And yet, and yet…

Palin's report also lists her as owner of "Pie Spy LLC," described as a marketing business. It's referred to as "Services for the Elderly and Persons with Disabilities" in the state's corporation database. The address of the business is listed as the office of Palin's lawyer in Anchorage, Thomas Van Flein.

What the… "Pie Spy"? Marketing services? Elderly and disabled people?

You know, if this were coming from anyone else, I'd be wondering how it's possible to combine these things into a single concept that makes sense. But we're talking about Sarah Palin! Words simply lose all meaning whenever she enters the picture, which is why soft fusion blackboard pillow in the climbing chicken open green.

Answer: Ask not what you can do for unemployment, but what unemployment can do for you…

Todd Palin won't be pulling a hard-core winter shift on Alaska's frozen North Slope, home to the richest oil fields in the country — at least not with energy giant BP.

Company spokesman Steve Rinehart said Todd Palin submitted his resignation effective Sept. 18. Todd was a production operator on Alaska's North Slope. Production operators manage oil gathering centers, hubs where oil comes together from multiple wells.

See that? See how the Palins have created well-paying jobs, two of them at least, in the state of Alaska?

It seems Sarah Palin talked about everything, literally everything, from the econopocalypse (blame over-regulation) (??) to China ("makes people nervous") to Afghanistan to health reform to the Fed to, who knows, Trig's bowels?

Let's listen in as the unemployed lady tackles another hot-button issue: immigration…

She also spoke about how Alaska once shared a land bridge with Asia. And she noted that her husband's Eskimo ancestors crossed that bridge. "To consider that connection that allowed sharing of peoples and bloodlines and wildlife and flora and fauna, that connection to me is quite fascinating," she said.

INCORRECT. There is nothing "fascinating" about sneaking off to a foreign country to admit that your husband's family is full of Illegals. Come on, Sarah.

Todd Palin better not be getting any health care, ever.

Just take Levi Johnston. Not only is he getting his own not-brave-enough-to-get-naked spread in Gay Fancy Magazine (or something), but he's also having tales sung of his brave adventures by ironic-pianist balladeer Ben Folds, whom, I promise, Levi Johnston has never ever ever heard of.

But what about Sarahcuda? Where's her folk ballad? She's twice the folksy ballaverick her granddaughter's father is. Well, she doesn't get a song; she gets a whole opera!

"Say It Ain't So, Joe," a presentation by Guerilla Opera, opens Saturday at Boston Conservatory's Zack Box Theater. The work is composer Curtis Hughes' musical take on America's favorite moose-hunting winker, you betcha. It focuses on that contentious — and sometimes comical — debate from October 2008 between Palin and Joe Biden…

"It is a tragedy about Palin," he said. "Both characters view themselves as saviors of America. And even though I'm not trying to hammer people on the head with a single interpretation, you know that Biden will triumph in the end. But the central figure certainly is Sarah Palin. I found myself having this odd pathos for her, a pathos I would not have felt if I were not writing music for her."

What an interesting coincidence! I've found myself with an odd pathos for a lot of things for about a year or so now.

(link probably NSFW)

In Alaska's defense, that cold weather can't be doing any good.

So do we learn that Sarah Palin is, in fact, the author of several economics textbooks? Do we discover that she has been studying foreign policy, or English grammar, in a secret office under a hockey rink? Well, no. We "learn" that Sarah Palin is a hypocritical twit who spends most of her time thinking up ways to become more famous and/or wealthy, which, wow, that sure turns a lot of commonly held beliefs about the former governor the opposite of upside down.

I'm sure Levi Johnston "wrote" this "scoop" for reasons completely unrelated to any desire to become more famous and/or wealthy himself, and certainly he'll only take off his pants for Playgirl because of moral obligation, so to thank this young buck for service to his country, I've coined a new word in his honor:

john·ston (jŏn'stən) noun. A thing that holds a prominent place in American culture for reasons that seem increasingly insignificant the more prominent the thing becomes; a thing whose contribution to American culture is, largely, to prompt discussion about whether or not the thing deserves to have a place in American culture.

Feel free to use it yourself, in sentences also too — or just tell it to other people and have them write it down for you. Enjoy!

Next on Ms. Palin's agenda? A trip to Asia, her first ever, to address the CLSA Investors' Forum in Hong Kong. Take that, everybody who says Sarah Palin lacks foreign policy experience…

CLSA Asia-Pacific Markets, a Hong Kong-based brokerage, announced Monday that the former Republican candidate for the U.S. vice presidency and, until she resigned last month, governor of Alaska, will address the Sept. 21-25 [Investors' Forum] in what a press release called "her first international speaking engagement outside North America."

But look! Also too! The CLSA forum is "Asia’s premier investment conference providing unrivaled corporate access to 1,300 global fund managers from 32 countries, representing more than $10 trillion in funds under management," which means that Sarah Palin will simultaneously become an expert in international finance, all in one trip!

And if the multitasking Ms. Palin samples a traditional dim sum feast during her visit, why, she'll be able to launch her own gourmet cooking show just as soon as she gets home.

The Anchorage Daily News in Alaska is reporting, and The Providence Journal is repeating, a tantalizing rumor that Sarah Palin is going to move to Rhode Island. No one has confirmed that (including us, and we tried). Even the Anchorage paper which started the speculation says it's probably not true.

But frankly, Sarah Palin — the former Republican vice presidential candidate and Alaska governor — is a queen of surprises so one never knows…

Got that? Sarah Palin is probably not moving to Rhode Island, but maybe she is because she's unpredictable and can possibly do a lot of stuff. Run with it! Put it on Page One. Use a huge banner headline: SARAH PALIN TO MAYBE DO STUFF! It'll sell a quazillion papers and singlehandedly rescue journalism from the cusp of oblivion!

But, hey, don't stop there! Let's report on some other stuff that crazy, unpredictable Sarah Palin could possibly do in the realm of things that are not completely out of the question.

Hold on! Stop the presses! It has just come to my attention that Sarah Palin might one day decide to apply for a job at NASA and become the first former governor in space. Holy wow! What a crazy thing for Sarah Palin to maybe do! I hope that doesn't get in the way of her genetics research that, for all we know, she's been doing in her possible long-term quest to engineer a real life Sasquatch.

Can you believe all this important news I'm breaking here? Somebody get me a Pulitzer Prize!

* New governor Dan Sullivan bravely vetoes Prop 64, ensuring Alaskans' right discriminate against the gays.

* Twitter beat:  "I'm thinking of showing up to a gun rally with the proposed health care bill strapped to my waist." – Gonzalo

* Matt Taibbi quotes Cheese Wagstaff: "This is some shameless shit right here."

* Exactly what kind of pornography is Fox News's Gretchen Carlson familiar with? And does hers usually have a "public option"?

* Bob Novak truly has gone off to a better place.

And now look! Real journalists are sitting down with this guy and asking him actual questions about stuff and then writing down what he says as if any of it is a real thing that anybody should care about.

Out of fucking control!

Excuse me, Mr. Johnston! This is an important question of national interest that the readers of my real life newspaper need an answer to! While you were banging the governor's daughter without a condom like a political genius, did you have any thoughts on what roll the United States should play in the global economy of the 21st Century? And is she more of a screamer or a heavy breather?

And please speak slowly, because I want to write down every single word you say.

(via War Room)