Jon Stewart Discovers That Shirley Sherrod Caused Global Warming by Being Racist Against Nice Cool Weather
A newly Van Dycked Jon Stewart and the Daily Show team finally get around to reporting on that whole Shirley Sherrod incident. Like, where were they on this for the past two weeks, huh? What were they on vacation or something?
Daily Show coverage of this breaking news story, with Senior Racist Correspondent Wyatt Cenac, continues after the jump.
The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.
Tags: Andrew Breitbart, Animals, Barack Obama, Climate Change, Donald Trump, Fox, John Oliver, Jon Stewart, NAACP, Racism, Robert Gibbs, Shirley Sherrod, The Daily Show, Tom Vilsack, Weather, Wyatt Cenac
Unfortunately, this case untreatable. It's brought on by some sort of inoperable blockage of ethics and rationality in the objective lobe. So long as Fox News is fed a steady stream of stupid from the heart of America — which, let's face it, will not be cut off anytime soon — it will continue to present symptoms of chronic assholeishness.
But the good news is that in its present condition it can live a long and extremely profitable life as a make believe news organization providing make believe news to people who just don't give a shit. Note the particularly ratings-bloated tumor named Bill O'Reilly that Rachel Maddow confronts her in this clip from last night…
The patient's history on this matter can be observed after the jump. Make sure to scrub up first. The patient's immune-to-criticism system is badly compromised.
Tags: Andrew Breitbart, Barack Obama, Bill O'Reilly, Brian Kilmeade, Fox, MSNBC, NAACP, Rachel Maddow, Racism, Robert Gibbs, Shirley Sherrod, Steve Doocy, Tom Vilsack, White House
Unfortunately, science has not yet created a machine that would allow us to travel backwards along the fourth dimension to a point in spacetime when it would have been considered advantageous to behave as principled adults and reconsider our actions.
So, I guess Shirley Sherrod will just have to settle for a few lame apologies from Robert Gibbs and Tom Vilsack…
Former Agriculture Department official Shirley Sherrod says she wants to discuss racial issues with President Obama, but there's need for him to apologize for her wretched week…
Sherrod got apologies from press secretary Robert Gibbs and Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, but says, "I can't say the president is fully behind me." She says Obama is not a person who "has experienced some of the things I've experienced in life."
I don't know. Let me think about this? Has he ever been completely fucked over in the most nauseatingly craven way imaginable by top government officials and had his career and good name offered as sacrifice to blatant partisans and documented peddlers of politically-charged lies?
I'm gonna have to check, but my instincts say that he hasn't. So, she might be right about this.
Tags: Barack Obama, Obama Administration, Racism, Robert Gibbs, Shirley Sherrod, Tom Vilsack
Everything You Need to Know About This Whole Shirley Sherrod Debacle, as Told by Someone Who Kind of Understands It Mostly
Here's a quick recap of this Shirley Sherrod story because you get all of your news here on this website for some reason (you should really stop doing that, by the way)…
* The NAACP calls the Tea Party movement out for its obvious, very obvious, super obvious racist strains, and asks it to hold itself accountable.
* Teabaggers respond by being racist (because, really, what else can they do, not be racist?).
* Conservatives get mad at the injustice of it all.
* Seeking retribution, Andrew Breitbart finds footage of Shirley Sherrod — a black woman who is black — making a speech at an NAACP event about how she — many years earlier while working for the USDA in Georgia — overcame some racist prejudices to help a white couple save their farm from bankruptcy, and in doing so learned some very valuable lessons about race, people and life.
* Andrew Breitbart edits it to make her look like a racist black racist.
* Everybody freaks the fuck out and calls for this horrible black racist monster woman's head to be chopped off and then fired.
* The Obama administration — being the brave and noble warriors for justice that they are — demands Shirley Sherrod's resignation.
* The portrait in Andrew Breitbart's attic grows a bit more gnarled and horrific.
* Even Glenn Beck takes a break from being the worst to be momentarily reasonable about this.
* The farmers — whose farm Shirley Sherrod helped save years earlier — are all like, WTF?
* Andrew Breitbart goes on CNN to blow everybody's mind: How do we know these farmers are actual real farmers and not just actors hired by Shirley Sherrod to save her shitty government job? Whoa! We're through the looking glass, people! There is no Spoon(er).
* The White House grows a pair of balls. Kind of.
And that's pretty much it so far. If you haven't drank all the Drano by this point, you're probably in the clear. Go about your day and try not to say anything that can be edited by Andrew Breitbart to sound like you're a racist black woman.
Tags: Andrew Breitbart, Barack Obama, CNN, John King, NAACP, Obama Administration, Racism, Shirley Sherrod, Tom Vilsack, White House
I don't know about you, but on a beautiful day like today, I really enjoy lying in the grass, staring up into the clouds and wondering What if…
But, since I've got a job, I usually just end up reading bullshit unfounded speculation on the Internet instead…
[If John Edwards had not run for president] Could Hillary Clinton have grabbed Edwards' loyalists and won early, stage-setting contests in Iowa, where Barack Obama emerged as a contender with a stunning win, or later, in the South Carolina primary?
Yes, says Mark Penn, Clinton's close campaign adviser and pollster. Penn has asserted that without Edwards on the ballot, voters would have taken a "fresh look" at Clinton.
Well, if Mark Penn says it, it must be true. Why, he's never proven himself to be wrong-headed, duplicitous or willfully ignorant before. That guy is a straight shooter if ever I did see one.
But, just for the sake of adding length to this post, let's see what somebody who knows what he's talking about has to say. What does Mark Blumenthal from Pollster.com have to say about it?
Mark Blumenthal from Pollster.com: "The most compelling evidence concerns where Edwards' support might have gone, had he withdrawn once the campaign had gotten under way in early 2007: polls showing that Edwards supporters preferred Obama to Clinton as their second choice in Iowa (as early as May 2007) and in New Hampshire (a few days before the primary)…
"Edwards started the race as the leading candidate in Iowa. Had Edwards withdrawn in late 2006, others who were considering the race at about that time — Tom Vilsack, Evan Bayh, Mark Warner — might have gotten in."
Yeah. Edwards' campaign was the only thing standing between Evan Bayh and the White House.
He must be very bitter.
Tags: Barack Obama, Evan Bayh, Hillary Clinton, Iowa, John Edwards, Mark Penn, Mark Warner, Primaries, South Carolina, Tom Vilsack