Latest Posts

  • Barack Obama Ignores Libya for Sexytime

    While Real American Patriots were busy praying for the success of our NATO-funded Libyan brethren, our heathen Kenyan dictator-for-life was on an exotic island populated by mollusk-chomping white subhumans (i.e., liberals.)

    What manner of inconceivable evil did our sloth-in-chief get up to this weekend?

    But as much as his Republican opponents would like to begrudge him a vacation, the president golfed twice, took his girls to the beach and spent an evening with his wife at the romantic Beach Plum Inn overlooking the fishing village of Menemsha. And that was all just in the first weekend.

    Obama has also found time for socializing… Obama and White House advisor Valerie Jarrett headed to the beachfront home of Comcast CEO Brian Roberts, which overlooks Vineyard Sound… President Obama and Michelle Obama headed to the home where Jarrett is staying for what a spokesman described as a dinner with friends…the president and Jarrett also ventured out for a party with about 100 people at the home of Harvard Professor Charles Ogletree in Oak Bluffs.

    If Barack Obama loves his filthy Massachusetts paradise so much, he should just get a job on a fishing boat already. While the rest of America cried over Libya and engaged in the emotional eating of fried butter, Obama usurped the sacred sport of white Republicans, shamelessly showed off his rippling biceps on the beach, partied down with Harvard nerds, and took his lady on a sex date.

    Meanwhile, the GOP solved our debt crisis, created democracy in Libya, and taught the world the true meaning of love. This weekend made it clear who should be the next President of the United States of America: everyone in the Republican Party, at once.

    Photo by Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Barack Obama, Libya, Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts, Michelle Obama, Republicans, Vacation, Valerie Jarrett
  • Sorry, Massachusetts, Mitt Romney Won't Be Your Next Ted Kennedy

    It's a sad day for Massachusettsians who've been hoping Ted Kennedy's vacant Senate seat would be filled by someone with all the charisma of an ATM: Mitt Romney says he's busy, thanks

    "Governor Romney's focus right now is on helping other Republicans run for office, and that is how he will be spending his time," Romney aide Eric Fehrnstrom said in an e-mail to CNN.

    How noble of the Romneybot, to spend his time helping other Republicans run for office! Gee, I wonder how long he'll keep that up… until 2010? 2011? 2013? Who can hazard even the tiniest, wildest guess?

    Oh, and one other thing. Despite not wanting Kennedy's seat out of the goodness of his own heart, Romney is attending the funeral, where he will pay tribute to the man he challenged for a Senate seat in '94, back when he wasn't so generous. And — funny coincidence — just like President Obama, Romney is leaving his vacation early to join the mourners.

    But UNLIKE Barack Obama, who is insulting taxpayers with his high-falutin' Martha's Vineyard vacation, Mitt Romney is

    …cutting short his vacation in Italy to attend Kennedy’s funeral.

    Man, the conservative talk show hosts are gonna destroy this guy in 2012.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Edward Kennedy, Italy, Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, Vacation
  • Vacation Watch: Don't Let Your Children See This Picture of President Obama

    …otherwise they might think it's okay to ride a bike without a helmet when they're older, which it is not, because head injuries cause the vast majority of bicycling deaths, and hundreds of thousands of people who don't die still wind up in the emergency room with serious head injuries from biking accidents, and the president ought to be ashamed of himself for setting this terrible example for his children and yours!

    On the other hand, it can also be risky to wear a bike helmet.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Martha's Vineyard, Vacation
  • Barack Obama Sentences Ben Bernanke to Four Years of Torture

    Today Barack Obama is suspending his vacation schedule of eating soft-serve made from the tears of a million Fox News radio hosts, just for an hour or so, in order to make a very important announcement: Ben Bernanke, the straight-talking, nose-holding Chairbeard of the Federal Reserve is going to keep his job.

    Four more years, buddy

    Having pumped hundreds of billions of dollars into the financial system and tried to heal the economy with near zero interest rates, Mr. Bernanke needs to decide how and when to pull back. If he moves too soon, he could undermine a recovery, as happened in the U.S. in the 1930s and Japan in the 1990s. But if he moves too slowly, he could spur a new period of inflation, as in the U.S. in the 1970s.

    Of course, for months Bernanke-haters have been grumbling about punishing Ben for failing to foresee the severity of the recession and screwing Lehman Brothers and doing a little hm-hm with Bank of America.

    Congratulations, guys!

    Tags: Barack Obama, Ben Bernanke, Economy, Federal Reserve, Vacation
  • Vacation Watch: Please Don't Shoot the Children

    For the rest of this week members of the press corps will be scavenging Martha's Vineyard like starving bears, hoping to snarf some exclusive crumbs from President Obama's clam roll. But POTUS has laid down this one law, which is apparently more important than anything else, even overhauling government death panels: Do not stalk the First Daughters for a picture

    Aside from wishing a good time for all, in fact, the president had one clear message yesterday for reporters, said Bill Burton, the deputy White House press secretary: "The first family would very much appreciate if you respect the privacy of the girls while they’re out here on vacation."

    That was before Burton even got to the matters of whether the president would be conferring with advisers while on vacation (yes, some) or how he felt about the recent elections in Afghanistan (looking forward to hearing the results along with everybody else).

    Thank you very much, Nobama, for destroying the livelihoods of these poor hardworking paparazzi who depend on your family for income.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Bill Burton, Malia Obama, Martha's Vineyard, Sasha Obama, Vacation