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Reporting from Wichita, Kan. – In a trial that never became the referendum on abortion that some abortion foes wanted, Scott Roeder, a 51-year-old airport shuttle driver, was convicted today of murdering George Tiller, one the nation's few physicians who performed late-term abortions.
The jury of seven men and five women deliberated for only 37 minutes. Roeder faces life in prison after being convicted of first-degree murder.
Only 37 minutes? I think that's a typo. That sentence should probably read "The jury of seven men and five women deliberated for a whole 37 minutes, which seems like way way too much time." That makes more sense.
Don't get me wrong, unlike Liz Cheney, I believe that people accused of crimes have rights and should not just be thrown into jail like this is medieval Europe or some shit. But, c'mon, 37 minutes seems like an excessive amount of time for this decision.
What probably happened is that they deliberated for 7 minutes and then watched an episode of 30 Rock, because that show has been really killing it lately. Do you think Jack and Nancy will ever get together for real? I really want to, but I don't. But, who knows, maybe I'm wrong.
Anyway, Scott Roeder. Looks like that guy's gonna rot in jail. Good.
While not all of America can agree on the controversial subject of abortion, I think we can all agree on Doritos. Fat bloggers, fat gamers, fat Dungeons and Dragons nerds; all different factions of American life agree Doritos is the easiest food to eat without moving around too much. And now, finally, we know where Doritos stands on the controversial subject of abortion. Personally, I stand with a woman's right to choose to eat Doritos, but I am sympathetic to right-to-lifers stance that fetuses also love Doritos.
Can I just say UCB Comedy really killed it with this video. Killed it like Obama is killing babies, right guys?! (BOOOO! I don't even like that joke!)
This seems eminently reasonable. Although, I'd support making women wait a full year after learning of their pregnancy, to really soak the information in…
So, it's now pretty much officially the end of the year. Not only that, but it's also pretty much officially the end of the decade.
So, not only are people falling over themselves to write Top Ten lists about something or other, but they're falling over the already fallen selves of themselves to write Top Ten lists about something or other. And, let me tell you something. It is Top Ten listy out there. Wow! You cannot throw an Internet rock without hitting a Top Ten list.
So, in keeping with the zeitgeisty spirit of the times, I would humbly like to contribute the following list of Top 10 (At Least Vaguely) Political Top 10* Lists I Found in the Past 10 Minutes. I hope you like it; I put a lot of time into it…
My dream is that this Top 10 list will make it onto somebody's Top 10 list of Top 10 lists of Top 10 lists. Though, I'm sure the competition will be prohibitively stiff.
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* Full disclosure. Not all of the Top 10 lists are Top 10 lists. Some are Top 15 lists or even Unnumbered lists. I am so sorry. So so very sorry.
Couple quick corrections, here. One: Turns out a Stupak-style anti-abortion amendment to the Senate health care bill was non-non-negotiable for Ben Nelson (D-Neb.). In fact, that's what he spent the entire weekend negotiating, which brings us to… Two: Joe Lieberman may not be the mostimportant widdle Senator in Washington after all, though he is still the widdlest.
Ben Nelson wound up being the final holdout, the lone soldier who could've prevented Senate Democrats from getting the 60 votes they needed to proceed with health care reform, and all it took to get him on board for last night'sthis morning's roll call was a promise of free Medicare for Nebraska forever.
[A] woman who receives federal subsidies to help her buy coverage and selects a plan that offers abortion services would have to send two checks to the insurance company. One would be placed in an account reserved specifically for abortion coverage.
Genius. Keeping those reproductive rights-having ladies and their radioactive legal-procedure-paying-for dollars separate from the rest of America via annoying paperwork, that's really the point of this whole thing, isn't it?
Just a warning for Ben Nelson and anyone else traveling to visit relatives this week: You may be forced to drive on highways that were paid for in part by women who have had or may someday have an abortion, and there is absolutely no legislation to prevent that from happening, at least not yet.
"What would have happened if Mother Mary had been covered by Obamacare? What if that young, poor and uninsured teenage woman had been provided the federal funds (via Obamacare) and facilities (via Planned Parenthood, etc.) to avoid the ridicule, ostracizing, persecution and possible stoning because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy?
"Imagine all the great souls who could have been erased from history and the influence of mankind if their parents had been as progressive as Washington's wise men and women! Will Obamacare morph into Herodcare for the unborn?"
I don't know how to make fun of that quote any better than that quote already made fun of itself.
Good news out of Kansas today: Scott Roeder — abortion activist, religious zealot, terrorist, murderer — is going to jail forever just like he should…
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So, it's now pretty much officially the end of the year. Not only that, but it's also pretty much officially the end of the decade.
Chuck Norris truly is 
