Super Tuesday Predictions: Place Your Bets Now

Ilya Gerner: I believe the trees will be the right height in Massachusetts, Virginia, Vermont, Alaska, Idaho, North Dakota and even Ohio. Too many slight dogwoods in the other states for Mitt Romney to do well. Also, too many Evangelicals.

Jess Dweck: Mitt Romney will win Massachusetts, Virginia and Vermont, while Rick Santorum will take Tennessee, Oklahoma and any other state that has more people than teeth. Newt Gingrich will be elected Moon President of Georgia.

Dan Poppy: Rick Santorum will win big in Oklahoma, confirming once and for all that Okies have never used Google. Mitt Romney will be genuinely surprised that there are people who like him. Ron Paul will burst into a thousand gold doubloons when a supporter slaps him on the back to congratulate him for winning Alaska. Newt Gingrich will be insufferable.

More predictions after the jump…

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Tags: Alaska, Georgia, Idaho, Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Super Tuesday, Tennessee, Vermont, Virginia

Super Tuesday Liveblog: Tue. 3/6, 7pm ET

Join us here and @indecision on Super Tuesday, 3/6 at 7pm ET, as Georgianians, Idahoers, North Dakotacs, Ohioles, Tennesseers, Vermontians, Virginnies, Alaskars and the Red Sox Nation cast their votes in high school gymnasiums and elementary school gymnasiums and other gymnasiums and laundromats (pictured). We'll keep  going until all the results are in or until we fall asleep.

Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Alaska, Georgia, Idaho, Liveblog, Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Super Tuesday, Tennessee, Vermont, Virginia

The United States of Unflattering Stereotypes

How long does it take to travel to every state in the nation and mock it right to its face? About two minutes…

I think it's really cool that Paul Jury traveled 19,000 miles in the service of writing his book States of Confusion, but you've got to wonder if it was really necessary. If he was really interested in seeing how everybody in the country really lives, couldn't he have just gone to a Wal-Mart in a Hoveround?

Tags: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Books, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming

Daniel Freilich, the Candidate Your Candidate Could Smell Like

Patrick Leahy may feel safe and secure in his incumbent seat as Vermont's senior senator going into the state primaries next week, but he'd best watch his left flank. Or his right flank. Or maybe just his underarm flank. Because Democratic challenger Daniel Freilich is coming up strong. He's on a cow!

Okay, so Freilich isn't quite as attractive as the actual Old Spice guy, Isaiah Mustafa. Nor quite as articulate. Or charismatic. And, though I don't know much about Mustafa's politics, I'd wager that Freilich isn't as much of a policy wonk.

Anyway, I forget what I was talking about.

Tags: Patrick Leahy, Senate, Vermont

Vermont Finally Making an Honest Man Out of Gay Marriage

Did you hear that? That was the sound of your opposite marriage relationship crashing into a ravine of disaffection under the oppressive weight of some strangers that you'll never ever meet's newly legal vows to one another…

After 17 years together, Bill Slimback and Bob Sullivan couldn't wait another minute to get married. So they didn't. With Vermont's new law allowing same-sex marriage only a minute old, they tied the knot in a midnight ceremony at a rustic lodge, becoming one of the first couples to legally wed under a law that took effect at midnight Monday…

"It feels wonderful," said Slimback, 38, an out-of-work Teamster who is taking Sullivan's last name as his own. "It's a day I've been long waiting for, and a day I truly honestly thought would never come."

Bah! A couple of perverts like that just make you sick, don't they? No benevolent God could ever smile upon a union like that, obviously.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a very busy schedule. These puppies protecting baby chicks aren't going to kick themselves, ya know.

Tags: LGBT, Marriage Equality, Vermont