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Valentine's Day
  • Happy Day After Valentine's Day

    Since this is ostensibly a political blog that concerns itself with the comings and goings of presidents and the like, it is only fitting that we acknowledge the important day that today is: the day after Valentine's Day.

    Obviously, the day after Valentine's Day is a kind of sort of important (I guess) day for any regular American. But presidents aren't just regular Americans; they're super-Americans. Therefore the day after Valentine's Day is a super kind of sort of important for presidents. (See how flawless my logic is?)

    So, with that in mind, here's a list of all the U.S. presidents ranked in order from least-sexy to most-sexy that I found on Nerve. Because you're worth it.

    Tags: Valentine's Day
  • The GOP's Valentine's Day Website Is Pretty Much as Funny as You'd Think It'd Be

    The RNC has a new totally hype Valentine's Day website that they're using to mock the Democrats. And let me tell you, some of these cards are quite choice.

    Take, for example, this card making fun of Rahm Emauel…

    Burnt! Totally burnt! Oh my God, how embarrassing!

    And it would be even more embarrassing if this an almost exact facsimile of Emanuel's actual Valentine's Day card.

    Tags: Democrats, Rahm Emanuel, Republicans, Valentine's Day
  • Happy President's Day/Valentine's Day/Friday the 13th

    A couple days ago, a co-worker told me that she didn't think that I could write a blog post that simultaneously celebrated President's Day (Monday), Valentine's Day (tomorrow) and Friday the 13th (today) while also offending 100 percent of the blog's readership. I told her to go fuck herself. Then I told her I'd take on her challenge.

    I think this could probably be classified as some sort of slasher fiction…

    A Monumental Encounter

    Big Abe ran his coarse, log-splitting fingers along the smooth fabric of the mattress. "You say this baby normally goes for twice the amount on the sticker?" he asked the powder-wigged salesman.

    "I cannot tell a lie," Georgie responded, running his tongue delicately along his wooden teeth. "Yes, it does."

    "I like a man who takes pride in his honesty," Abe said. "Do you mind if take this mattress for a test drive? Just to see how well it holds up after four score seven winks?" He lay back on the soft downy cushion of the bed.

    "I don't think sleeping is what a big, thick-jawed man like you would have to worry," Georgie whispered. "But maybe I could give you a hand."

    Abe looked up with a sparkle in his eye. "Oh, to see how it presents itself in a situation which pits brother against brother."


    Big Abe took Georgie hand and pulled him closer. Georgie grabbed hold of Abe's stove top hat and pulled, while erecting his own monument. But then, just as Big Abe was about to knock down Georgie's cherry tree, a shot split the quiet of the room. And Georgie found himself covered in the gore of what a moment ago had been Big Abe's head.

    He looked up above the headboard and shrieked. There stood a man dirty overalls and a hockey mask.

    A voice came sussurating from behind the mask, "Sic semper tyrannis."

    Georgie ran screaming from the room and outside into the night, crossing the Delaware and looking for a place to hide from the evil thing which had just presented itself. As fast as he ran, he could hear its breathing keeping pace behind him.

    And then he tripped. He looked up and with horrified eyes he saw…

    To never be continued…

    I am not proud of myself.

    Tags: Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, President's Day, Valentine's Day
  • Be My Bi-Partisan Cover Vote? Obama Makes it Up to His Congressional Republican Valentines

    Did you ever have to draft a piece of economic recovery legislation, work really hard to load it down with all sorts of decadent goodies like food stamps and energy assistance for poor people, until it's the day of and you realize, "Hey, I need some Republicans to vote for this too?" So you race to redo the whole thing, pick up some business tax cuts at the drug store, drop billions of dollars in education funding and race to the Senate floor only to discover that not only do they still hate it, but you also forgot that February 14 is also their mother's birthday and they are most certainly not going to vote for it.

    Folks, this is exactly what our president is going through right now, which is why we suggest he send these Valentines to make it up to the poor, jilted Republicans in Congress:

    (Thanks to Angela Inferrera on the design and Photoshoppin'. More Valentines after the jump).

    Tags: Barack Obama, Economy, Valentine's Day