The Onion: Terry Jones — Could Have at Least Manned Up and Burned One Koran

Pastor Terry Jones — who I'm pretty sure is not the guy who was in Monty Python but then, what with ?all the quantum physics around these days, again maybe he was, hey, wouldn't it be crazy if he was the same guy, huh? — has made The Onion's list of People Who Mattered in 2010…

With the gaze of the whole world fixed on his small Gainesville, FL–based Dove World Outreach Center this Sept. 11, Pastor Terry Jones shocked an anxious media by calling off his threat to burn 200 copies of the Koran, which is bullshit, really, because the guy should have at least had the balls to torch one measly copy. Right?

If Jones, or anyone, wants to get a few hundred million people all riled up on the anniversary of a major national tragedy by saying he's going to burn a Koran, he'd better step up to the goddamn plate and burn a fucking Koran.

Onion Sportsdome airs Tuesdays at 10:30 pm / 9:30 c on Comedy Central, starting January 11.

Tags: 9/11, Christianity, Islam, Onion Sportsdome, Religion, Terry Jones, The Onion, World Trade Center

The Daily Show Reports on the Beginning of the End of the World (aka That Ground Zero Mosque/Koran-Burning Thing)

Years and years from now, people will look back on this point in time and think: Wait a minute. How are we even thinking about anything since we all died when we all blew ourselves up over that Ground Zero Mosque thing whatever that was all about?

Wyatt Cenac and Aasif Mandvi (otherwise known as Team Jesus and Team Mohammad) join Jon to offer their insight after the jump.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

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Tags: 9/11, Aasif Mandvi, Christianity, Feisal Abdul Rauf, Fox, Islam, Jon Stewart, New York City, Religion, Terry Jones, World Trade Center, Wyatt Cenac

The Onion: Construction Complete on 9/11 Truther Memorial

The Onion reports on a moving monument that is itself quite obviously a government ruse if you look at it from the right angle. Wake up, sheeple!

On a remote patch of Kansas prairie believed to fall outside the range of U.N. spy satellites, construction is finally complete on the long- awaited 9/11 Truther Memorial, sources confirmed Wednesday…

"It was a long time coming, but at last it's here," said Don Gustaf, a blogger who drove from Cincinnati to see the site. "This will stand forever in tribute to those who lost their lives the day clandestine CIA operatives used advanced wireless technology to electronically hijack a pair of 767s and remotely fly them into the World Trade Center."

Created by a design team who chose to remain anonymous for fear of reprisals from the Bilderberg Group, the memorial has as its centerpiece the "Truth Towers," a 60-foot-tall replica of the World Trade Center that houses a museum devoted to unanswered questions surrounding the attacks. Below it lies a pentagonal reflecting pool from which emerge 18 steps leading to the base of the monument, with each stair intended to symbolize one of the 18 Great Lies of the 9/11 conspiracy.

If you've read this far, you already know too much. It's over for you, man. I'm sorry, it's over.

Tags: 9/11, The Onion, Truthers, World Trade Center

Starting the Healing at Ground Zero

If there only some place near Ground Zero to go and pray on how wrong it for those Muslims to build their religiously divisive community center. Oh, hey, what's this?

I know what you're thinking. This is probably some kind of a right wing attempt to stir up shit and keep people angry. But nothing could be further from the truth. This is a project by LivePrayer.com, an "online church."

And, hey, look. They even have a special page dedicated to President Obama.

(via Reddit)

Tags: 9/11, Christianity, Islam, New York City, Religion, World Trade Center

New Commercial Trying to Pretend Like Muslim-Americans Are Americans, Too

The nine-year anniversary of 9/11 is right around the corner. Have you gotten your 9/11 shopping done? Better hop to it, because the lines at those tchotchke bodegas around Ground Zero are gonna be crazy long on the 10th.

Anyway, as the big day approaches, we're gonna see more and more people on the TV recounting their memories from that day. Like, for example, this guy…

.

Wait, what?! He's a Muslim?! That bastard! He spent that whole commercial tricking me into feeling empathy for him, to relate to him on a human emotional level as though he were a fellow American whose rights and feelings are worthy of consideration, and then it turns out he's just a Muslim?!

I think that's very disrespectful. I'm sorry, I know we have the First Amendment and all and it gives everybody the right to free speech, but I just think it's downright insensitive of those Muslims to go around talking about their experiences 9/11. Especially so close to the nine-year anniversary. Some things are just sacred.

Tags: 9/11, Council on American-Islamic Relations, Islam, New York City, Religion, World Trade Center