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Virginia
  • 5 Strangest Election Results of 2012

    The Democrats' failure to light themselves on fire and squander their advantage in the polls has to count as one major surprise, but believe it or not there were even more compelling stories this year…

    1. Dead candidates win elections in Florida and Alabama. It's not quite as consequential as John Ashcroft's defeat at the hands of Mel Carnahan's corpse, but Florida Democrat Earl K. Wood and Alabama Republican Charles Beasley both handily won their respective elections despite facing living opponents. "It is a touchy situation. When you are running against a dead man, you are limited as to what you can say," Walter Sansing, Beasley's opponent, lamented.

    If nothing else, it's fodder for those Republicans who want to run Zombie Reagan in 2016. Like Sansing said, who is going to go negative against a dead man?

    Read More »


    Tags: Alabama, Animals, Florida, Kentucky, Virginia
  • Quote Unquote: Half in the Bag

    David Axelrod on the redness of North Carolina, Virginia, and Florida

    .

    "Anybody who thinks those states are in the bag is half in the bag themselves."

    .

    That may be the case, but if you think North Carolina is going to tip toward Obama at this point then you are probably on some sort of strong hallucinogenic. Because, really, what is blue or red anyway? They're just illusions. Everything is an illusion. Oh my God, all of life is nothing more than a puff of illogical imagination emanating from David Axelrod's mustache?

    When your really think about it, that's about as likely as Obama taking N.C.


    Tags: David Axelrod, Florida, North Carolina, Quote Unquote, Virginia
  • Joe Biden Successfully Thwarted from Entering Bakery

    Chris McMurray — co-owner, with his wife, of the Crumb and Get It bakery in Radford, Virginia — recently survived a terrifying ordeal when a spokesperson for the Vice President of the United States entered his establishment with news that every small businessperson is loathe to hear:  Joe Biden wants to have a photo op in your store

    Wednesday morning, advance teams for Vice President Joe Biden walked in. "I approached her she said Joe Biden is coming to town today," McMurray said…

    "She said they have selected 'Crumb and Get It' to be his stop on his way to Blacksburg and was wondering if that was ok."

    Can you imagine the fear that no doubt pulsed through this poor man's body upon hearing that? Joe Biden. In your store. Gaffing all over the place. Tracking socialism all over the freshly-mopped floors. Coughing his disdain for capitalism all over the baked goods. What do you do in that situation?!

    "This is an opportunity of a lifetime but essentially I said 'No offense to you or the campaign but I just decline you guys coming in here. At that time she said 'Are you sure? There's going to be a lot of press, a lot of activity,’" McMurray said…

    McMurray said it was President Obama's recent remarks about small business and who built what. "Very simply, 'you didn't build that'" McMurray said. "Speaking of small businesses and entrepreneurs all across this country and actually last night my wife was up all night. No sleep, she's worked a full 24 hours."

    McMurray's wife was unable to comment herself, presumably because she was busy outside repairing U.S. Route 11 so that patrons could continue making their way to their place of business. Or something equally self-reliant.

    Anyway, so what happened with Biden? Was McMurray's refusal enough to repulse the Vice President and send him back into the shadows from whence he came? Not exactly…

    When "Crumb and Get It" said 'no', "River City Grill," just around the corner, said 'yes' and has the pictures to prove it, and didn't care about the politics.

    "If you want to throw in some libertarians as well that's fine too. Stop in as well," Chris Bell said. "Just bring your money. Sure, right!"

    Somebody had to be sacrificed to satiate the Vice President's enormous hunger for smiley photographs. Better him than me is what I say. It's the law of the jungle out there, man. Only the strong survive.

    Photo by Brendan Hoffman/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Food, Joe Biden, Virginia
  • Joe Biden Joe Bidens All Over Virginia Rally

    Which of the following did America's crazy uncle Joe Biden manage to accomplish while speaking in Danville, Virginia?

    a) Told the crowd, "With you, we can win North Carolina again," raising the possibility that in Barack Obama's 57 state America, the city of Danville is located across the border in the Tarheel state.

    b) Wore the second button of his shirt open, probably because his good, campaign-ready wifebeater was in the wash.

    c) Went on an extended exposition about chains, which Google Translate has not yet managed to transcribe into English: "They've said it. Every Republican's voted for it. Look at what they value and look at their budget and what they're proposing. Romney wants to let the — he said in the first 100 days, he's going to let the big banks once again write their own rules — unchain Wall Street. They're going to put y'all back in chains."

    d) Lamely imitated the ASL translator, "That poor lady, she's gonna have tendinitis by the time she finishes this."

    Read More »


    Tags: Joe Biden, North Carolina, Virginia
  • What Happens at GSA Conferences, Stays in GSA Inspector General Reports

    If you've been successful, you didn't get there on your own. For instance, if you've got a successful business leading team-building exercise in which the group leader chants "keep integrity, accountability to that bass beat," you didn't build that. Somebody at the Government Services Administration did that.

    Following reports of a $823,000 conference in Las Vegas, a four-day event that included a clown, a mind reader and a $30,000 reception (but no unpaid prostitutes, looking at you, Secret Service), the General Services Administration has been under close scrutiny.

    This time, the agency's inspector general is investigating a one-day $269,000 awards ceremony in Arlington, Virginia that included…

    * $34,073.38 in catering and room rental charges,

    * $28,364.45 for "time and temperature picture frames"

    * $20,578.24 for 4,000 drumsticks given out to employees, and

    * a $7,697.22 "commissioners reception" for high-ranking officials

    Keep in mind, the Secret Service probably had a lot more fun banging their drum sticks on their taxpayer-funded trips than did the GSA. Plus, I doubt many federal bureaucrats want to be stuck in Marriott Hotel to celebrate their performance. They'd rather get a bonus.

    Unfortunately, cheesy ceremonies and tchotchkes for rank-and-file workers in lieu of actual rewards has become the norm in the private sector. So perhaps the government is finally starting to run like a business.

    Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Money, Virginia