RETIRING
Rep. Sue Myrick (R-NC)
Age: 71
Best known for: Speaking out against Muslims who have infiltrated American government so stealthily, no one can see them except her; nearly out-crazying Michele Bachmann.
What the future holds: Bigger flag pins.

^{Official House of Representatives photo/Wikimedia Commons}

Sen. Jon Kyl (R-AZ)
Age: 70
Best known for: His finely-honed comedy act, which experts agree peaked when he declared that abortions are "over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does," then had a spokesman clarify that this "was not intended to be a factual statement."
What the future holds: Asking if John McCain wants to hang out.

^{Photo by William B. Plowman/NBC NewsWire - Contributor/NBCUniversal/Getty Images}

Sen. Ben Nelson (D-NE)
Age: 71
Best known for: Supporting the Bush tax cuts; signing Grover Norquist's anti-tax pledge; opposing stem cell research funding; somehow still having a (D) after his name.
What the future holds: Looking at corn.

^{Photo by Bill Clark - Contributor/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images}

Sen. Olympia Snowe (R-ME)
Age: 65
Best known for: Acting like a RINO by caring about the environment and so forth.
What the future holds: Caring about the environment and so forth.

^{Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images}

Rep. Edolphus Towns (D-NY)
Age: 78
Best known for: Having an awesome name; his work on behalf of Brooklyn, including the restoration of Prospect Park, for which we assume there is an ironic tribute in the works.
What the future holds: Finally seeing Mamma Mia!

^{Photo by Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg - Contributor/Getty Images}

Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC)
Age: 61
Best known for: Arguing that single mothers and gay people are not fit to be teachers; insanity.
What the future holds: Presiding over the Heritage Foundation. So nothing new, really.

^{Photo by Tom Williams - Contributor/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images}

Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA)
Age: 72
Best known for: Working to make affordable mortgages available during the housing crisis; consumer advocacy and protection; gayness; communism.
What the future holds: Pahking his cah wherever the Tea Party isn't.

^{Photo by Jay Mallin/Bloomberg - Contributor/Getty Images}

DEFEATED:
Sen. Richard Lugar (R-IN)
Age: 80
Best known for: Mixing conservative principles with moderate approaches to issues such as gun control and immigration; losing because of that.
What the future holds: Side-part modeling.

^{Photo by Bill Clark - Contributor/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images}

Rep. Ben Quayle (R-AZ)
Age: 36
Best known for: His weird dad; earning National Journal's "Most Conservative Member of the House of Representatives" title in only one term; having nothing to achieve beyond that, losing deliberately.
What the future holds: Gangliness.

^{Photo by Bill Clark - Contributor/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images}

Rep. Allen West (R-FL)
Age: 51
Best known for: Calling himself a "modern-day Harriet Tubman"; staunch refusal to look up who Harriet Tubman is; finally conceding defeat in Florida.
What the future holds: More campaigns, if we're lucky.

^{Photo by Tom Williams - Contributor/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images}

Rep. Mary Bono Mack (R-CA)
Age: 51
Best known for: Marrying Sonny Bono; voting to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell and to ban adoption by same-sex parents; somehow mentally reconciling those things.
What the future holds: The beach, probably.

^{Photo by Bill Clark - Contributor/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images}

Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO)
Age: 65
Best known for: Home-schooling his children, an unconventional choice widely credited with costing him his 2012 Senate campaign.
What the future holds: Building a time machine that can finally get us back to 1952.

^{Photo by Whitney Curtis - Stringer/Getty Images News/Getty Images}

Rep. Connie Mack IV (R-FL)
Age: 45
Best known for: Bigness; handsomeness; opposing federal funding for things that aren't highways in his state.
What the future holds: Contestant on The Bachelor, maybe? He's got to be on camera, is our point.

^{Photo by Vallery Jean - Contributor/FilmMagic/Getty Images}