Holy shit! God — the Lord Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth — has it in for Barack Obama! At least, that's what Southern Baptist minister and former VP candidate Wiley Drake* recently told Alan Colmes…

Colmes: So you're praying for the death of the president of the United States?

Drake: Yes… I think it's appropriate to pray for the will of God. I'm not saying anything, what I'm doing is repeating what God is saying…

Wow! God is apparently saying that He wants Barack Obama to die. I wonder what Obama did to Him specifically. I'll bet they're fighting over Joe Biden's soul. Knowing that guy, he probably sold it to both of them while drunk on Genny Cream Ale. You know what I'm saying? (I'm saying Joe Biden is like my Uncle Albert.)

But, hey, I guess this also means that God isn't capable of just killing Barack Obama on His own and has to go around complaining about him to friends like Wiley Drake. Maybe what He needs people's prayers because they help charge His all-powerful battery pack that He uses for smiting people.

It's amazing how much I learn from religious people.

^{* With Alan Keyes, obviously.}

Alan Colmes — formerly of Hannity and Colmes — debuts his brand new show on Fox News…

I begrudgingly think that's kind of funny, even though I'm 100 percent certain that Fox really kicked the idea for a show just like that around for at least a few days.

Thing is, I actually would like to watch that retrospective of the life of Noam Chomsky.

Update: That clip is actually from April Fools Day — I believe from the opening segment of Hannity's show — so that means I'm more than a month and a half slow on getting that up.

Which, when you think about it, is pretty good for me.

Alan Colmes is leaving "Hannity & Colmes" and Jon doesn't know how to put his feelings into words. Thankfully Hall & Oates have a song about how much Colmes means to all of us.

Daryl Hall sings it best with "I hadn't noticed he was there, but he's gone." How are you going to feel about his absence?

When the Bush Administration abdicates its throne in January, it will leave behind the redefinition of several administrative roles. The American vice president, for instance, is now a joint member of the executive and legislative branches as well as his own military branch in the war against pheasant-hunting old men.

Even more drastically changed is the role of White House Senior Advisor, which Karl Rove transformed from a middling policy job to one of great importance — ranking somewhat above U.S. President, but slightly below CEO of ExxonMobil.

Now with Rove banished to Fox News, (where he becomes the most liberal employee following the departure of Alan Colmes), the White House Advisor job transfers to David Axelrod, Barack Obama's longtime strategist.

Fun facts about Axelrod…

* He kind of hates Karl Rove.

* He is Jewish. This makes him an unlikely co-conspirator in Obama's planned destruction of Israel, which was reported by noted foreign policy analyst Joe the Plumber.

* He probably had a lot to do with Hillary Clinton's Secretary of State nomination, since she practically cured cancer as a favor to his wife.

* Although he sports the classic "advisor's mustache," he's still miles behind the dean of his profession, Rasputin.

I know it's hard to imagine Fox News' finest daily hour, Hannity and Colmes, without imagining Alan Colmes' loud pounding voice laying down strong liberal values and upbraiding the mild-mannered Sean Hannity for mouthing all his conservative talking points, but I guess we're just gonna have to get used to it.

Colmes is leaving the show at the end of the year…

"I approached Bill Shine (FNC's Senior Vice President of Programming) earlier this year about wanting to move on after 12 years to develop new and challenging ways to contribute to the growth of the network," Colmes said in a statement. "Although it's bittersweet to leave one of the longest marriages on cable news, I'm proud that both Sean (Hannity) and I remained unharmed after sitting side by side, night after night for so many years."

Sean Hannity said Colmes was "a remarkable co-host," "great friend," and "skillful debate partner."

No word yet on who — if anyone — will be taking Alan Colmes' place beside Sean Hannity.

I'd like to take this opportunity to let the executives at Fox News that I've got an old coat hanger I'm selling real cheap. Email me!

Because watching Fox News people make asshats of themselves never fails to bring joy into my life…

We all know how much Sean Hannity abhors authors speaking out politically for or against a specific candidate.

It's nice to see Robert Kuttner make such a big showing for bald, nerdy guys everywhere.