On last night's Daily Show, Jon Stewart reported that bailed-out Wall Street financial institutions have been doling out bonuses as high as eight figures. And I know that's shocking, but it's important to remember that those employees will in turn spend those bonuses and that money will help rejuvenate struggling industries. The unicorn sex-slave industry is already poised to have its first positive quarter in years.
The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.
Tags: Henry Paulson, Jon Stewart, The Daily Show, Timothy Geithner, Video, Wall Street
REP. KEVIN BRADY (R-TX): You suck. I hate you. Everybody hates you.
TIM GEITHNER: That's not true. Everybody hates the economic crisis, which is what I'm trying to fix.
REP. KEVIN BRADY: No. In the last nine months you, personally, have fired millions of people from their jobs. I think you need a hobby. One that does not involve singlehandedly destroying our economy. If you like numbers, perhaps you should try Sudoku.
TIM GEITHNER: Do you not even remember the past eight years?
REP. KEVIN BRADY: Maybe I'd have more time to remember things if I didn't have to spend all my time worrying about you destroying our economy.
TIM GEITHNER: Jesus fucking Christ.
REP. KEVIN BRADY: I demand that you resign, right now. Give me the keys to your office. And your tie.
TIM GEITHNER: Are you serious?
REP. DARRELL ISSA (R-CA): Kevin! You stole my line!
SEN. CHARLES SCHUMER (D-NY): Hey, can we talk about Chinese currency manipulation for a sec?
TIM GEITHNER: Yes, fine, I'll get on that, Chuck, but ISN'T IT INTERESTING that I can singlehandedly destroy the economy yet I have to ask all these other people before I can impose a few simple trade sanctions on China? Isn't that INTERESTING, Rep. Brady?
REP. KEVIN BRADY: I CAN'T HEAR YOU. I'M SHOUTING TOO LOUD.
The End! (Except, you know, not.)
Tags: China, Chuck Schumer, Darrell Issa, Economy, Kevin Brady, Obama Administration, Timothy Geithner
* Sean Hannity is awaiting a very important message from the invisible daddy person who lives in a magic castle in the sky. How important is it? Let's just say that we may all have to get used to using the phrase "President Horrible."
* Unfortunately, the invisible daddy person who lives in a magic castle in the sky is busy jotting down death wishes for the president from this guy.
* The Wall Street Journal and Digg double team Timothy Geithner.
* U.S. Chamber of Commerce preparing to sue Global Warming for being too based-on-real-science-y. (Spoiler Alert: This will work out well.)
* Can you believe it's been a whole 400 years since Galileo gave us the telescope? It feels like it was just 372 years ago.
Tags: Barack Obama, Christianity, Climate Change, Economy, Fox, Pork Barrel, Religion, Science & Technology, Sean Hannity, Timothy Geithner
Submitted by Jim.
Tags: Caption Challenge, Games and Challenges, Hillary Clinton, Timothy Geithner