Florida has many glorious events: nightly fireworks at Disney World, weekly shuffleboard at your grandparents' retirement community, and semiannual gin-soaked hurricane parties. And if you're down with masses of angry white people waving 4,000-year-old books in the air to justify their disdain for homosexuals and/or love of guns and/or aversion to immigrants, you'll love the most rockin' event of them all — CPAC FL!
We've assembled a handy list of the best workshops, films and lectures on offer at the Orange County Convention Center…
* "Social Media 101" (or "Your Teabagger Granddaddy Learns How to Copy and Paste an AOL Forward to Tumblr")
* "Using Humor for Effective Content" (or "Victoria Jackson Is Probably Here")
* A screening of the film Ronald Reagan: Rendezvous with Destiny (original title: AIDS? What's That? Have Some Jellybeans!)
And yes, all the Republican presidential candidates will be there. Please make sure your grandma is wearing her American flag bra to the Santorum rally, so everyone can witness her patriotism when she flings it at him.
Thankfully, George W. Bush won't be speaking, so Granny won't have to throw elbows at Michele Bachmann to score some quality snuggle time.
Tags: Conservatives, CPAC, Florida, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ronald Reagan, Victoria Jackson
Barack Obama Is Considering Banning Fishing in America (and Other Important Issues Discussed at the Tax Day Tea Party)
You know, these Teabaggers catch a lot of shit for supposedly being misinformed, willfully ignorant, bullheaded, silly, hyperbolic and a little bit off in the sanity department.
But, when you watch a video like this, it just makes you think that some of them a pretty okay at making signs…
(Thanks to Michael for the tip.)
Tags: Barack Obama, Health Care, Socialism, Tea Party, Victoria Jackson
Fox News was just covering some teabagging thing that's supposedly happening today on account of what important news that is, when they decided it was vitally important to interview SNL performer Victoria Jackson, who will be participating, to show just how grounded, normal, likable, and not-at-all-misinformed-and-willfully-ignorant your average teabagger is.
I really think she nailed it, don't you?
Jackson: I never did anything like this, but we have to, because the President's a communist.
Doocy: Now, he is not a communist…
Jackson: You might not say "communist," but I watch Glenn Beck, and he's taught me well. "Progressive" is the new word for "communist," but it's the same goal. It's government control of everything. And it's very obvious that Obama's trying to do that. I don't wanna brag, but I sorta called it before he was elected and I was on O'Reilly and I said he was a communist. I got a lot of hate mail, but I got some that said I was "prescient," which means "a prophet."
Yep. Totally nailed it. Totally, totally. I don't wanna brag, but I sorta knew she would. Because, you see, the Lord sent down an archangel to strike me with seven months of spasms, during which time I was made to only eat my own hair, which I interpreted to mean that Victoria Jackson would pretty much nail this Fox and Friends interview.
(via Little Green Footballs)
Tags: Barack Obama, Communism, Fox, Glenn Beck, Saturday Night Live, Steve Doocy, Tea Party, Victoria Jackson
Noted intellectual and ukulele-player Victoria Jackson has been pondering one of the most serious questions that has faced our generation: What does liberals' obsession with health care have to do with their mission of killing everything that God loves? (Because, "[i]t couldn't be because they actually care about sick, poor people." Obviously, right?)
After a lot of very strenuous thinking, she hit upon the smartest answer that has ever been thought up…
Social Security and Medicare are broke. Baby boomers, like me, are getting old and will soon be asking for it. Socialized medicine makes people die. You stand in a long, long line with a breast lump, clogged artery, or sharp pencil stuck in your eye, and someone like the DMV person, who can't speak English [ed. note: illegal alien], has chewing gum, an attitude, really long fake nails that curl up at the end [ed. note: black lady], and is talking on a cell phone, enjoying their power trip moment, is finally face to face with you. They mumble something incoherent about paperwork. You die. One less person in line for Social Security and Medicare!
Obama legally kills babies and now he can legally kill Grandmas!
Isn't it humbling to bear witness to a true genius of brain thinking in your own time? It's so obvious! How did we not see it? Obama was elected by the Democrats, foreigners and homosexuals to kill your grandmom!
Jeeze, this whole thing reminds me of something that somebody else did. Somebody really evil. What's his name? Damn, it's right on the tip of my tongue. Who was it again who did this exact same thing before, Ms. Jackson?
Hitler did this.
Oh yeah! That's right. Can you please explain to me how this is exactly the same thing, using the most reasonable, even-tempered and well-researched arguments possible?
He killed the weak, the sick, the old, and babies and races/religions he didn't like. Hitler also controlled the media. (Where's the public debate between scientists on "Climate Change/Global Warming?") Hitler had the VW bug invented as the state car. What will O's nationalized car be?
So… kill off the weak. That's the plan. Tax the workers to death. Erase the middle class. Sounds like the evil governments we studied in high school long ago. The evil governments were: kings, oligarchies, facist, socialist, and communist. Now it's called the Obama Administration. Sounds like candy or a rock band.
Wow! That made perfect sense. Except that part about the candy and the rock band. And the dozen or so parts before it.
(via The War Room)
Tags: Adolf Hitler, Barack Obama, Health, Health Care, Victoria Jackson