* Jon Stewart gets between two ferns, from Funny or Die.
* Mitt Romney tries to win over the Hispanic vote…not cool, dude.
* Why is he named Mitt Romney anyways?
* Dead Authors podcast, featuring Nietzsche and H.P. Lovecraft.
* The latest installment of McSweeney's "The Long Walk: A Column About Washington."
Tags: Daily Links, Mitt Romney, Racism, The Onion, Washington DC
Forget torture memos and climate-change papers, the hot document being released today is the White House Correspondents' Dinner menu.
You can read it here in all its succulent glory…
Salad: Black Lentil Terrine with lump Crabmeat, Tango Green and Red Artisan Greens, Red and Yellow Tear Drop Tomatoes — drizzled with a Dill Vinaigrette
Bread Presentation: Seven-Grain Rolls, White and Wheat Rolls; Sourdough Rolls, Flatbreads and butter
Entrée: Texas Rubbed Petite Filet with a Calvados Demi, paired with Duo of Jumbo Shrimp seasoned with Red Curry; Roasted Haricot Verts, Baby Pepper, Patty Pan Squash; Tasso Mache Choux Risotto
Dessert: The Galaxy — Rich Chocolate Truffle Mousse layered with Chocolate Genoise and Almond Macaroon, Ganache Truffle Center finished in a chocolate glaze, garnished with fresh raspberries…
Wines: Estancia Chardonnay and Cabernet Sauvignon
The chefs have been preparing for weeks and will be serving enough food to feed hundreds of people, or about three Newt Gingriches.
Looking at the menu, you can really tell a Democrat planned it. If a Republican were in charge, the Rich Chocolate Truffle Mousse would have been filled with pink slime.
The President will probably enjoy the dinner even though it's not completely suited to his culinary tastes. There's no organic arugula or Indonesian dog sliders.
Photo by Peter Gridley/Photographer's Choice/Getty Images
Tags: Correspondents' Dinner, Food, Jimmy Kimmel, Washington DC, White House
* Democrats get passive aggressive with Barack Obama.
* Michelle Obama teaches us a valuable lesson about the Titanic, from The Onion.
* The latest dispatch in McSweeney's column about Washington D.C.
* The Dana Gould Hour podcast gets real and really hilarious on the topic of conspiracy theories.
Tags: Barack Obama, Democrats, Primaries, Republicans, The Onion, Washington DC
Herman Cain, why did America's comedians ever doubt you? You're just as much fun out of the presidential race as you were in it.
Everyone else: I should probably be more specific. I'm not talking about some weird Herman Cain ad where a farmer gets pecked to death by murderous chickens as part of a high-concept, avante-garde critique of the federal government; that was yesterday.*
No, I'm talking about Herman Cain's 9-9-9 Patriot Summit in Washington, D.C. Which is part of "Cain's Revolution on the Hill." Which is a tax week event that's apparently meant to protest taxes. Which are things people pay to the government so it can pave roads and bomb the Middle East.
But still, most of the scheduled events are suspiciously normal-sounding. Like Sunday's "Registration & Welcome Cocktail Reception" and Monday's "Lunch Break." The only thing that sounds even a little promising is Monday's 8 a.m. "Registration & Training Breakfast."
It's unclear what would constitute training for a Herman Cain-organized event that he's calling a "revolution." But I've got a feeling it might involve Batman; I don't think he's done any Batman things yet.
*Or an earlier ad where rabbits are shotgunned out of the air as part of a similar critique. Man, Herman Cain is weird.
Photo by Allison Shelley – Stringer/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Herman Cain, Republicans, Taxes, Washington DC
Mark Judge is a writer for the conservative outlet the Daily Caller and author of A Tremor of Bliss: Sex, Catholicism, and Rock 'n' Roll, which features sexytime tips from St. Thomas Aquinas and G.K. Chesterton as interpreted by Judge ("marriage is not a license for unrestrained sex to be indulged in whenever the mood strikes").
More importantly, Judge really loved his L.L. Bean bicycle. A bicycle that was stolen in Washington, DC. By a black guy. Maybe. It's basically an updated version of the Bicycle Thief, except instead of being a classic neo-realist defense of humanism, it's the story of one white dude embracing his inner racist…
My white guilt died on Good Friday, April 6, 2012. That was the day my bike got stolen…
I could be pretty certain that on Good Friday a member of the Little Sisters of the Poor, which is across the street from where I was parked, had not nicked my bike. Neither had the monks at the Dominican House of Studies on the corner. The students at Catholic University were on Easter break. That left the neighborhoods around the university. Since the time I was an undergrad at Catholic University in the 1980s, most of the crime that has occurred on campus has come from those neighborhoods, which are predominately black. As sure as it took the D.C. cops forever to get to the parking lot to file a report, I knew that the odds were very high that a black person had taken my bike…
When I got home I vented to my friends. I told them I was going to scour those neighborhoods until I found the bike. In reply, a liberal friend gave me a lecture about profiling and told me to just forget about the bike. "That person needs our prayers and help," she said. "They haven't had the advantages we have."
Needless to say, Judge does not take the advice of his imaginary liberal friend. Let's hope Eric Holder gets to the bottom of this so Judge can return to the enlightened views that garnered him Daily Caller column space in the first place.
Photo by Dan Kitwood/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Conservatives, Crime, Racism, Washington DC