Indecision Forever » 4th of July

Stephen Colbert's Megamerican Tribute to America

Matt Tobey — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 14:36:16 +0000

Fourth of July weekend is now over, and this year's fireworks mishaps are but a distant memory. But just because your thumbs have been reattached and you've been discharged from the ICU doesn't mean the patriotic fun has to end just yet. Let's keep the party going with this collection of The Colbert Report's best America moments.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Happy Geraldo Rivera's Birthday (Oh, and Fourth of July, Too)

Dennis DiClaudio — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 14:00:57 +0000

As I'm sure all of you are well aware, July 4th is a special day, not only because it marks the anniversary of our Founding Fathers completing their work on amending the Bible (or something).

It's also special because it's the birthday of two of the greatest Americans ever: Fox News personality Geraldo Rivera and sign-language-speaking gorilla Koko, the Sign-Language-Speaking Gorilla. (Both are known for their near-human-like intelligence and feces-flinging acumen.)

Please enjoy celebrating all these wondrous things this weekend. And try not to vomit directly into the potato salad. It's bad etiquette.

Amen.

Iran Is No Longer on the Fourth of July List

Dennis DiClaudio — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 22:07:00 +0000

Apparently, these days, fixing an election and causing huge public outcries against injustice will get you dis-invited from Independence Day picnic.

Politics sure has changed.

Iran Coming Over for 4th of July This Year

Dennis DiClaudio — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 14:40:51 +0000

Hey guys, just so you know, it looks like The Islamic Republic of Iran is coming over for our big Fourth of July BBQ this year…

Last Friday, the State Department sent a cable to its embassies and consulates around the world notifying them that "they may invite representatives from the government of Iran" to their Independence Day celebrations — annual receptions that typically feature hot dogs, red-white-and-blue bunting and some perfunctory remarks about the founding fathers…

"It is another way of saying we are not putting barriers in the way of communicating," said one administration official. "It is another way of signaling that there is an opportunity that should not be wasted."

Ugh!

Don't get me wrong; I'm sure Iran is nice and cool and all or whatever. But I just know that I'm gonna be the one stuck talking to it all day, trying to pretend like I'm buying it when it brags that it has no homosexual citizens… Restraining myself from outright heated argument when it starts talking smack on the Jews… Looking at, like, a million pictures of its Ayatollah…

And I don't care how much it tries to persuade me, I am not going to help it throw potato salad at Israel. No way!