Here we are. One hundred days after yes we did and we're still yes we doing things. President Barack Obama is about to speak to the nation, filling us with the hopey goodness we've all been starving for in this increasingly trying times. In case you are one of those people who don't own a TV (i.e. liars), the speech will be streaming live here. Watch it with me!
9:14 – Wow that was a fun educational historic ENCHANTING night. Thank you so much for spending it with me. Oh, just for those of watching CNN, Obama just got a B+ on his speech. I guess his parents aren't talking him out to ice cream this week. If he doesn't watch it he is not going to get to keep that puppy. Good night!
9:12 – Bradley Dawson said in the comments, "[Obama] also does 'mkay like the school counselor on South Park. I'm just Sayin' does he have to do those pauses that way? Look it, I'm a supporter, a left of left. But it is just annoying, but funny too."
9:05 – A few minutes ago, I didn't think things could get more boring than that Q&A. CNN is proving me wrong.
9:02 – I give CNN's grading system an F, for fucking dumb.
9:00 – Obama kind of just up and quit the Q&A. He was speaking one second and the next he was like, bye, gonna watch Lie To Me on my DVR.
8:59 – Andrew Sullivan just said, "I'm beginning to regret watching this terribly dull and unnecessary pseudo-event." My internet was kind of wonky for a minute there. I think this speech made it fall asleep.
8:58 – Just because the Japanese could build a hybrid doesn't mean we can to. We still haven't figured out how to build an Astroboy.
8:53 – Talking Points Memo said, "How many Hundred Dayses are there in a presidency?" We just did the math; 4×365/ 100 = 14.6. You're welcome.
8:50 – Obama's real moment of feeling enchanted during his presidency was catching this on cable.
8:47 – Wonkette's liveblog just said, "'Enchanted.' Everyone is laughing because of how gay that is." And he talked about the military for that part. Is he planning to abolish don't ask, don't tell?
8:45 - John McCain really loves being mentioned in this speech. It basically makes up for that whole not being president thing.
8:41 – Darcy just said, "Enchanted? Being president is like being a Disney princess."
8:37 – So we just went from an abortion question to the softest of soft balls ever lobbed in the history of soft balls. "How has the presidency been great for you?"
8:35 – Obama doesn't have crystal balls. He has balls of flesh and whatever else balls are made of (semen?).
8:34 – Translation: "They picked me, bitches. Get over it and stop being big babies."
8:31 - Obama reaching out to his republican friends has been genuine. The fact that he has republican friends, not as genuine.
8:30 – Arlen Specter's party affiliation isn't the only thing that's huge about him. I'm not talking about his penis. I'm talking about his opportunism. It's huuuuuge.
8:27 - Lifetime Channel is having a Golden Girls marathon. Just thought I'd let the world know.
8:24 – Chuck Todd is moving to Pakistan? Okay, see ya later!
8:23 – Lets discuss how putting a human being on a board, tying them down, and POURING WATER ON THEIR FACE SO THEY ALMOST DROWN is torture for a few more minutes. Please reporters, keep asking this question because this isn't obviously completely and totally torture.
8:20 – Darcy just said, "aw, snap! he pwned churchill!"
8:17 – Wow, he's making up for a short speech with really long answers. Just because its the 100 day speech doesn't mean it has to last 100 days.
8:14 – Obama wants to get the US out of the auto industry as soon as possible. Is he plugging a future going out of business sale?
8:12 – CNN just asked, "should we close our border with Mexico?" in their bottom thirds text. Yeah, we'll get right on that right after we stop getting cheap lead toys from China.
8:10 – According to Obama, I should treat swine flu like I treat other flu outbreaks. Okay, so I should call in sick to work and then go see 17 Again. Got it.
8:08 - He had 100 days to write this. What was he doing? Trying to president?
8:07 – Was that it? That was his big 100 days celebration speech? He didn't say hope or change once.
8:06 – We haven't built our economy on a pile of sand. We built it on a pile of invisible, imaginary sand. Real sand is much too valuable and tangible. Get it right, Obama!
8:03 - Called it! Knew he was gonna talk about swine flu. It's nice to see an established performer opening with some new material.
8:00 – It's starting now! I hope he talks about swine flu, because I haven't heard enough on that yet.
7:55 – Watching cable news waiting for the speech, my mind began to wander thinking about the complicated subject of torture. I don't mean waterboarding. I mean watching cable news.
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Of all the fabricated benchmarks created to judge President Obama, the first 100 days is one of the most excitingly noteworthy and easily digestible.
