We know that November 3, 2009 isn't a real Election Day. But still, we can all pretend. Right? Take a look at these six elections and let us know how much you care.
The opinions expressed on this blog are the personal opinions of our bloggers, and in no way reflect the opinions of Comedy Central, MTV Networks or Viacom.
Warning
Some blogs or websites linked from this site may contain objectionable or uncensored content. Comedy Central is not affiliated with these websites and makes no representations or warranties as to their content.
Friends and associates are encouraging Fox News chief Roger Ailes to jump into the political arena for real by running for president in 2012, top sources tell POLITICO.
"Ailes knows how to frame an issue better than anybody, and that's what we need now," says one Ailes friend who is encouraging the Fox founder, chairman and CEO to seek the Republican nomination to run against President Barack Obama…
Frank Luntz, the well-known Republican pollster, said Ailes could be a force if he makes the run. "I have known Roger Ailes for 29 years," says Luntz. "No one knows how to win better than Roger."
Really, "friends and associates"? That's your big idea? Just get the boss to go be president. He'll make things all better everywhere and restore America's fortunes to how they were in its glory days never ago. Why, just look at the bang-up job he's done at changing reality over at Fox!
What do you even say about a thing like that? It's absurdly delusional to the point of (almost) being parody. But it really shows you how frightened and confounded and bereft of ideas the right wing mind is these days.
You just keep thinking, Republican Party. That's what you're good at.
Considering yesterday and today's not-at-all-absurd news cycle — not to mention the GOP's continuing quest for flashy candidates that will appeal to the mythical young and hip conservative movement (sorry Ms. Palin, but you're yesterday's news) — I think we might have a brand new front-running team for 2012…
The only real hurdle I see so far is Balloon Boy's propensity for vomiting in the face of tough questions. Still, he handles the pressure with more grace than Sarah Palin.
And, for what it's worth, I hear that Meghan McCain's boobs have a much better grasp of economics than their owner's father.
If you don't check Mitt Romney's "Free and Strong America" website on the regular, I can only assume it's because you're the kind of jerk who prefers an Enslaved and Wimpy America. But just in case you missed it, here's Mitt's hot new video about cap-and-trade legislation (no embed code, uncool, man).
See, according to Mitt, a cap-and-trade system "could cost the average American family $1,761 a year, the equivalent of a 15% income tax hike." Fine, except a) that's not true and b) if you are Mitt Romney, $1,761 is more like the equivalent of a 0.0000015% income tax hike.
Anyway, enjoy watching your 2012 GOP frontrunner as he talks about math and tries to remember to blink in a human-like fashion, and when you're done, how about making a "generous contribution"? Any amount welcome, from $25 to $1,000 to $5,000, maybe with an emphasis on the higher end there.
Just remember: a $5,000 donation to Mitt Romney is the equivalent of a 42.58% income tax hike.
Look who's sniffing at the hindquarters of 2012: Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty, or "TPaw," which is what he calls himself when he slips into his badass presidential candidate alter ego.
He equated abortion with murder, noted that the Earth is cooling, not warming, and said Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke and the Treasury secretaries in the Bush and Obama administrations were "misguided" at best in declaring certain financial and manufacturing organizations too big to be allowed to fail.
Dang, this fella Pawlenty, he's some smart. How could the Earth be warming if I had to dig out my sweaters just the other day? But I'm still not convinced that he's the one guy I want to wave cardboard signs for…
In the telephone interview, the 48-year-old, hockey-playing Republican also repeated the standard early denials of presidential aspirations.
Ding ding ding ding!
You know, they say, the difference between a hockey-playing Republican and a pitbull?
John McCain's former chief campaign strategist Steve Schmidt — the man who supposedly accused Sarah Palin of doing the words in the title to your right — did some "rogueing" of his own today, telling a Washington, D.C. conference exactly what he thinks about the esteemed author's prospects in 2012…
"I think that she has talents, but my honest view is that she would not be a winning candidate for the Republican Party in 2012, and in fact, were she to be the nominee, we would have a catastrophic election result."
Now hold your horses, Palinphiles, Steve Schmidt didn't say your gal couldn't get elected in 2012. He just said she would not be a winning candidatefor the Republican Party. So what? George W. Bush helped make 'GOP' a synonym for 'incompetent losers,' and we elected him twice.
Besides, if Sarah Palin is the Republican nominee and we wind up with a "catastrophic election result," I'm pretty sure that means she's moving into the White House.
So, this just went up on Politics Daily. Please take a moment to respond, because this very poll will be a crucial tool for Sarah Palin's exploratory committee. What I'm saying is, the fate of the free world is completely in your hands. Don't choke…
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Ha!
RSS
If you don't check Mitt Romney's "Free and Strong America" 
Look who's sniffing at the hindquarters of 2012: Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty, or "
John McCain's former chief campaign strategist Steve Schmidt — the man who supposedly accused Sarah Palin of doing the words in the title to your right — did some "rogueing" of his own today, telling a Washington, D.C. conference exactly what he thinks about the esteemed author's 
