Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

Quickly: What has copious amounts of hair, the love and affection of a U.S. Senator, and recent heavy coverage in The Washington Post? If you said Roger Clemens' butt, shame on you! The answer is former runway model Laurie Coleman, wife of Senator Norm (R-MN)!

Coleman, who is already being called the Thomas Edison of late June 2008, is the inventor of the gloriously named Blo & Go, which is an apparatus that holds one's hairdryer in place, freeing the hands to style hair and accept illegal gifts from lobbyists. As Mrs. Coleman tells it, the Blo & Go satisfies her need for "something of great quality that was really going to stay up." Jealous, Senator?

But if the Colemans are to sell enough Blo & Go's to get Norm out his dank apartment in a GOP goon's basement, they're going to need to start recording sales with some of Washington's elite politicians. Mrs. Coleman, if you're reading this, here are some public servants that the Pages believe would eagerly purchase a product with the name "Blo & Go":

* Sen. John Edwards (D-NC): Edwards collects hair-care appliances like ex-Rep. "Duke" Cunningham (R-CA) collects jail sentences, and at $29.99 apiece, he can afford 13 Blo & Go's under his current hair budget.

* George W. Bush: A name like "Blo & Go" permits Bush to primp for warmongering news conferences while simultaneously reminiscing on how he spent the 1970's.

* Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-ND). Dorgan sees a highly public purchase of the Blo & Go as his chance to convince constituents that the cheap rug he wears is actually his hair.

* Bill Clinton: The former president may better relate to the product if the word "Go" is replaced with "Discuss the Bosnian Civil War with a Member of Congress."

* Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID). It's fortunate that Coleman doesn't offer refunds, because Craig is going to mistake this product for an airport concierge service.

Slate has a list of a whole bunch of brand new Barack Obama rumors that you'll likely find floating through the Internet soon enough. Here's a few of my favorites…

Barack Obama wears a FLAG PIN at all times. Even in the shower.

Barack Obama says the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE every time he sees an American flag. He also ends every sentence by saying, "WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL."

Barack Obama is a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. His favorite book is the BIBLE, which he has memorized. His name means HE WHO LOVES JESUS in the ancient language of Aramaic. He is PROUD that Jesus was an American.

Barack Obama's skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL.

If the Internet says it, it must be true.

If an alien race landed on this planet and spent a few days paying attention to the way we decide our world leaders, I'm pretty sure atomize us into oblivion just to put us out of our misery. And they'd be justified in doing so.

Here's the big news today: Barack Obama rode a bike, wore a helmet, looked like a dork. Granted, he did ride a bike, he did wear a helmet, and he did look like a dork. All of that is undeniable.

Even Obama himself acknowledges that…

"I knew that the [Associated Press] was going to take a picture, and they were trying to portray it like Dukakis wearing that tank helmet," Obama told donors at a $2,300-a-plate fundraiser in Chicago hosted by F.K Day, the president of World Bicycle Relief.

"But I wanted to make sure that the children who saw that picture knew that even the Democratic nominee for president wears a helmet when he goes biking," he said to hearty applause.

Yes, that's an incredibly important message to send to the kids. Bike-related head injuries must ruin the lives of tens of children a year.

But you know what is responsible for more injuries and ruins more children's lives?

Looking like a dork.

Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and John McCain all addressed the American Israel Public Affairs Committee (aka America's Pro-Israel Lobby), providing Jon Stewart with the perfect fodder for his best Chosen People material:

Now that Barack's taken to wearing flag pins on his lapel, what's the next step in his evolution as a full-time panderer?

Did you notice something weird about Barack Obama's concession speech last night? (I said weird, not interesting. There was nothing interesting about it.) At least a few of our readers and I did.

And so did Gawker…

This mystery is bugging me: Why were the three young guys behind Barack Obama during his concession speech tonight all wearing Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirts? Maybe it's a plot by the Obama campaign to win back the gay community, which has something of a taste for the youth clothing retailer and, especially, its catalogs, but whose vote is basically owned by Hillary Clinton.

Abercrombie & Fitch is a gay brand? How come nobody told me? Maybe that's why I've been having so much gay sex with so many gay men recently.

And I don't even own any Abercrombie & Fitch clothes.

Weird.

So, if you've turned on the internet today, you've probably seen this picture of Barack Obama dressed up in the traditional al Qaeda terrorist garb of his forefathers. Finally. Finally! The proof that we all knew needed to be manufactured.

According to Matt Drudge — who plastered it up on his website this morning — the photo was circulated amongst members of Hillary Clinton's staff along with text that said, "Wouldn't we be seeing this on the cover of every magazine if it were HRC?"

According to Matt Drudge. Which only means that it's effectively true.

Predictably, this very important piece of extremely pertinent news is sweeping through the series of tubes and bubbling up as the hottest political issue of the minute, as it will most likely stay until Hillary trips on a rock or Barack Obama sneezes in the general direction of an American flag bumper sticker.

Team Obama, for their part are handling the matter very graciously…

"This is part of a disturbing pattern that led her county chairs to resign in Iowa, her campaign chairman to resign in New Hampshire, and it's exactly the kind of divisive politics that turns away Americans of all parties and diminishes respect for America in the world."

Oh… Well… The Clinton people, at least, must be taking the high road…

"Enough. If Barack Obama's campaign wants to suggest that a photo of him wearing traditional Somali clothing is divisive, they should be ashamed."

Sigh…