Latest Posts

  • Mitt Romney Flies Coach, Is Reminded Why He Shouldn't Fly Coach

    So, Mitt Romney was flying coach — first off, huh? – en route to Boston, and he happened to be sitting next to the smartest lady in the country who knows just what he needs to do to fix our health care system.

    Oddly enough, he wasn't all that psyched to have her outline her plan in minute detail

    According to Ms. McClanahan, about an hour into the flight — which Mr. Romney mostly spent reading USA Today and using an iPad while wearing headphones — she told him her idea for improving the American health care system: slashing overhead costs by switching to an electronic billing system.

    "He looked at me blankly and said, 'I understand,' then put his iPad headphones in and kept reading," she said.

    While Ms. McClanahan said Mr. Romney was probably exhausted, she was disappointed he showed so little interest. Even another passenger’s request for a restaurant recommendation in Boston elicited little from Mr. Romney, she said. "I can't give you any," he said, according to Ms. McClanahan. "You'll have to ask someone else."

    Oh my God, I am sooooo on Mitt Romney's side here. I don't think I've ever been more on Mitt Romney's side about anything ever. I'll go even further and say that if there were a national election right over whether or not people like Mitt Romney should get to not field annoying small talk questions and half-thought-through national policy suggestions, Mitt Romney would get all my votes. (Yes, I'd sneak back into the polling booth to vote multiple times.)

    Now, I suppose one can make the argument that Romney was kind of asking for annoying people to say annoying things to him given the fact that he is a billionaire presidential candidate flying coach for some reason. But I would argue that that's just blaming the victim. Even billionaire presidential candidates flying coach for some reason should get play with their iPads in peace. I'm relatively certain that if iPads and flying coach we're invented back in the olden days, that right would have been spelled out explicitly in the Declaration of Independence.

    Photo by Bill Clark/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images

    Tags: Mitt Romney, Primaries, Republicans, Science & Technology, Transportation
  • Socialist School Buses on the Chopping Block in Washington

    Kids today are so entitled with their iPads and Justin Biebers and constant need for food and health care. Well, listen up, kids: The free ride is over. Literally

    The yellow school bus could become another victim of the Great Recession in some parts of Washington.

    Gov. Chris Gregoire doesn't want to see her state stop spending money to get kids to school. But any squeamishness over student transportation cuts isn't enough to keep that $220 million idea off her list of ways to potentially deal with budget shortfalls, the latest a $2 billion one.

    Tough choices are the rule of the day in nearly every state in the rough U.S. economy… Washington would be the first to completely eliminate state dollars for bus service because of the recent recession.

    Sure, getting rid of buses would pose a threat to student safety, increase air pollution and prevent some low-income students from attending school regularly. But it’s about time we got the government out of our public education. Think of all the high-fructose corn syrup, predator drones and high-fructose predator drones we could buy with the millions we're throwing away on "learning." I can't imagine what’s holding state legislators back…

    Washington's state schools chief, Randy Dorn, says there's one more consideration here: the state Constitution requires the state government to amply pay the costs of basic education, as defined by the state Legislature. Student transportation is part of the definition of basic education… the Legislature would have to adjust the definition to make way for many of the governor's ideas for cutting the state education budget.

    There you go. States can cut education without cutting "education" if they just change the definition of what an education is. It's as easy as 1-2-3. That is, if schools can still afford to teach kids how to count.

    Photo by Hotshot977/Wikimedia Commons

    Tags: Children, Education, Recession, Transportation, Washington
  • Shirtless Joe Biden Confirmed

    Hey gals! Need a cure for your post-Ronnie Reagan Debate hangover?

    Well, feature this, girlfriends: your topless Joe Biden fantasies have at last been confirmed! And in a rather unusual place for an interview with the Vice President of the United States: the October issue of Car and Driver magazine…

    C/D:  Sadly, we must ask about the Onion story. While shirtless, have you ever washed a 1981 Pontiac Trans Am in your driveway?

    JB: [Laughing] You think I'd drive a Trans Am? I have been in my bathing suit in my driveway and not only washed my Goodwood-green 1967 Corvette but also simonized it.  At least the Onion should have had me washing a Trans Am convertible. I love convertibles.

    Bow chicka wow WOOOOOOW!

    He goes on to say of the 'Vette: "The Secret Service won’t let me drive it. I'm not allowed to drive anything. It's the one thing I hate about this job. I'm serious." But true to form, Bidey won't allow a little thing like his own safety and security to prevent him from answering the call of Lady Road…

    My brother has one of those 556-hp [CTS-V] Cadillacs with a manual. He brought it down for me to eat my heart out. So I got in. I have a driveway that’s about 1700 feet long. I knew the Secret Service wouldn't let me drive it outside. So I jumped on that sucker and laid rubber.  A great feeling.

    If you don't have a ladyboner right now, you're not an American.

    Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Joe Biden, The Onion, Transportation
  • Obama Bus Tour Totally Rocks Midwest

    Dude, man, there's like, nothin' better than following your favorite superstar jam band around on a late-summer tour, am I right? And while stalking Dark Star or the String Cheese Incident is fun, lately I'm thinkin' we need to pack this VW bus up and get our asses on the road behind the coolest pack of hippies in the world, Team Obama!

    I heard they just put on a killer show in Peosta, Iowa

    President Obama pulled up to a bucolic community college here in his $1.1 million black armored bus on Tuesday and spent much of the day closeted in a conference with farmers and small-business owners, hoping to sell them on his message that he could revive the listless job market…

    Mr. Obama defended his economic record and fired back at Republicans in Congress. He said they had stymied his efforts to revive the economy by refusing to put "country ahead of party."

    Now, usually I can't stand the idea of putting anything before "party," but in this case I might be able to get on board with our Lead-Singer-in-Chief. But we can talk more about it on the way out there.

    I heard Team Obama's hittin' Illinois, too. You know that's gonna be mad crazy, maaan! Let's smoke this before we get in the car. Then let's hop in, fire up some jams (my favorite being Barack's totally trippy inaugural speech from that crazy early 2009 show in Grant Park in Chicago, you remember?) and get on our way to see this dude rock the Midwest.

    And hey, you know Team Perry is on tour out there, too? I hope we don't run into any of his freaky-ass fundamentalist fans. Those people really harsh my mellow, dude.

    Tags: Barack Obama, House of Representatives, Iowa, Music, Republicans, Transportation