The Top 15 Quotes From The Daily Show and The Colbert Report's Live Election Night Specials

Anything can happen on live TV, and Jon and Stephen's Midterm Teapartyganza was no different. Who will ever forget Aasif Mandvi's nude report from Washington D.C.? Or John Oliver and Jason Jones repeatedly shouting "f**k the FCC" while suspended from that ceiling fan? Or Samantha Bee straight up murdering that dude?

None of that happened, of course, but what did happen were the following quotes about last night's Democratic mega-massacre. You should read them until your brain explodes from being amused.

"John Boehner will be the new Speaker of the House. It is the highest elected office ever to be reached by an Orange-American." – Olivia Munn

14 more quotes after the jump…

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Tags: Aasif Mandvi, Alaska, David Vitter, Jason Jones, Joe Manchin, John Boehner, John Oliver, Jon Stewart, Kentucky, Midterms, Nancy Grace, Olivia Munn, Rand Paul, Russ Feingold, Samantha Bee, Senate, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, West Virginia

Rep. Joe Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy Wins in West Virginia

This Democratic senatorial candidate — whom the DSM-IV has referred to as Factitious Disorder in which one purposefully injures another person (most often a child or family member) so as to gain sympathy and attention — appears to have beat out his Republican opponent in West Virginia.

As such, the Democrats will hold onto the seat previously held by the late Sen. Robert Avian Influenza.

Tags: Joe Manchin, Liveblog, Midterms, Robert Byrd, Senate, West Virginia

With Democrats Like These . . .

…who needs an increasingly-likely Republican takeover of the Senate?

Forget it, Jake. It's West Virginiatown.

(via Andrew Sullivan)

Tags: Democrats, Energy & Oil, Health Care, Joe Manchin, Senate, West Virginia

ScandalGate: West Virginian Political Ad Uses Actors Pretending to Be Real People

Hoe Lee Sheet! This is the most hugestest political scandal since Nixon spent all that money to build that gate made out of water.

West Virginian Republican senatorial candidate John Raese recently released an ad which features several men dressed in working class clothes having what appears to be a very candid and very not-scripted-sounding talking-point-laden conversation about his opponent Gov. Joe Manchin. But get this… These supposed West Virginian men are… ACTORS!!!

A Republican ad that shows a couple of regular-looking guys commiserating in a diner about West Virginia Gov. Joe Manchin (D) turns out to have been shot with actors, from a script, in Philadelphia.

Never before, in the history of television political advertising, has anybody stooped so low as to pay people money to pretend to have opinions that they may or may not actually hold! The implications of these are legion! What if our politicians started to behave like that themselves?

But that's not the worst part. Oh no! It gets much much worse…

But not just any actors: "We are going for a 'Hicky' Blue Collar look," read the casting call for the ad, being aired by the National Republican Senatorial Committee. "These characters are from West Virginia so think coal miner/trucker looks."

"Clothing Suggestions" included jeans, work boots, flannel shirt, denim shirt, "Dickie’s type jacket with t-shirt underneath," down-filled vest, "John Deer [sic] hats (not brand new, preferably beat up),” "trucker hats (not brand new, preferably beat up)."

Jesus Christ! West Virginia's vast population of billionaires and blue blood heirs of royalty must be spit-taking osetra caviar and crème fraiche all over their brand new early-blue-period Picassos! This is slanderous!

In a statement Thursday morning, Manchin said: "John Raese and his special interest friends have insulted the people of West Virginia and need to immediately apologize. Not only have they been spending millions to try and buy this election with lies and distortions, we can now see once and for all what he and his friends really think of West Virginia and our people."

How dare John Raese take the time out of his busy campaign to personally write the casting call and costume suggestions for a 30-second campaign ad and then not portray them as the Austrian archdukes and Romanian viscounts who so overwhelmingly populate the state?

Tags: Joe Manchin, Scandalgate, Senate, Television, West Virginia

Republican Senators Fall Short in Noble Quest to Keep American Children Hungry

It was a valiant effort on Senate Republicans' account, but their mission to keep unemployed Americans from being able to put food on their families was dashed this afternoon against the jagged rocks of the unusually non-feckless Democratic majority…

The Senate approved a bill extending unemployment benefits averaging $309 a week for millions of people stuck on jobless rolls.

The 60-40 vote came moments after Carte Goodwin, a successor to West Virginia Democrat Robert Byrd, was sworn in. Goodwin was the crucial 60th senator to defeat a Republican filibuster that has led to a lapse in benefits for 2.5 million people…

About 2.5 million people will receive jobless benefits retroactively. Instead of being dropped from a federal program that extends benefits for those whose six months of state-paid benefits have run out, millions of others will continue to receive payments.

I hope the Republican senators don't get too down on themselves. I'm sure that the several weeks their filibuster kept millions of citizens from receiving benefits caused an unimaginable amount of misery. And that's what really counts in the end, isn't it?

Tags: Money, Republicans, Robert Byrd, Senate, Unemployment, West Virginia