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Utah
  • New Old News: Orrin Hatch Supports Park51

    Utah Senator Orrin Hatch became the highest ranking GOP official to come out in favor of building the Park51 Islamic cultural center in lower Manhattan today, officially adding the 21st to the list of centuries he's building bridges to.



    The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm/10c.


    Tags: Islam, New Old News, Orrin Hatch, Utah, Video
  • Creepy Cult Leader Gets Creepy Break in Creepy State Supreme Court

    Fantastic news for fans of Chloe Sevigny's character's dad on Big Love! Creepy polygamous sect leader Warren S. Jeffs gets a new trial! Here's your Paper of Record with more

    Mr. Jeffs, the leader of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, an offshoot Mormon sect with an estimated 10,000 members, had been serving two consecutive sentences of five years to life after he was convicted in 2007 of being an accomplice to the rape of a 14-year-old girl from his church whose marriage he had presided over [improper grammar, New York Times!].

    But in a unanimous decision, the Utah Supreme Court ruled that a state judge had erred when he failed to tell the jury that Mr. Jeffs could not be found guilty unless he specifically encouraged the girl’s husband to commit rape, which Mr. Jeffs denied doing.

    Um. So wait. Warren Jeffs claims he never told a man to have nonconsensual sex with a child, but simply forced her to marry the guy (which carries the implicit idea that sex would be involved because their wacky cult is all about babies making babies)… and thus, he's not guilty of being an accomplice to rape?

    This is sort of like putting a giant cat in a tiny room with an itty-bitty mouse and giving a thumbs up, and then claiming you had no idea the cat would kill the mouse. Since when have giant cats done such things, when they are in a tiny room with a tiny mouse?

    But do not get too excited. Rock star human and future Nobel Prize laureate Warren Jeffs will not be out on the street anytime soon, according to Utah's (rightfully upset and disappointed) attorney general…

    Mr. Shurtleff said the state would continue to hold Mr. Jeffs because there was an outstanding warrant for his arrest in Texas, where prosecutors are seeking to extradite him to face a number of sexual assault charges, including one involving an underage girl with whom Mr. Jeffs is suspected of fathering a child with [again with the shitty grammar, New York Times!].

    It is so sad that so many women and girls keep making up these accusations against Warren Jeffs, who is obviously the greatest feminist the world has ever known.


    Tags: Christianity, Men and Women, Mormon, Religion, Sex, Utah
  • RIP Bob Bennett's Political Career, 1992 – 2010

    Sen. Bob Bennett's nearly-20-year career in politics came to an abrupt and violent end during Utah's GOP convention over the weekend at the hands of an angry and bloodthirsty mob of teabaggers who have vowed a locust-like wave of destruction across the Republican landscape…

    Sen. Bob Bennett of Utah, seeking his fourth term, was denied renomination at the state party convention over the weekend, finishing third behind businessman Tim Bridgewater and lawyer Mark Lee, one of whom will win the nomination in a primary next month…

    The Salt Lake Tribune describes the scene: "When it was announced that Bennett had been eliminated from the race, a huge ovation swept through the convention hall and there were hoots and shouts of 'He's gone! He's gone!' Other delegates hugged and tea party members waved their yellow 'Do Not Tread On Me' flags…"

    The insufficiently-hyper-conservative senator's career is survived by Utah Sen. Orrin Hatch's career, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell's career and Sen. Bob Bennett's upcoming lobbying career.


    Tags: Bob Bennett, Republicans, Senate, Tea Party, Utah
  • Hillary Clinton Is Totally Going to Be the Next Supreme Court Appointee, Totally

    Well, the SCOTUS rumors have already started to fly, and a lot of them are kind of silly. But this one here from Sen. Orrin Hatch is one that's so serious and so not-any-kind-of-conservative-shit-stirring that I hesitate to even call it a rumor at all

    Sen. Orrin Hatch says he's heard Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton's name mentioned in connection with the Supreme Court vacancy brought about by the retirement of Justice John Paul Stevens.

    Hatch didn't elaborate in an interview Monday. Appearing with Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Patrick Leahy on NBC's "Today" show, the Utah Republican said only, "I heard Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton's name today and that would be an interesting person in the mix."

    Hillary Clinton? Hmmmm… That would be an interesting person in the mix. Do you know whose I heard today? William Ayers. (Just now, when I was reading aloud as I typed.) I think that would be an interesting person in the mix.

    Oh, and Michael Moore. That would also be an interesting person in the mix.

    What about that fat transvestite from all those John Waters movies? Is she still alive? Who cares, doesn't matter. She would be a very interesting person in the mix.


    Tags: Hillary Clinton, John Paul Stevens, Orrin Hatch, Senate, Supreme Court, Utah
  • The Naked Hot Tub Politician of Utah Certainly Has a Firm Grasp on Reality

    Utah's House majority leader Kevin Garn, speaking on the statehouse floor, after news broke that he paid a a woman $150,000 to not divulge that he had a naked hot tub encounter with her 25 years ago when she was 15 years old…

    "I expect to suffer public humiliation and embarrassment."

    It is refreshing to see a politician with such reasonable expectations for the future.


    Tags: Scandalgate, Sex, Utah