their fainting couches! Medic! Medic!

Oh, you're back! Thank god. I was afraid we lost you for good.

Don't worry, though. That horrible man who used that inconceivably awful word about our President has been suspended. And rightfully so! Just who did he think he was, using such crass language in the discourse of modern politics. There is no place for such base ruminations in this most lofty of subjects? Where did he get off?

What an asshole.

Tags: Barack Obama, Joe Scarborough, Mark Halperin, MSNBC, Time Magazine

The Onion: TIME Announces New Version of Magazine Aimed at Adults

From ONN…

Oooooo!!! Maybe next they'll come out with a hetero edition of Details!

Tags: The Onion, Time Magazine

Ben Bernanke Beats a Chinese Worker

Time Magazine has named Ben Bernanke "Person of the Year" for 2009, the last year in which conversational date shorthand will be easy (oh-ten? ten?).

Wonder what Ben's critics on Capitol Hill think of this citation, especially the first bit…

"He was the great scholar of the Depression who saw another depression coming, and did everything he could to stop it," [Time managing editor Richard] Stengel said of Bernanke. "He's a controversial figure. He's a Republican appointed by a Democratic president. It's a really interesting combination of factors."

Also interesting is Time's list of runners-up, which includes "the Chinese worker," a symbolic amalgamation of all those faraway people whose names are too hard to pronounce anyway. Sorry, symbolic Chinese worker, better luck next year! (Let's go with oh-ten.) At least you have the honor of knowing that you manufactured the clippers Ben Bernanke uses to keep his beard tidy, so in that sense, you win.

Heck, we all win.

Tags: Ben Bernanke, China, Federal Reserve, Time Magazine

From the Pork Barrel: Larry Craig, Political Consultant to the Stars

* Larry Craig's first piece of advice as your new consultant: Don't listen to anything Larry Craig tells you to do.

* Never accuse Meghan McCain of not having a sense of humor! Never!! (She really hates it when people confuse her with her mom.)

* In Lou Dobbs's dreams, Rachel Maddow is his very own tea-bagging queen.

* The Lobbyists! There's just too many of them! Game over, man! Game over!

* Jesus Christ! Why is Joe Biden talking the godamned Lord's name in vain, for Christ's sake?

* And the winner for The Year's Most Idiotic Piece of Political Punditry goes to…

Tags: Barack Obama, Christianity, Cindy McCain, CNN, George W. Bush, Israel, Joe Biden, John McCain, Larry Craig, Lou Dobbs, Meghan McCain, MSNBC, Pork Barrel, Rachel Maddow, Time Magazine