Or something.

I don't know. I stopped reading after I'd kinda gotten the gist.

The weird thing is, the filmmakers started shooting back when even godless liberal d-bag idiots like me (but more like Matt Tobey) thought him becoming president was laughably impossible…

[Amy] Rice conceived the idea of making a documentary about Obama long before the Illinois Senator announced his decision to run for president. Inspired by his oratorical skills and star appeal at the 2004 Democratic Convention, she set out to film his political career in 2006. Rice approached documentary producer [Alicia] Sams, who joined to co-direct and actor Edward Norton's production company, Class 5, agreed to produce the project. After Norton approached Obama's team with the idea, the senator agreed to grant the filmmakers what turned out to be unprecedented and exclusive access.

"Initially, it wasn't even about a presidential campaign; the idea was simply to examine the political experience of a promising young politician of our generation," says Norton, a two-time Oscar nominee.

You know the old Latin saying, Cui bono?, right? I'm not sure but I think that means, "Are you leaving, Bono?" Well, now we know who had the most to gain from asking Bono if he was leaving.

Think about it.

Well, somebody stole it out of your head and is now selling posters of it…

This guy Dan Lacey has somehow gotten a hold of a bunch of your dreams, which he's keeping hold of over on his blog. So, if you want them back, that's where to go.

But, you know, I've seen them. And I don't think you want them back.

See also: Wanna See Sarah Palin Naked?

Tempted as you may be, I cannot stress enough how unwise it is to take this as an opportunity to imagine what happens behind closed doors at Fox News. Trust me when I say that is a bottomless Cremaster-esque pit of horror you can never climb out of.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Not only is our new president a foreigner and a socialist and a terrorist, but he's also a gay!!!

However, it's still unclear to me whether Obama was having the scandalous homo-ffair with John McCain or Paul Newman. Or was it maybe the rampaging chimp?

(via Perez Hilton)

And that top-grossing production company made that video as it best knew how…

Lucid Films Presents – The Stimulus Package

The theory is almost too perfect to be true. Barack Obama, the son of politically progressive parents, was born Aug. 4, 1961 — almost nine months to the day after John F. Kennedy was elected to the White House. Is it possible Obama was conceived on that historic night?

And if so, could history repeat itself? In the hours and days since Obama's victory, many of his exhilarated supporters have been, shall we say, in the mood for love.

And though it's too soon to know for sure, experts aren't ruling out the possibility of an Obama baby boom — the kind of blip in the national birth rate that often follows a seismic event, whether it's scary (a terrorist attack) or celebratory (the end of World War II).

Hopefully, these kids will be happier, more docile and less scared-shitless than their seven-year-old siblings.

If the Maverick rhetoric in the presidential campaigns is doing anything, we hope it’s motivating everyone to get out and vote. Which is why we’re giving away a real Maverick, absolutely FREE to all voters. All men, not just Joe Six Pack, love the Maverick sleeve ($20 value) by Vibratex. He’s always there to lend a hand, he works for every man, and he bucks the status quo.

I feel like bucking the status quo right now. I want to buck the hell out of it.

Wait, it gets better. We’ve got one more enticement. A free Silver Bullet ($15 value), because that’s what our country needs right now, a magical solution to difficult problems. Babeland’s most popular compact mini-vibe feels fantastic and is a great stress-reliever during these troubled economic times!

Aw, man, I just relieved my stress all over my hand. Yuck.

Bring a voter registration card, ballot stub or your word of honor that you cast a ballot on November 4th and we’ll give you either a free Maverick sleeve or a Silver Bullet. This offer is good at any Babeland location in New York and Seattle November 4-11, while supplies last.

Even if you don't have the hard evidence you slipped your ballot into the slot, your word of honor, via oral confirmation, is enough, because who's more honorable than a sex-shop customer? The election is in your hands, people!

Let's all applaud the good people at Babeland for insuring that this election, there's one poll that can't be denied (hint: it's your penis).

Hurray for excessive innuendo!

Obviously, the problem is not that Barack Obama doesn't love America.

It's that maybe he loves America a little too much.

(via Townhall)

So, obviously, you're gonna need to pick up one of these new Barack Obama dildos…

He stands 7½ inches tall, nearly 2 inches in diameter, with a golden color and firm, smooth feel.  Made in the USA from the finest TPR rubber, phthalate-free, waterproof, with no batteries required.  The Head O State will stand upright and last the whole night through.

Not recommended for the dishwasher or for use by children.

Not recommended for children?

But, how else am I supposed to teach "comprehensive sex education" to my toddlers?

(via Fleshbot – NSFW)