Oh, come on, Democratic National Committee! I know you've had self-esteem issues in the past, but both of us know that you're better than this. I mean, you have to be, because no one is this pathetic.
I didn't want to say anything, but even the Ron Paul people are looking down at you for this one…
The Democratic National Committee is rolling out another bus tour to trail Mitt Romney's own over the weekend through key battle ground states, harping on the Republican candidate's economic policies as throwing "the middle class under the bus."
The DNC tour will last for four days and make stops in Virginia, North Carolina, Florida and Ohio between Friday and Monday starting in Alexandria, Virginia on Friday at 9:30 a.m. ET, according to their announcement…
This is the DNC's second bus tour following Romney as he campaigns throughout the country. In June, a tour by the same name stopped in key battle ground states like Ohio, Iowa, Pennsylvania, Michigan and New Hampshire.
Okay, how about this, Democratic National Committee: Let's drop our plans and go see a movie this weekend, what do you say? Sure, I had plans with the wife, but they can be put on hold for you, Democratic National Committee. Maybe we'll get some dinner and some drinks after.
And, no, we won't be talking about Mitt Romney. No, not at all. I don't care where he's going to be this weekend. This weekend is for me and you, Democratic National Committee.
All right, well, promise me that you'll think about it at any rate? Please.
Tags: DNC, Mitt Romney, Transportation
Mitt Romney's "Every Town Counts" swing state bus tour is over, which means he gets to climb back into his rich-person isolation tank and we get to recap his adventures with the middle class, from re-enacting "Leave It to Beaver" scenes (below) to a close encounter with a tinfoil wall.
See the full gallery here.
Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Mitt Romney, Republicans, Transportation
On the one hand, the possible invalidation of the Affordable Care Act by the Supreme Court may leave pat-down searches by the Transportation Safety Administration as the sole source of affordable screening available to millions of Americans. On the other hand, it is kind of rude for the TSA to freedom-fondle senior citizens and not even followup with a phone call.
To solve the latter dilemma, Senator Rand Paul, himself a victim of government reach-arounds, has introduced a measure to apply a few of the protections from the original Bill of Rights to the passenger screening process…
Paul's proposed bill of rights legislation would give the TSA one year to implement a speedier screening process for pre-cleared frequent fliers at airports with more than 250,000 annual flights, permit travelers who fail to pass imaging or metal detector screening to go through the screening again rather than be subjected to an automatic pat-down, and eliminate pat-downs for travelers age 12 and younger and 75 and older unless the screener has a "high degree of suspicion" that the passenger is carrying a prohibited item.
All this sounds good, but it fails to take into account the needs of our most vulnerable minority: the celebrity-American. I believe Paul's counterparts in the House made themselves very clear on this point…
The US House of Representatives has a very important announcement, they would like the TSA to stop patting down Beyonce when she passes through airport security.
Rep. Mike Rogers, head of the House Homeland Security Transportation Subcommittee recently told the agency that Beyonce is "not going to blow a plane up."
I like Paul's broader proposal better. First, the exposure of important people to the TSA screening process, whether they're famous entertainers or U.S. Senators, is what generates support for greater privacy protections in the first place. If only the "suspicious" were targeted, Congress would never care. See, for example, "stop, frisk."
Second, failure to include Beyonce-Americans in the potential screening process is going to totally undermine the TSA agent recruiting process.
Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: House of Representatives, Rand Paul, Senate, Transportation, TSA
While only 49% of non-Hispanic white Americans believe that there is widespread racism against black people in Barack Obama's post-racial America, it turns out there are still some post-post-racial groups operating in the United States.
Like the International Keystone Knights of the Ku Klux Klan in Union County, Georgia, which applied last month to adopt part of Route 515 in the Appalachian Mountains as part of the Department of Transportation's Adopt a Highway program.
The dunce-capped "exalted cyclops" of the KKK, Harley Hanson, claimed that "all [they] want to do is adopt this piece of road and clean it." Alas, yesterday, the Department of Transportation rejected the application, arguing that "promoting an organization with a history of inciting civil disturbance and social unrest would present a grave concern" and thereby denying us the opportunity to experience the Klan's reaction when they discover that they've been cleaning up blacktop.
Legal precedent suggests the Klan may be able to force the state to allow it into the program, which hopefully means that a Rosa Parks Memorial Freeway is coming to a section of southeastern highway near you. But for now, the Klan is just upset that someone had the temerity to turn this into a race thing…
"I don't see why we can't (adopt the stretch of highway)," [Klan Chapter President April Chambers] said. "Would it be any different if it was the Black Panthers or something? Someone always has some kind of race card."
Oh, well. If you want to see a group of people who wear funny hats while espousing revanchist doctrine being treated with deference by state governments, you still have the Tea Party.
Photo by Tim Boyle/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Georgia, Racism, Transportation
Look, I'm just a simple American. I don't need to understand this. I just need to know that it will take down Barack Obama and help install a cabal of international conglomerates as our national leader. Because, you know, patriotism.
The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.
Tags: Barack Obama, Energy & Oil, John Kilduff, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Transportation, Video