The Boston Globe reports that a new internal Congressional Research Service report and government sources say there are an unprecedented number of death threats against President Obama — and that the Secret Service is insufficiently funded and staffed to deal with them…

[T]he election of Barack Obama has increased threats against the president's life by 400 percent from his predecessor, according to "In the President's Secret Service," Ronald Kessler's account of presidential security… The Southern Poverty Law Center issued a report back in August that found that the number of white supremacist militia groups has spiked by 35% since 2000.

Whoops! Sorry. My mistake. Turns out that wasn't funny. Like at all. No, that wasn't even a little bit. It was actually kind of more like terrifying and depressing than it was funny. Yikes! After only ten months, people already hate and want to kill Barack Obama 400 percent more than they hated and wanted to George W. Bush after eight years? When you get right down to it, that's pretty much the exact opposite of funny. Wouldn't you say?

Hmmmmmm… I wonder what is the one thing that white supremisist militia groups — not to mention the health care protesters with guns and people on writing Facebook polls about whether or not Barack Obama should be killed — hate most about him. What could it be?  Wow. This is a very difficult question to answer.

I suppose they're just really, really oppose a public option for health care. I mean, that's pretty much the only thing I can think of.

"He was a quintessential Kennedy, in the sense that he had all the warts as well as all the charisma and a lot of the strengths," said Norman J. Ornstein, a political scientist at the American Enterprise Institute.

"If his father, Joe, had surveyed, from an early age up to the time of his death, all of his children, his sons in particular, and asked to rank them on talents, effectiveness, likelihood to have an impact on the world, Ted would have been a very poor fourth. Joe, John, Bobby… Ted.

"He was the survivor," Mr. Ornstein continued. "He was not a shining star that burned brightly and faded away. He had a long, steady glow."

So, Ted Kennedy's greatest strength was his ability to not get himself killed in war or assassinated at an early age? Am I wrong, or is that the takeaway message from that quote?

Now, I'm not a fancy New York Times obituary writer, but — to my crude non-obituary-writing ears — that seems like kind of shitty thing to say about a person who just died.

But I guess that's why the New York Times never did hire me to write obituaries for them. (Though, I'm still holding out hope that my resume slipped between the desk and the wall.)

Coverage continues after the jump.

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Tinfoil Hat Tantrums: Conspiracy theories are the favored refuge of the politically shellshocked. Which is why the Right Wing can't stop spinning nonsense about President Obama. Reihan Salam responds to their most popular, paranoid trope: that our President is a secret Muslim. Possibly, a double top secret Muslim. [thedailybeast.com]

Debunking The Obama Effect: David Weigel takes a rhetorical Ginsu knife to the rhetorical conservative trope that President Obama won office surfing a tidal wave of support from African-Americans. That, in fact, he won because he was a racial novelty. In fact, blacks have consistently voted Democrat for decades. Much the way Jesus has personally voted Republican since, oh, dinosaurs roamed the Earth 10,000 years ago. [washingtonindependent.com]

Assassination Attempt By Car: A driver tries to ram the Dutch Queen during her annual parade, and ends up killing five. Nick Squires unravels the facts surrounding this truly bizarre attack on a European royal family. [telegraph.co.uk]

"I am extremely sorry that this incident occurred, and I do not believe that it reflects the values which make our community a great place to live and raise a family," Larsen wrote. "Parents must realize that things said in anger or even in jest can have lasting repercussions not only damaging young hearts and minds, but a city's reputation."

That's nice and all, but what has apologizing ever accomplished? Rexburg Schools Superintendent Geoffrey Thomas knows what I'm talking about.

"In our district there was an isolated instance of children making regrettable and unacceptable remarks in regards to harming President-elect Obama," Thomas wrote in a letter to parents Monday. "Word of this behavior leaked out to a hyperactive media and bloggers which in turn distorted way out of proportion the comments that were made, painting the entire community with the same negative brush."

My thoughts exactly! Leave it to the hyperactive media and bloggers to distort "assassinate Obama" into something bad.

Please do not be influenced by this horrific act.

We understand that such a quick and effective elimination of competition may prove tempting, but are of the feeling that this behavior is anathema to the appropriate code of conduct for a U.S. presidentia. Though we are aware that each and every one of you, the 2008 candidates, are able and capable candidates, willing to change the strategy of your campaign given the wisdom of new-found information (you, in particular, Mr. Romney), we would like to ask that you use a modicum of self-restraint given recent developments.

We must also address our comments to our current president, George W. Bush.

One of the likely outcomes of Bhutto's assassination is that elections will be suspended. Such a thing may seem like a positive development, Mr. President, but condoning or instigating such developments is below the conduct expected by a head of state.

It may seem kind of odd that we would bring this up at this point, but we felt it necessary given your November 21, 2007 comment regarding Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf's declaration of emergency rule, when, after he fired members of the Pakistani Supreme Court, you stated that he "hasn't crossed the line" and "truly is somebody who believes in democracy."

Given that, we thought: Eeehhhh… let's just broach the subject.

So, let's just agree that all candidates — both parties — live to see the end of this process. For old times sake, huh?