EEEEEEUUUUUUWWWWWW. South Carolina creepster-blogger Will Folks has posted a narsty (yes, it's so nasty it gets an extra consonant) excerpt from what he claims is an accurate account of his alleged affair with South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley. Either this guy is a total delusional freakazoid or he's the king of TMI. Either way, the makeout scene is totally vom-worthy.
If you're a fan of barfing, enjoy this nibblet…
Nikki and I kissed even harder and heavier than we had before (away from the lights of the Vista, we weren’t worried about people seeing us here), and at one point I slid my hands under her turtleneck and felt her breasts over the black bra she was wearing. [...]
Nikki told me that night that she had never been unfaithful to her husband — and that up until that evening she had never so much as kissed another man before.
Grossy-gross! We would attempt to cleanse your palate with an excerpt from some ladyblogger's account of her steamy affair with NJ Governor Chris Christie or something, but no one has come forward with that particular tale.
Tags: Chris Christie, New Jersey, Nikki Haley, Sex, South Carolina, Will Folks
South Carolina's Casual Racism and Wanton Sex Comes Through in the Clutch to Save Jon from Helen Thomas
I remember one time back a few years ago, when my life wasn't going quite as well as it is now, I was unemployed, drinking a lot, unable to muster the energy to pull myself out of a spiral of self-destruction. And one day, there was a knock on my door. It was South Carolina. It put its arm around me and told me that the Jews have a controlling interest in all the circus animals and that I could look it up online if I didn't believe it. Then, after tell me I was blind if I couldn't see the implications, two of its Baptist preachers touched each other's taints. That was all I needed. I wrote up my resume that very day and two months later, I had a job as Dean of the local university (a job which I later lost after it was revealed that I still didn't have a college degree).
Anyway, I'll never forget that. And now South Carolina's back to lend another helping hand in our country's time of need…
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Tags: Andre Bauer, Barack Obama, Helen Thomas, India, Israel, Jewish, Jon Stewart, LGBT, Mark Sanford, Palestine, Primaries, Racism, Sex, South Carolina, Tea Party, The Daily Show, White House, Will Folks