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Utah
  • Jon Huntsman's Pals Are Awesomer Than Yours

    Conventional wisdom dictates that it's easier to find a new job while you've still got your old one. While most of us just pore over What Color Is My Parachute? in between rounds of sobbing, Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman got a little help from his BFFs.

    Months before he officially resigned his post as U.S. Ambassador to China, his buddies were all aflutter raising money for this particular handsome, wealthy, highly fecund Mormon's campaign coffers…

    The Horizon Political Action Committee, based in Utah, took in more than $2 million from January through July and spent all but $20,000 on research, raising money and consultants, many of whom went on to work for Huntsman’s White House campaign…Huntsman was forbidden from planning a political run while serving in the Obama administration but it appears those gearing up for his presidential bid wanted to get a head start before their candidate even came back to the states

    We can only assume that Huntsman had no idea whatsoever that his cronies were up to all this fundraising — after all, his spokesman, Tim Miller, assured the press that Horizon PAC has sent "absolutely no gifts, assistance, or contributions" to the Huntsman campaign. Then again, Miller received $35,000 from the PAC, but in the magical mathematics governing campaign finance, that somehow doesn't count.

    So, enjoy your horrified back-of-the-envelope budget calculations and daily diet of ramen, Everyone Else in America! Maybe you'd have better luck with that job search if only you'd thought to make way more awesome rich friends earlier in life. (Also, if your dad had founded a hugely successful international corporation, you probably wouldn't have to use your own toenails as kindling. Just saying, maybe you ought to have a word with Pops about that.)

    Photo by Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images


    Tags: China, Jon Huntsman, Primaries, Republicans, Utah
  • Mitt Romney's Plan to Move Utah's Primary Because of Mormons and All

    Mitt Romney may be on the verge of losing the Iowa caucuses to that lady with the scary eyes, but he'll always have Utah with its lush fields of Mormon voters. Unfortunately, Utah voters don't really get to have their say until way after everybody stopped caring what anyone else says.

    That is, unless

    Mitt Romney’s Utah advisers are working to try to get the state’s Republican presidential primary moved up, from late June to earlier in the spring where it might play a bigger role in the nomination process…

    Lt. Gov. Greg Bell, who is a Romney backer and the state’s elections supervisor, said he has had discussions with the Romney campaign about moving the election and that, from his perspective, the change could still happen.

    "I talked to the Romney people and said, ‘Is this important for you?’ And they said, ‘A win is a win and delegate votes may really count,’ " Bell said. "I would love to see Utah matter and not be a fly-over state and have a real impact on the election."

    This seems to me like a really solid strategic idea. What use is it for Romney to be a Mormon — besides the millions upon millions of dollars that members of the church will be shoveling into the Romney campaign machine at the behest of their elders — if he can't use Utah's electoral votes? So, if he can move that primary up to when its outcome will actually matter, he totally should.

    In fact, I think the other candidates should try similar plans if they can. What's to stop Herman Cain from trying to replace primary votes with delicious pepperoni pizzas? Or for Sarah Palin to have the Iowa caucuses reinvented into a reality television show which would allow for a camera on her and her family 24 hours a day? Or for Tim Pawlenty to petition to have math reversed so that he ends up in first place!

    These are all great ideas completely in the spirit of our electoral system!

    Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News /Getty Images


    Tags: Mitt Romney, Mormon, Primaries, Religion, Republicans, Utah
  • The United States of Unflattering Stereotypes

    How long does it take to travel to every state in the nation and mock it right to its face? About two minutes…

    I think it's really cool that Paul Jury traveled 19,000 miles in the service of writing his book States of Confusion, but you've got to wonder if it was really necessary. If he was really interested in seeing how everybody in the country really lives, couldn't he have just gone to a Wal-Mart in a Hoveround?


    Tags: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Books, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming
  • Sen. Mike Lee Stumbles Upon President Obama's Insidious Plan to Shutdown the Government

    As the U.S. government slides toward helplessly and inevitably into catastrophic shutdown, we, as citizens, are forced to impotently and helplessly watch the carnage with no recourse of action but to wonder why.

    Why? Why is this happening? What dark forces are at play behind the scenes to bring about such a loathsome situation.

    Wait, maybe it's this

    Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah) suggested Thursday that President Obama might have begun planning a government shutdown last year with "malicious" intent.

    "Why was it that a few months ago… when the president had both Houses under the control of his party — why did he opt not to pass a budget for fiscal year 2011?” asked Lee, who helped found the Senate's Tea Party Caucus earlier this year.

    "It was either irresponsible on one hand or deliberate and malicious on the other with intention to bring about a sequence of events that would culminate inevitably in a government shutdown," said Lee.

    Of course! It all makes so much sense now. How did I not see this before?

    If the government shuts, then there'll be nobody to stop the terror babies from crawling into the country through our borders. We'll be knee-deep in Muslim atheist toddlers in no time! Stock up on mashed carrots! Babies hate mashed carrots! It's your only hope for survival!

    Oh my god! We're through the looking glass, people!


    Tags: Barack Obama, Mike Lee, Senate, Tea Party, Utah
  • Utah Now Has a State Gun to Go Along with Its State Cooking Pot

    Well hey, kids! It sure does seem like everyone's doing a lot of grown-up talking about guns lately, doesn't it? Some people are being very serious about it, by trying enact federal gun control laws.

    Other people — like Utah's state congress — are being very very serious about it, by decided to enact… a Gun Appreciation Day! Hooray!

    Yes, a committee in the Utah House of Representatives voted 9 to 2 this week to approve a bill that would add the Browning pistol to the pantheon of official state things, along with the bird (seagull), rock (coal) and dance (square). Also, although it really has nothing to do with this discussion, I have to mention that the Utah Legislature has provided its citizens with an official state cooking pot, and it is the Dutch oven.

    "This firearm is Utah," Representative Carl Wimmer, the Browning bill’s sponsor, told The Salt Lake Tribune… Capitol observers say the Browning bill has an excellent chance of becoming law.

    Since Carl Wimmer is anti-abortion and anti-family planning, perhaps this gun celebration is just his real Amurican way of keeping the state's population down.


    Tags: Guns, Second Amendment, Utah