Quote Unquote: Palin Oh-Twelve

CNN's Jack Cafferty makes a promise to Wolf Blitzer…

"If Sarah Palin is the next president, Wolf, I will eat this building I'm talking to you from one brick at a time."

I think it'd be a lot easier to just eat a cyanide pill.

Tags: CNN, Jack Cafferty, Quote Unquote, Sarah Palin, Wolf Blitzer

Wyclef Jean Officially Announces He's Being Kidnapped by Haitian Youths and Forced to Serve as President

Won't somebody please save Wyclef Jean?! Can we send in the Marines to protect this political prisoner? He clearly has no desire to run for President of Haiti, but he's "being drafted" by "the youth" of the country, which — as he tells Wolf Blitzer seventeen times — is more than 50 percent of the population somehow…

"I don't even say I'm trying to be President. I'm being drafted by the youth of Haiti."

Man, that is a tough culture they have down there. You'd think that a high-profile adult American citizen living in his million dollar home in New Jersey would be safe from a kids on an impoverished Caribbean island. Do you think maybe they're summoning him with The Voodoo?

Oh, and I think I found the perfect campaign poster for soon-to-kidnapped-President Wyclef's presidential run. Sums up my feelings exactly.

Tags: CNN, Haiti, Music, Wolf Blitzer, Wyclef Jean

The Onion: Girl Raised from Birth by Wolf Blitzer Taken into Protective Custody

The Onion News Network's morning show Today Now! has a truly heartbreaking and inspirational story…

Tags: CNN, The Onion, Wolf Blitzer

Jon Stewart on the Bipartisan Health Care Summit

Yesterday's big bipartisan health care summit is all anyone is talking about, and obviously not everyone is in agreement about it. Some thought it was a very strong summit that solved a lot of problems, others thought the entire summit should be scrapped and a whole new summit created in its place. Then of course, there are those who wanted voters to have a chance to speak at the summit, the so-called "public option." Fortunately, there's talk of a bipartisan summit to debate all of these points.

Coverage of the summit continues below, including a via-satellite interview with Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC).

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

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Tags: Barack Obama, Bipartisanship, CNN, Dick Morris, Eric Cantor, Fox, Health Care, House of Representatives, James Clyburn, John McCain, John Oliver, Jon Stewart, Mitch McConnell, Senate, The Daily Show, Tom Coburn, Video, Wolf Blitzer

Chris Matthews Is One Scotch Away from Being Ron Burgundy

Last night's Daily Show was devoted entirely to the State of the Union, including the GOP response and the media coverage. And if you saw the SOTU, you know it was a much-needed reminder in these difficult times, that despite our many differences, we Americans have in us the ability to unite behind the common goal of laughing at the boobs in Washington and the boners on cable news. Just as the founders intended.

The Daily Show's coverage of the SOTU continues below. And you can see The Colbert Report's take here.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

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Tags: Barack Obama, Bob McDonnell, Chris Matthews, CNN, Fox, John King, Jon Stewart, MSNBC, State of the Union, The Daily Show, Video, Wolf Blitzer, Wyatt Cenac