Osama bin Laden, audio tape surfaces, death to America, blah blah blah…

In a tape released Sunday by al-Qaida's media wing [Ed note: al-Qaida's media wing??], terrorist leader Osama bin Laden said President Barack Obama is "powerless" to stop the war in Afghanistan.

Bin Laden's address to the American people comes two days after the eighth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. He typically addresses the United States in a message around the Sept. 11 anniversary.

It's kind of like our anniversary. And here we were thinking he'd forgot.

When Obama became president and retained many of the Bush administration's military leaders, such as Defense Secretary Robert Gates, "reasonable people knew that Obama is a powerless man who will not be able to end the war as he promised," bin Laden said.

"If you end the war, so to it," bin Laden said. "But if it is otherwise, all we will do is continue the war of attrition against you on all possible axes."

Ugh! This guy. I'm sorry; I don't mean to be impolite, but I just have to say it: I really do not care for this Osama bin Laden fellow. Not at all.

I mean, first there's the whole thing with him killing several thousand innocent Americans, which right there makes him pretty much a total jerk. And there's the protracted war in the Middle East, which, I know, was really more the doing of the Bush administration than al-Qaida, but still, bin Laden's being a real d-bag about it.

And now there's this thing with the needling and the yelling names at us from some hiding place in a Pakistani cave or wherever. Not for nothing, but that is just classic douchebag behavior.

Yeah, I don't like him at all. He's pretty much even worse than Taylor Max.

* Sam Harris: Not for nothing, but why do we have a top government scientist who believes in magic?

* DADT to get asked, told in Senate this fall.

* Michael Steele, Eric Cantor BFFs with Orly Taitz, the leader of the birther rebellion on Facebook. (So, BFBFFs?)

* The Onion: Ordinary Americans respond to the death of Osama bin Laden's son.

* Sen. Jim Bunning (R-KY) retiring due to lack of people giving a shit.

* Nancy Pelosi doesn't care if she's unpopular. Good thing.

On last night's Colbert Report, Stephen discussed former VP Dick Cheney's secret assassination squads. I admit, I'm sort of on the fence about this, but at least it helps explain that time Cheney shot his lawyer. Harry Whittington must have had an Al Qaeda operative on his face.

Coverage continues after the jump.

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Hey, crazy people in the world. Here's a lesson for you: If you work hard enough, harass people with whom you disagree persistently enough, allow blind hatred to become the driving force of your life enough, and get at least one of your buddies to murder people enough, then all of your dreams can come true…

The Wichita abortion clinic run by a doctor who was shot and killed will remain closed permanently, his family said on Tuesday.

Dr. George R. Tiller’s clinic was one of the few in the country to provide abortions to women late in their pregnancies, and for decades, women had traveled there from all over the nation and from overseas. It was also the only remaining abortion clinic, even for first trimester abortions, in the Wichita region.

It's so heart-warming to see American fundamentalist terrorist organizations really taking to heart all the things they've learned from their counterparts in the Middle East.

Man, talk about a tough critic! It seems like nothing Barack Obama does is good enough for that Osama bin Laden guy…

Bin Laden claimed U.S. pressure led to a campaign of "killing, fighting, bombing and destruction" that prompted the exodus of a million Muslims from Swat Valley in northwest Pakistan.

The message was broadcast for the first time on pan-Arab Al-Jazeera Television around the same time Obama touched down in Saudi Arabia at the start of a Mideast visit. He is trying repair relations with the Muslim world frayed under the previous Bush administration.

"Elderly people, children and women fled their homes and lived in tents as refugees after they have lived in dignity in their homes," bin Laden said. "Let the American people be ready to reap what the White House leaders have sown," he added.

You know what? That offends me. I'm sorry, but I think that kind of hyper-partisan fundamentalist jihadist talk just crosses the line. I know you guys think I'm too sensitive, but I'm of the opinion that direct threats of mass murder could lead to violence.

Somebody should take that guy off the air.

This has got to be the most delicious-smelling form of enhanced interrogation I've heard of since the infamous bacon rack…

Fascinating piece coming in tomorrow's TIME magazine. Reporter Bobby Ghosh writes, "The most successful interrogation of an al-Qaeda operative by U.S. officials required no sleep deprivation, no slapping or 'walling' and no waterboarding.

"All it took to soften up Abu Jandal, who had been closer to Osama bin Laden than any other terrorist ever captured, was a handful of sugar-free cookies."

I cannot believe that in this day and age, we're actually still debating whether or not sugar-free snacks should be considered torture.

Have you ever tried Diet Dr. Pepper? Have you attempted to swallow it? I have. There is nothing about the experience that is any way similar to the senatation of eating food.

I still have nightmares from time to time.

Update: I've just managed to obtain photographic evidence of this new technique being used on one of those so-called terrorist monsters.