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  • Justification for Iraq War Provided by Guy Who Knows Really Good Way to Airport

    Good news for anyone who was afraid that the United States and the United Kingdom entered into the war in Iraq based upon intelligence from a source that was somewhat less than sound.

    Turns out we learned everything we needed to know from some cab driver guy

    An Iraqi taxi driver may have been the source of the discredited claim that Saddam Hussein could unleash weapons of mass destruction within 45 minutes, a Tory MP claimed today.

    Adam Holloway, a defence specialist, said MI6 obtained information indirectly from a taxi driver who had overheard two Iraqi military commanders talking about Saddam's weapons.

    The 45-minute claim was a key feature of the dossier about Iraq's weapons of mass destruction that was released by Tony Blair in September 2002. Blair published the information to bolster public support for war.

    Man, cab drivers really are just so full of information. Like, the one I had the other night, he knew everything that was going to happen to my soul after I die unless I renounce my evil iPod-listening-to ways. You'd be surpised at how detailed his information was.

    Is there anything we can't learn from these wise men who drive amongst us?

    (via Glenn Greenwald, who has more)

    Tags: Iraq, Saddam Hussein, United Kingdom, WMDs
  • What's the Real Reason That the CIA Is Assassinating All Our Kings of Pop?

    Why is my tax money going toward government organizations shooting death rays from outer space at aging pop musicians? This is like the Carter administration all over again.

    FSB sources are reporting to President Medvedev today that American pop icon Michael Jackson was "most assuredly" assassinated by the US Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) after an examination of data transmitted by a Russian Military's Kosmos 2450 satellite show "conclusively" that immediately prior to the music stars death in Los Angeles an electromagnetic pulse consistent in pattern to EMR weapons looted from the former Soviet Union by the United States was employed at the "exact coordinates" of the rock stars home.

    Hmmm… That seems slightly implausible. But I'm going to give these unnamed Russian sources the benefit of the doubt, because I've never been burnt by unnamed Russian sources before.

    Obviously, the CIA has, like, a million billion reasons to use top secret stolen Soviet satellite weapons technology to assassinate the guy who sang "Smooth Criminal." The only real problem is narrowing them down to one…

    Read More »

    Tags: CIA, Michael Jackson, Russia, WMDs
  • Countdown to Electiony: 94 Days

    On August 9, 1945, the U.S. B-29 bomber Bockscar dropped an explosive device code-named Fat Man over the Japanese city of Nagasaki, and once it descended to an altitude of approximately 1,800 feet, it was detonated, producing an explosion equal to 21 kilotons of TNT, killing 39,000 people, injuring 25,000 more, and completely demolishing the sea port city. (Thousands more would die in the coming weeks as radiation poisoning showed its effects on the unfortunate Japanese citizens.)

    Man, talk about a great day in American history!

    At the core of the Fat Man bomb was a small sphere of a rare radioactive, metallic chemical element called plutonium. When explosions within the bomb squashed the small sphere to supercritical density, the plutonium produced a nuclear reaction.

    If you could look very, very closely at a plutonium atom, you would see 94 electrons orbiting its nucleus, giving this incredibly patriotic war hero element the atomic number 94.

    Now, if we can just keep this shit away from the Iranians, the North Koreans, al Qaeda, non-affiliated terrorists, crazy people, nihilists, supervillains and anyone smart enough to download instructions for creating WMDs on the internet.

    Go back to Day 95.

    Tags: al Qaeda, Election Countdown, Iran, Japan, North Korea, WMDs