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Walter Mondale
  • Geraldine Ferraro Breaks New Barrier, Becomes First Female U.S. Vice-Presidential Candidate in Heaven

    I'm sure you've probably heard the sad news that former congressperson from New York and America's first-ever female vice-presidential candidate Geraldine Ferraro succumbed to blood cancer over the weekend at the age of 75.

    Whether you remember her for her unforgettable ground-breaking achievements or her wish-you-could-forgettable controversies, I think we can all agree that Walter Mondale looked like somebody's sad carpet-salesman uncle next to her. And that's what really matters.

    Here is her one appearance on The Daily Show, from 2005. (Not sure why they never got around to interviewing her back in 1984. Probably because she's a woman. Figures.)

    The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.

    Tags: Geraldine Ferraro, House of Representatives, Walter Mondale
  • Joe Biden Now the Most Popular Cheerleader in School

    Picture, if you will, Vice President Joe Biden in a cute cheerleader uniform with a pleated skirt. He steps up to a podium, pulls out a megaphone, and barks, "B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E! BE! AGGRESSIVE! B-E AGGRESSIVE!" Then he does a double back handspring into a roundoff into a split.

    Aroused? Of course you are. And the White House is betting that Biden will have the exact same effect on hordes of miserable Democratic voters, which is why the vice president has embarked on a Sexy Cheerleader National Tour ahead of the midterm elections

    Mr. Biden has been zipping around the country to places like Columbia, S.C., and hard-hit Rust Belt cities like Akron, Ohio, and Pittsburgh, while Mr. Obama has been confining himself largely to friendlier settings like college campuses and big-dollar fund-raisers.

    "He's the one everybody wants — every candidate out there, when you ask them, 'What can I do for you?' they say, 'Can you get Joe Biden?' " said former Vice President Walter Mondale, who appeared recently with Mr. Biden at a rally for Mark Dayton, the Democratic candidate for governor in Minnesota. "He seems to understand working people, he's got the ethnic background, he puts a lot of emphasis on his faith and his family, and people are comfortable with him."

    Good ol' Unca Walt Mondale, who is somehow still alive, forgot to mention Biden's killer gams and coquettish smile. And get ready for Joe Biden's special cameo on the October 26th episode of "GLEE," when a statuesque, preternaturally mature transfer student knocks Quinn off the top of the Cheerios pyramid.

    This is definitely going to ensure that the Democrats hang onto the Senate and the House. Just wait 'til Biden busts out his pom-poms!

    Goooooo TEAM!

    Tags: Democrats, Joe Biden, Midterms, Walter Mondale
  • The One in Which Indecision 2008 Locates and Reprints the Most Seriously Moronic Piece of Campaign Advice For John McCain

    Here at Indecision 2008, we've dedicated ourselves to delivering you the most laughable punditry on the web, largely to mask our tremendous incompetence as comedians and save ourselves the trouble of having to come up with actual jokes.

    So it is with great pleasure that we announce that this morning, at 11:34 a.m. EDT, we found holy grail — the stupidest piece of political punditry ever committed to print. A piece of campaign strategy so unholy and dumb, that the pundit in question should immediately stop whatever it is he's doing turn in his press badge and audience reaction meter and get a job feeding money through an industrial shredder or shoveling diamonds off a cliff — something — anything less dumb than the excreting the manner of punditry you are about to witness.

    For Sen. John McCain to win [North Carolina], he will have to look back to May and take a few pages from the campaign playbook of Sen. Hillary Clinton. Clinton made a concerted effort to target conservative Democrats uncomfortable with Obama’s liberal record. She essentially ran a Republican campaign in a Democratic primary; appearing on programs such as The O’Reilly Factor and courting local press in conservative vote rich eastern North Carolina, including small but influential conservative newspapers such as the Dunn Daily Record.

    Once McCain finds the Hillary Clinton playbook, he should definitely take the first couple pages of Chapter 12, "How to Lose by More than 14 Points, but Not More than 16 Points."

    Although Clinton did not win North Carolina, her campaign can serve as a road map for McCain to find the conservative Democrats and swing voters he needs to carry the state.

    Of course, if McCain is going to use the Hillary option in North Carolina, then Obama will probably be forced to counter, nationally, with the Mondale Strategy. Although Mondale lost in the biggest electoral landslide in history, he did effectively identify the 14 people who would ultimately vote for him. And now they play gin rummy every Sunday.

    Occasionally, they let Mondale win.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, John McCain, North Carolina, Walter Mondale
  • How Many Polls Does It Take to Screw Up an Election?

    The blogs yesterday were buzzing with bad news for Democrats: the new Gallup/USA Today poll showed John McCain opening up a 54%-44% lead over Barack Obama.

    Well, it turns out that the prediction of Obama's demise might have been a little preemptive, because a rash of polls were released yesterday, and every one of them except for Gallup showed the race in a statistical dead heat.

    There's no question that McCain has gone up in the polls, but he’s certainly not leading the race by 10 percentage points.

    McCain's rise is clearly directly attributable to his selection of Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate, which has energized the conservative base and improved his numbers among women. However, as DailyKos notes, Walter Mondale experienced a similar bump in 1984 after naming Geraldine Ferraro as his running mate, jumping 16 points in the polls before going on to get slaughtered by Ronald Reagan in the election.

    Anyway, polls are funny things. For instance, a new Fox News/Rasmussen poll shows the presidential race tied in Florida, which nobody expects to go for Obama.

    What was that they say about the only poll that matters?

    Tags: Barack Obama, Geraldine Ferraro, John McCain, Ronald Reagan, Walter Mondale
  • Can Barack Obama Win Without OH or FL?

    So, you know how every year the Democrats rely on the same couple states full of liberal elitists that will always tip blue (well, unless the nominee is named something like Bondale or Mongale) and then hope like hell that Florida and Ohio just barely squeak out a victory for them or that a third party conservative makes a good enough showing so that they can slip in under the wire?

    Well, some crazy people think that you don't have to do it that way. And one of those crazy people is Obama campaign manager David Plouffe

    …Plouffe told a largely young crowd that the electoral map would be fundamentally different from the one in 2004. Wins in Ohio and Florida would guarantee Obama the presidency if he holds onto the states won by Democrat John Kerry, Plouffe said, but those two battlegrounds aren't required for victory…

    "You have a lot of ways to get to 270," Plouffe said. "Our goal is not to be reliant on one state on November 4th"…

    Plouffe and his aides are weighing where to contest, and where chances are too slim to marshal a large effort. A win in Virginia (13 electoral votes) or Georgia (15 votes) could give Obama a shot if he, like Kerry, loses Ohio or Florida.

    I don't know. This seems like a dangerous deviation from the Democratic tradition of consistent soul-murdering defeat. If Democrats start to win, they could acquire long-time power. And if they had power, they could grow spines. And if they had spines, they wouldn't really be Democrats, would they?

    On the plus side, though, this strategy could open up a whole bunch of new states for Dems to lose in by a few votes. And that means lots more highly plausible, well-researched conspiracy theories.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Florida, Georgia, John Kerry, John McCain, Ohio, Ross Perot, Virginia, Walter Mondale