* In The Washington Spectator's new animated video series, A Brodner Minute, illustrator Steve Brodner has the candidates swapping spit with their benefactors.
* Jeff Ross is going to Canada to roast an entire country.
* Republicans get cheeky with their Valentine's, via Buzzfeed.
* From McSweeney's: "American Policy Suggestions from a Chicago Sports Fan."
* All the world's books on Abraham Lincoln could build a 3 story tower. No, really.
Tags: Abraham Lincoln, Barack Obama, Canada, Chicago, Daily Links, Democrats, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Sports, Valentine's Day
This is too cute to spend much time on, so let's just be out with it…
"Today is Valentine's Day. Do not forget," [Obama] said with a grin, drawing laughter from a friendly crowd at an event in a White House auditorium.
"I speak from experience here. It is important that you remember this," Obama added. "And go big. That is my advice."
Maybe he should've clarified for Rick Santorum — by "go big," he doesn't mean the number of children your wife has to bear.
But the real message is that, hey, guys, the president's just like us! He knows what it's like to upset his significant other by forgetting about a day that was important to her, and then to apologize profusely like you always do, but for that apology to not be good enough this time, and then to have to move all his belongings out of her apartment because this wasn't just a single, isolated incident, but rather the latest example in a long line of neglectful acts in a relationship that seems to have lost that initial spark, and don't call this breaking up, it's more that we need a break, okay?
I need to be alone.
Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Barack Obama, Valentine's Day
This Valentine's Day, it's important to know that the greatest gifts are the ones you can look forward to enjoying again and again. Flowers wilt and are eventually eaten by the dog. Chocolate goes stale and is eventually eaten by the dog. Ultimately, you're left with nothing but some memories and no dog. That's why the best gift I received today was news that Rick Perry might run for president again in 2016.
After being asked about his experience debating the 2012 GOP candidates at the recent Conservative Political Action Conference, Perry replied…
"Debates have absolutely nothing to do with governing. But they do have everything to do with political theater," Perry said reviewing his performance.
"It was great practice," he said of the debates.
Asked if that was a reference to a possible 2016 run, he responded "it could be."
If Perry's 2012 run was just practice, his 2016 gaffes are going to be off the hook! Maybe he'll spray paint the n-word on his front door, or forget what a government is, or propose a law where no one is allowed to tell children where babies come from. Maybe he'll order us to water our crops with Brawndo. The possibilities are endless.
I, for one, hope we never get rid of Rick Perry, and that he'll stick around forever, like another gift you'll always remember: incurable gonorrhea.
Photo by Jonathan Gibby/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: 2016, Republicans, Rick Perry, Sex, Texas, Valentine's Day
Despite common misconceptions, U.S. politicians are not simply cold unfeeling syphons of money and power who leech resources from hardworking voters and bleed discontent into our shared consciousness. In fact, some of them are even capable of genuine human emotions like "love" and "non-quite hate."
Don't believe me? Check out this photo gallery of our nation's leaders expressing emotion with those lip-like things on their faces.
Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: John Boehner, Nancy Pelosi, Valentine's Day
This Valentine's Day, don't get your sweetheart the normal old boring gifts of candies, flowers and anal glide. Get him or her something that goes right past the brain and speaks directly to the heart…
Can you imagine anything more romantic than gingerly sliding your lady love's skirt down down from her waste and coming face-to-face with the foreign-born impostor who is conspiring with the Communist Muslims to tear down the Western World?
More gift ideas after the jump…
Tags: Barack Obama, Communism, Conservatives, Democrats, Food, Hillary Clinton, Republicans, Ronald Reagan, Sarah Palin, Sex, Valentine's Day