There are eleventy billion unemployed people in the United States right now, give or take a zillion, and a large package of federal unemployment benefits provisions is set to expire this weekend, leaving a whole lot of folks without Cobra subsidies and unemployment insurance payments. That's a bad thing, In These Tough Times!

So the House approved a temporary extension of these benefits, but late last night the measure hit a wall in the Senate, because of cranky old Jim Bunning (R-KY)…

Ninety-nine of the Senate's 100 members have agreed that people whose benefits are set to run out should be allowed to continue receiving them past the February 28 deadline. One senator–Bunning–disagrees. He says the benefits should only be extended if they're paid for with stimulus dollars. Democrats don't like that at all.

If Bunning were to relent, the extensions would be granted automatically. But, per the Senate rules, any single member can throw a wrench into an otherwise universal agreement.

Unsurprisingly, Bunning couldn't care less about any of it: "I have missed the Kentucky-South Carolina game that started at 9:00 and it's the only redeeming chance we had to beat South Carolina since they're the only team that has beat Kentucky this year," he said on the Senate floor.

Wow. I know what you're thinking, but don't worry.

Kentucky won.

This, as well as anything, explains why Dems can't seem to get any legislation through out there…

Sen. Dikembe Mutombo (R-CO) showed that he is still one of the most dominant big men in Congress Thursday, blocking a record 16 bills in one legislative session.

The 7-foot-2 senator, who broke the record previously held by Sen. Shawn Bradley (D-NJ), Rep. Arvydas Sabonis (D-OR), and current Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), batted away legislation left and right, sometimes swatting bills so hard that they were sent flying all the way back to committee…

"He's like a brick wall out there," a visibly tired and sweaty Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) told reporters. "Sen. Mutombo's arms are so long that if legislation is introduced anywhere in his vicinity, he's probably going to knock it away. There's no way we are going to get health care through with Mutombo out there."

Now, who wants to discretely sex Sen. Mutombo?

See also: Filming of Congressional Reality Show Disrupts Committee Meeting

Scott Brown was totally not kidding about that whole basketball game thing with the President…

Sen. Scott Brown (R-Mass.) and his daughter, Ayla, say they're serious about their proposal to play hoops with President Barack Obama at the White House.

And now the father-daughter team is taking it a step further: They'd like the option of opening the game up to the public in order to raise money for Haiti.

"I think it'd be really fun… I was thinking why not charge admission. It'd be a really good game knowing me and my dad — we're very competitive — and give all the proceeds to Haiti," Ayla Brown said Monday in an interview with ABC News.

I think this is a great idea for Brown, but not such a great one for Obama. Scott Brown already effectively unseated Obama from the Oval Office by beating Martha Coakley for a Senate seat in Massachusetts. If he and his daughter beat him on the court as well, I don't see how Obama's would ever be able to come back from that kind of humiliation.

I mean, he'd have to leave Washington in disgrace, take up a drinking habit and spend his days puking up his esophagus in some seedy Illinois motel bathroom, until the day that he falls so deeply into a Wild Turkey-induced stupor that he wakes up on a b-ball court surrounded by a darkened void and finds Ted Kennedy standing at the other end of the court. The deceased statesman from Massachusetts — his voice distant and echoey at first, though increasingly close and warm — would of course challenge the confused and unshaven president to a game of H.O.R.S.E. And, through playing that game, Obama would re-find his political mojo.

Upon waking in his vomit-encrusted motel bathroom, he would immediately pour the dregs of his whiskey bottle down the sink, hop into a Stevie Wonder musical montage and begin training for his return to the Capitol.

Upon returning to the garbage-strewn, dilapidated halls of the White House, he would discover that, in his absence, Dick Cheney and his horde of reanimated Republican corpses had taken over the country.

And that's when it's time to kick some zombie ass!

So, yeah, I'm not really sure that accepting Sen. Brown's challenge is such a wise decision, politically speaking.

It's been more than 24 hours since Scott Brown was elected to the Senate. So, why haven't we heard confirmation that he's running for president in 2012?

Jeeze! What's up with this guy being so evasive?!

Who do you think he's gonna choose for his running mate? I'll bet you it's Bobby Jindal. Well, for the first term, at least. In 2016, I bet you he'll switch things up and go with Bristol Palin. And does anyone know what his plans for his presidential library are?

Just so many questions!

Who is the dudeliest dudely dude in all of America? Dude, you even gotta ask? It's this dude, Barack Obama. So posits the New York Times, anyway, in a lengthy weekend story that opens with the provocative lede: "Does the White House feel like a frat house?" (Spoiler alert: chug, bro!)

The president, after all, is an unabashed First Guy’s Guy. Since being elected, he has demonstrated an encyclopedic knowledge of college hoops on ESPN, indulged a craving for weekend golf, expressed a preference for adopting a "big rambunctious dog" over a "girlie dog" and hoisted beer in a peacemaking effort.

"First Guy's Guy," what does this even mean? Is the NYT trying to subtext something about Todd Palin? Dunno, bro. What we do know is that there are no girls allowed in the clubhouse when certain things, like the economy and national security, are being discussed. (Well, duh. Girls just shop and release secret cryptographic algorithms all the time.)

More importantly, there are no girls allowed at the golf games Barack Obama plays when he should be working, or playing basketball. Except finally this weekend he let domestic policy adviser Melody Barnes tag along on the links, maybe because as domestic policy adviser she would bring cookies. Wait, no, that's a job for the communications team…

In the same week as [another fucking] basketball game, Anita Dunn, the White House communications director, hosted a group of women reporters for an off-the-record meeting with [senior adviser Valerie] Jarrett over chocolate chip and oatmeal cookies.

And I bet they had a blast, those lady typists, chit-chatting over cookies. It's what they want, right? The White House gals also get to work on health care, and whatever it is Hillary Clinton does, and they throw baby showers for each other. Doesn't mean Barack Obama is, like, afraid of girl cooties…

One Democratic media strategist says that while Mr. Obama does place women in important roles, his comfort level with staff members is not always perceived as equal.

So what? We know separate isn't equal, except for the gays, but the situation here is "non-separate but inequal," which is just what you get for choosing the lifestyle of two X chromosomes, anyway. Besides, Barack Obama is president! We live in post-racial America, and according to everything I've read, sexim is nonexistent even more often than racism is nonexistent, so obviously this is much ado about nothing that exists at all in the first place.

Courtesy of The Full Ginsburg…