We know that November 3, 2009 isn't a real Election Day. But still, we can all pretend. Right? Take a look at these six elections and let us know how much you care.
The opinions expressed on this blog are the personal opinions of our bloggers, and in no way reflect the opinions of Comedy Central, MTV Networks or Viacom.
Warning
Some blogs or websites linked from this site may contain objectionable or uncensored content. Comedy Central is not affiliated with these websites and makes no representations or warranties as to their content.
Did you know that there are a bunch of swarthy people with foreign-sounding names and terrorist-colored skin… hiding in the shadows of their immensely popular Internet sites… plotting to take down the government by… making eagles cry, or something?
And they're sponsored by that guy George Soros — whom, if talk radio hosts know anything (and they clearly know everything), is very, very evil.
This is no laughing matter! Don't believe me? Just watch this terrifying video that some guy made on his laptop for proof!
Holy Jesus! There was even an actual quote from Abraham Lincoln from that one time when he gave that speech warning real Americans about the dangers of certain Internet websites.
Come on, guys. This is serious. Let's all chip in and protect America from the Internet. It's what Abraham Jesus would have wanted.
Paul "The Smartest Man in the Universe" Whitfield has just published something very interesting on Investors' Business Daily (and it only took him a week of intense thought to come up with it)…
In 1754, Lt. Col. George Washington quit the Virginia militia, an obscure fact that now seems a bit more interesting in the wake of Gov. Sarah Palin's resignation in Alaska.
You know, now that I think about it, Benjamin Franklin wore glasses… just like Sarah Palin!
And Abraham Lincoln was known for his penchant for breathing oxygen… just like Sarah Palin. They're practically the same person!
Of all the fabricated benchmarks created to judge President Obama, the first 100 days is one of the most excitingly noteworthy and easily digestible.
Sure, President Obama has downplayed the importance of the event. Senior Advisor David Axelrod even called it a "Hallmark holiday," thereby belittling other Hallmark holidays like Grandparents Day and Administrative Professionals Day.
In honor of the landmark, we decided to celebrate Obama's milestone by over-oversimplifying it further and boiling it down to a nice simple chart comparing President Obama's first 100 days to the accomplishments of history's most famous presidents in such a way that even an idiot could understand…
When The Harris Poll asked a cross-section of adult Americans to say whom they admire enough to call their heroes, President Barack Obama was mentioned most often, followed by Jesus Christ and Martin Luther King.
Wow, that's pretty impressive! He's up there with JC and MLK. President Obama should consider that a real honor.
I mean, it's not like he's also up there with people like the worst president in modern American history, an airplane pilot who's most famous for crashing a plane into a major city's river and an egomaniacal holy woman who built her reputation on the backs of the poor people she was supposedly helping?
Others in the top ten, in descending order, were Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush, Abraham Lincoln, John McCain, John F. Kennedy, Chesley Sullenberger and Mother Teresa.
Oh.
Well, it's still pretty cool to be named, I'm sure.
RSS
Paul "The Smartest Man in the Universe" Whitfield has just published 
Of all the fabricated benchmarks created to judge President Obama, the first 100 days is one of the most excitingly noteworthy and easily digestible.
You know the old saying. You might think you're big, but you ain't all that big until 
Republican President Abraham Lincoln just 
