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Tom DeLay
  • Obama Waffles: Race Baiting and Powdered Breakfast United at Last

    Who says you can't enjoy Jim Crow-style caricatures, Arab bashing and delicious powdered waffles at the same time? Attendees of the "Values Voter Summit" know you can, since they got the chance to pony up 10 bucks for a box of Obama Waffles, which achieve the rare culinary feat of being both scrumptious and tasteless at the same time…

    Activists at a conservative political forum snapped up boxes of waffle mix depicting Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama as a racial stereotype on its front and wearing Arab-like headdress on its top flap…

    While Obama Waffles takes aim at Obama's politics by poking fun at his public remarks and positions on issues, it also plays off the image of the classic pancake-mix icon Aunt Jemima, which has been widely criticized as a demeaning stereotype. Obama is portrayed with popping eyes and big, thick lips as he stares at a plate of waffles and smiles broadly.

    Placing Obama in Arab-like headdress recalls the false rumor that he is a follower of Islam, though he is actually a Christian.

    The Values Voter Summit, (which presumably owes George Orwell royalties on its name,) featured a lineup of speakers whose names literally define "values," such as Tom DeLay, Rush Limbaugh, and Lou Dobbs — who must have thrown in a request that the Obama Waffles degrade Mexicans as well…

    On the back of the box, Obama is depicted in stereotypical Mexican dress, including a sombrero, above a recipe for "Open Border Fiesta Waffles" that says it can serve "4 or more illegal aliens." The recipe includes a tip: "While waiting for these zesty treats to invade your home, why not learn a foreign language?"

    Apparently the sombrero won Dobbs over, since he was later caught on camera buying a box for his wife.

    But unfortunately for the other Values Voters, the Obama Waffles were pulled from sale after event organizers noticed — three days into the event — that they displayed "offensive material."

    Either that or they wanted to hide them before Michael Steele arrived for his speech. Awk-ward!

    Tags: Barack Obama, Lou Dobbs, Rush Limbaugh, Tom DeLay
  • Jack Abramoff Makes One Republican Who's Getting 4 More Years

    Even if they can't hold on to the White House, Republicans in Washington should take heart that one of their own has just received a brand new four-year term. Jack Abramoff, the power lobbyist who bilked Indian tribes and protected sweatshop lords alongside roach exterminator Tom DeLay, is the proud recipient of a brand new jail sentence for his slimy orchestration of a casino lobbying scandal

    Abramoff is already serving a nearly six-year term on unrelated charges and the new sentence will be served at the same time, meaning he will not spend any extra time behind bars once his original sentence ends in 2012.

    But Abramoff will serve at least four more years in prison, even if his lawyers are successful in getting a reduction in his first sentence on charges of fraud in the purchase of a Florida casino cruise line. When his terms expire, he will have spent nearly six years in prison.

    Since he won't be leaving jail until Joe Lieberman is the Republican nominee for president, Abramoff ought to put his lobbying skills to use in his new home. To parallel his old life, he could negotiate a Sunday-night pinochle monopoly for his cellblock and pay off the warden with a kickball junket to the exercise yard.

    And when he's done with that, he can make up a bed for DeLay.

    Tags: Jack Abramoff, Joe Lieberman, Tom DeLay
  • Tom DeLay Does Not Support Barack Obama's Plan to Surrender the U.S. to Mexico

    Former Republican congressman Tom DeLay — who last year launched a little right wing activist group called the Coalition for a Conservative Majority — just popped his head up from the lake of raw sewage he lives in to solicit donations from people who are concerned about the real issues of the day

    DeLay asks: "Are you concerned by the growing evidence that there are powerful forces inside our government and out who are quietly moving to have America absorbed into a globalist style 'North American Union' with Canada and Mexico?"

    Yes, Tom Delay, I am concerned about that pressing, not at all invented to exploit retarded people's xenophobia, issue. Very concerned.

    But not as concerned as I am about "the growing evidence" that many of our country's conservative representatives who are forced to quit their elected positions after being indicted of violating campaign finance laws can wash my balls with a warm, wet rag.

    Tags: International Affairs, Tom DeLay
  • Tom DeLay Accuses Barack Obama of Being a Marxist, Proves Himself to Be a Tom DeLay

    I hadn't realized how much I missed current-criminal, former-Congressman Tom DeLay until he resurfaced from the oil slick in which he lives.

    Tom DeLay, never leave us again!

    While speaking on a conservative radio show yesterday, the good money-launderer…

    …launched a fringe attack on Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) by claiming that he is a Marxist. "I have said publicly, and I will again, that unless he proves me wrong, he is a Marxist."

    Oh, Tom DeLay! You're so Tom DeLay. How do you do it?

    Anyway, I could try for the rest of my life and never come up with a better response than Hunter at Daily Kos

    Unless he proves me wrong, Tom Delay lures children into his van with candy, gasses them to death with bug spray, and uses their powdered bones as an aphrodisiac when making love to all the animals at the San Antonio Sea World.

    Alright, Tom DeLay, the burden of proof is on you.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Tom DeLay