Imagine you're a Seattle cyclist merrily commuting to work on your bike, a thermos of fair trade coffee in hand and a hemp messenger bag slung over your shoulder. You'd think you were Gaea's gift to environmentalism, right?
WRONG! You are a goddamned monstrous eco-villain! So says Rep. Ed Orcutt (R-Kalama), the ranking Republican on Washington State's House Transportation Committee, in a letter to a bicycle store owner:
"If I am not mistaken, a cyclist has an increased heart rate and respiration. That means that the act of riding a bike results in greater emissions of carbon dioxide from the rider. Since CO2 is deemed to be a greenhouse gas and a pollutant, bicyclists are actually polluting when they ride."
This was Rep. Orcutt's explanation for why he'd be supporting a sales tax proposal that would require everyone who buys a bike for more than $500 to pay a $25 fee.
As long as we assume that every cyclist is eating a diet of pure petroleum (and motorists don't eat anything and never burn calories), Orcutt's argument makes sense, but doesn't go nearly far enough. Wait till he learns about running.
Photo by Dan Kitwood/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Energy & Oil, Environment, State Legislature, Washington
Yesterday Washington State issued its first marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Naturally, chaos ensued, as militant degenerates–like these thuggish women here–descended upon town offices in an attempt to destroy America as we know it.
See more photos here, but only if you can handle it.
Tags: LGBT, Marriage Equality, Washington
Just after midnight, Washington State's law legalizing same-sex marriage went into effect. Jane Abbott Lighty and Pete-e Petersen were given the first same-sex marriage license in King County, proving that social conservatives should focus more on the environmental impact of marriage equality, because damnit, it got real dusty in here all of a sudden.
Can you feel Lighty and Peterson's matrimony slowly boring into the foundation of your heterosexual relationship, undermining your family and uprooting civilized values? No? Neither can most Americans. According to yesterday's Gallup poll, 53% favor legalized same-sex marriage, tying the previous record high. Meanwhile, a new Quinnipiac poll shows marriage equality favored 48 to 46%.
The same Q-Poll found 51-44% support for the legalization of marijuana, coming on the back of a PPP poll showing a 58% majority in favor of recreational weed. It's an impressive sea-change in Americans' political opinions, but I don't think people have considered how long these pot-filled gay weddings are going to take: "Woah, have you looked at this wedding ring? No, I mean really looked at it?"
Photo by David Ryder/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: LGBT, Marijuana, Marriage, Marriage Equality, Polls, Washington
Washington state cast its 12 electoral votes for Barack Obama, as was the will of its electorate. Its voters also saw fit to legalize both gay marriage and recreational marijuana usage.
So, as I'm sure you can imagine, a place like Seattle is pretty much a nightmarish hellscape of oppression for freedom-loving Tea Party activists…
"It's getting harder and harder for me. I was at Trader Joe's, and I was glaring at everyone around me," says Keli Carender, 33, co-organizer of the local group… "I kept thinking I was surrounded by people who are destroying freedom,"says Carender. "It's starting to make me angry, not wanting to be around these people."
Tags: Drugs, LGBT, Marijuana, Marriage Equality, Tea Party, Washington
We were doing so well! Almost an entire week without a single offensive remark about rape coming from a politician of either party, and here comes John Koster — the Republican nominee for Washington's First Congressional District — to ruin our new record…
"On the rape thing, it's like, how does putting more violence onto a woman's body and taking the life of an innocent child that's the consequence of this crime, how does that make it better?" Koster said. "You know what I mean?"
Obviously, the flippancy of the remarks — "Yeah, I was gonna go to the store but then the 'rape thing' came up and I totes forgot about it" — is attracting the most attention, but it's Koster's inability to distinguish between the violation of sexual assault and the voluntarism of a freely chosen abortion that's most offensive.
Still, a word to the wise: If you're a male politician, best to do more listening than speaking when it comes to the "rape thing." Maybe spend more time talking about what you're going to do about the poverty thingamajig and the education doohickey.
Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Abortion, Crime, Washington, Women's Rights