Latest Posts

Time Magazine
  • Al Gore to Be Democratic Candidate in Alternative Universe

    I'm bored. Let's entertain ourselves with some baseless speculation about a bunch of nonsense.

    You know who's good for that? Joe Klein over at Time Magazine

    "Let's say the elders of the Democratic Party decide, when the primaries end, that neither Obama nor Clinton is viable…

    Okay. Let's say that. I don't know exactly how or why these "elders of the Democratic Party" would come to such weird conclusion, but I read a whole bunch of fantasy novels when I was kid, so I'm cool with this line of thinking. What then?

    All they'd have to do would be to convince a significant fraction of their superdelegate friends, maybe fewer than 100, to announce that they were taking a pass on the first ballot at the Denver convention, which would deny the 2,025 votes necessary to Obama or Clinton.

    Hmmmm… That's an interesting idea. But, what if instead, the "elders of the Democratic Party" — who I'd like to imagine wear cloaks and spend a lot of time chanting — used a mind-controlling potion on the superdelegates. Yeah, and it can be harvested from the brain stems of illegal immigrants.

    No, illegal immigrants are so last year. How about the brain stems of typical white people? Yes! Go with it!

    What if they then approached Gore and asked him to be the nominee, for the good of the party-and suggested that he take Obama as his running mate?

    Oh, I didn't see that twist coming! I like! But, wait, let's do a double-twist. What if Al Gore declines — just like he's been doing for the past year — so the Democratic elders murder him with their combined psionic powers and then replace Gore's brain with the brain of John F. Kennedy which they've been keeping on ice in their underground lair? Imagine that! A Gore/Obama/Kennedy ticket!

    This could be a very interesting election cycle indeed.

    Tags: Al Gore, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, John Kennedy, Time Magazine