Washington State Residents Vote on All-Important Tapeworm Proposition

It's nice to see that the good people of Washington State are actually voting for something meaningful today (and, no, this is not from The Onion)…

This measure would require the Seal of the State of Washington to be changed to depict a vignette of a tapeworm dressed in a three piece suit attached to the lower intestine of a taxpayer shown as the central figure.

The seal would be required to be encircled with the following words: "Committed to sucking the life blood out of each and every tax payer." The illustration would be selected from submissions submitted by taxpayers.

All things considered, I think they're being rather charitable.

(via Reddit)

Tags: Election Day, Taxes, Washington

Taxes More Important Than Gay Dudes Being Gay This Year

Well here's some good news for people who don't enjoy the government being on or inside their body, or whatever the "feminists" and "homosexuals" say: Social issues are practically absent from state ballots this fall. Only fetally-obsessed Colorado has an abortion measure on its ballot. And for the first time in ten years, not one state is asking its idiot voters to decide whether lesbians and gays should be able to get married! This is of course because in the past ten years, literally everyone has become gay.

Tell us what we Americans actually will get to vote on, Monday McPaper!

* Washington. In the most important effort to raise taxes, voters will decide whether to impose the state's first-ever income tax, starting at 5% on individual income above $200,000.

* Colorado. Three measures would slash property taxes $2.1 billion a year, prohibit the state from borrowing and cut fees on cars and telecommunications.

* Massachusetts. A proposal to cut the sales tax to 3% from 6.25% would reduce state revenue $2.5 billion annually.

Uh, not to be mean? But all those numbers and percentage signs add up to a fat load of boooooorrrrriiiiinnnnnng.

Sure, maybe taxes and government spending/borrowing are important and actually affect the lives of more Americans than, say, two dudes getting hitched at some chapel in Vegas. But this whole economics thing takes more thinking and calculating than creating a sign that says "CELLS ARE PEEPUL TWO!" and hoisting it while screaming at a scared young woman outside a health center.

Hopefully by 2012 the economy will improve and we'll be back to focusing on strangers' reproductive organs, and where they choose to put them.

Tags: Abortion, Colorado, LGBT, Marriage Equality, Massachusetts, Taxes, Washington

Stephen Colbert's Gayest Gay Marriage Moments

Last week, after Federal Judge Vaughn Walker finding that California's Prop 8 law violates the U.S. Constitution, Stephen Colbert took the news and knocked it out of the softball park for lesbian softball players with this helpful segment…

How to Ruin Same-Sex Marriages

Is it constitutional to gay marry a video clip? I'm not sure. Should we check with all of these other great Colbert gay marriage videos after the jump?

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Read More »

Tags: California, Constitution, LGBT, Marriage Equality, Proposition 8, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Vaughn Walker, Video, Washington

FBI Arrests Second Man in Two Days for Making Some Phone Calls or Something

Yesterday, the FBI arrested a Washington state man for making numerous threatening phone calls to Sen. Patty Murray.

And now, today the FBI is arresting a California man for making numerous threatening phones calls to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi…

The FBI arrested a northern California man Wednesday for allegedly making threatening phone calls to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi over health care reform, law enforcement officials told The Associated Press…

Several federal officials said the man made dozens of calls to Pelosi's homes in California and Washington, as well as to her husband's business office. They said he recited her home address and said if she wanted to see it again, she would not support the health care overhaul bill that since has been enacted.

Jesus! It's getting so that a guy can't promise his legislator that he'll dance an ecstatic dance in the moonlight draped only in the legislator's excoriated skin if it's the last thing he ever does without The Man getting all over his back.

I don't even recognize this country anymore.

Tags: Barack Obama, California, Charles Alan Wilson, FBI, Health Care, House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, Patty Murray, Senate, Tea Party, Washington

FBI Arrests Man for Enacting His Constitutional Right to Threaten the Murder of a Senator Numerous Times

They've been warning us that this day would come, and it finally has. Barack Obama and his brownshirts in the FBI are starting to round up and arrest ordinary patriotic Americans for no reason other than that they oppose the Obama regime's march toward socialism.

That, and also maybe for repeatedly threatening to murder a U.S. Senator. But, probably mostly for the first thing…

Federal prosecutors have charged a Washington state man, Charles Alan Wilson, with repeatedly making threatening calls to Sen. Patty Murray's Seattle office, threatening to kill her because of her support for the health care bill…

In one message, according to court documents, he said, "I hope you realize, there's a target on your back now. There are many people out there who want you dead. … Kill the —-ing senator. I'll donate the lead." In another, he describes himself as "a senior citizen on Social Security and Medicare" and says, "I want to thank you so much, very, very much, for signing my death warrant."

First they came for the crazy old guys who threaten to murder U.S. Senators, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a crazy old guy who threatens to murder U.S. Senators… Or something like that.

Tags: Barack Obama, Charles Alan Wilson, Health Care, Patty Murray, Senate, Tea Party, Washington