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WorldNetDaily
  • Blogging Tips for Rick Santorum

    Just when you thought the marketplace for online opinion journalism couldn't get more competitive, Rick Santorum is joining WordNetDaily, the Internet home for birthers and black helicopter conspiracies, as an "exclusive columnist" (read: blogger no one else would hire). His "commentaries" (blog posts) will be published each Monday.

    In the spirit of friendly competition, here are some tips for my fellow-blogger Rick.

    1. It's all about the search engine optimization. You should know this, as your entire presidential run was an SEO campaign aimed at dealing with a certain Google problem. So write more exciting headlines!

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    Tags: Internet, Rick Santorum, WorldNetDaily
  • Tea Party Officially Boycotting Reality

    Medical science is still unclear on whether it's possible to overdose from schadenfreude and liberal smugness, so supporters of Barack Obama should think carefully before reading about the latest Tea Party hope for electing Mitt Romney.

    Obamacare does not cover the artery-splitting joy produced at the sight of people who think Romney still has a shot at this thing

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    Tags: Electoral College, Idaho, Tea Party, WorldNetDaily
  • President Obama's Scary Ghost Donation Story

    Gather around, children. It may be the day after Halloween, but the truly scary day is still creeping up toward us in less than a week, so I — Barack Obama, the President of the United States — am going to tell you a true terrifying tale of terroristic proportions that will chill you to the very bone.

    It's about an evil man who did an unthinkably evil deed, and so I killed him with my bare hands. Now, he haunts my dreams by illegally contributing to my reelection campaign

    Using a Pakistani Internet Protocol and proxy server, a disposable credit card and a fake address, "Osama bin Laden" has successfully donated twice to Barack Obama’s presidential re-election campaign.

    The "Bin Laden" donations, actually made by [WorldNetDaily] staff, included a listed occupation of "deceased terror chief" and a stated employer of "al-Qaida."

    Wait a minute. It's not a ghost? But the address given for the donation was: 911 Jihad Way, Abbottabad, CA — oh, OK. I get it now. It's just some conservatives trying to prove my campaign website's verification system needs to be strengthened. Thank goodness. I was really worried there for a moment. What's that you say? Accepting donations from foreign nationals is illegal and I have to give the money back? That's the scariest thing I've ever heard!

    You may have frightened me into refuting your claims, WorldNetDaily, but here comes the twist in this horror story. It's also against the law to make a contribution in another person's name?

    MUUUUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

    Photo by Win McNamee/Staff/Getty Images

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    Tags: Barack Obama, Osama bin Laden, Republicans, WorldNetDaily
  • The Black Helicopters Are Coming for Paul Ryan's Abs

    From last week's positive jobs report to today's Labor Department release announcing that initial claims for unemployment benefits decline to 339,000 — the lowest level since early 2008 — the economy has shown steady signs of improvement. This week's op-ed pages provide an explanation. Our consumer spending is now driven entirely by conservatives buying 1) conspiracy theories, 2) glamour shots of Paul Ryan.

    For proof, consider the three best opinion pieces published this week…

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    Tags: Dick Morris, Jack Welch, Media, Wall Street Journal, WorldNetDaily
  • Jay Carney Fails Pop Quiz on Capital of Israel

    Pop quiz time for White House Press Secretary Jay Carney!

    Reporter: What city does this Administration consider to be the capital of Israel? Jerusalem or Tel Aviv?

    Jay Carney: Um… I haven't had that question in a while. Our position has not changed. Can we, uh…

    Reporter: What is the capital [of Israel]?

    Jay Carney: You know our position.

    Reporter: I don't.

    World Net Daily's Lester Kinsolving: No, no. She doesn't know, that's why she asked.

    Carney: She does know.

    Reporter: I don't.

    Kinsolving: She does not know. She just said that she does not know. I don't know.

    For chrissake, does nobody have a cell phone on them anymore?! Come on, guys. Get your shit together. You're reporters. Do a little research. This is, like, a really easy question to solve. What did they teach you in journalism school? You just type "capital of Israel" into Google and…

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    Tags: Israel, Jay Carney, White House, WorldNetDaily