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Gird your blogs, because if liberals in Congress get their way, President Obama will have sole discretionary authority to shut down the Internet or critical parts of the Internet should he feel his presidency is being tested. Worse, under the guise of cybersecurity, Obama will essentially be granted the power to destroy free speech on the Web.

On April 1 of this year, Sens. Rockefeller, Snowe, Bayh and Nelson introduced bills S. 773 and S.778, collectively called the Cybersecurity Act, which would give President Obama dictatorial power over the Internet during a time of national crisis or emergency.

Don't get me wrong: Concerns that President Obama and liberal congresspeople are plotting to declare martial law over the entirety of the Internet and start dictating what right-wing bloggers are allowed to say is in no way a completely-invented issue that borders on the senseless ravings of a sanatarium resident.

It's just that I'm more concerned with the high-levels of Goblin that scientists have been discovering in our drinking water.

What you may not realize is that inside the Beltway, the likes of Tom Brokaw, Michael Wilbon and company are considered second-tier celebrities. Sure they may have fame and fortune, but can any of those guys invoke cloture on floor debate or suggest the absence of a quorum?

For those kinds of stars, we want you to meet the men and women who keep Washington running… Escorts.

But also, here are some photos of us with members of Congress.

Here's California Congressman Henry Waxman, who celebrated his recent election as Chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee by purchasing a shiny new pair of platform shoes.

The hottest name in Washington right now (or at least since Rep. Virgil Goode (R-VA) lost re-election) has to be Roland Burris, the brand-new Senator from Illinois. Here he is caught off guard by a man wearing a wet cat on his head, whom he mistook for Governor Rod Blagojevich.

Sen. Olympia Snowe is a real nice lady who represents the State of Maine. She grew up in Augusta, moved to Auburn, but now lives in Falmouth, which is over under Cuxabexis down to the Penobscot County line, cross to Caucomgomoc, then get on a snow machine and head yourself down to Piscataquis… well… actually you can't get theah from heah.

We had a great time with Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson, who wants you to know that Omaha is the home of the College World Series and Warren Buffett — and is a great stopover on your way to Wichita.

And here is Florida Senator Bill Nelson, who is also a nice man. Although come to think of it, maybe this one is Ben Nelson, which would make the other guy Bill. We understand that this kind of confusion is always popping up between President Jimmy Carter and Dwayne "Lil Wayne" Carter.

Jesse Jackson, Jr. looked trim and fit at the Illinois State Society Gala, and the ladies on his arm would certainly agree. No doubt Jackson had just arrived from a 3 hour sparring session at Sugar Ray Leonard's Maryland gym, preparing for his upcoming prize fight with Rep. Michele "Rambo" Bachmann (R-MN) on the House floor.

Well, now that there's video…

…it's clear to the sharp-eared among us that Coburn wasn't singing Elton John's 1972 classic "Rocket Man."

He was singing William Shatner's 1978 classic "Rocket Man" (and he's not the first to be inspired by it):

Man, it's a good thing I'm high as a kite right now…

Forget all those inaugural concerts. The most pressing musical issue in the nation's capital is whether a stone-face senator from Oklahoma will hit the high notes in "Rocket Man" to pay off a college football bet.

Republican Sen. Tom Coburn is slated to serenade Democratic Sen. Bill Nelson of Florida with his very own rendition of Elton John's 1970s classic Wednesday afternoon.

Coburn owes Nelson because the Florida Gators defeated the Oklahoma Sooners 24-14 in last week's BCS title game. Nelson chose "Rocket Man" because he is a former astronaut who flew on the space shuttle Columbia in the 1980s.

If Oklahoma had won, Nelson would have had to sing the title song from the musical "Oklahoma!" It also happens to be the official state song.

If Plaxico Burress hadn't shot himself in the leg, you wouldn't have had to know about that.

So far, it's full of all the pathos and heart wrenching speeches you would expect.  For instance Sen. Bill Nelson of Nevada Florida(sorry guys, late night), previously known for sitting politely and voting as he is told, just finished a speech of the type he's probably only used to making every six years.  He talked about some disabled woman wanting the Florida and Michigan delegates to be counted, which is compelling, because as we all know, the disabled, like children are always right. 

Watch the DNC Rules Committee Meeting Live

If the above "Justin TV" embed doesn't work, you can always try c-span. Now C-Span doesn't have an embedded player that we can put on the blog here, nor does it have a universally functional Flash player, but if you squint your eyes just right and pretend it's 10 years ago, you can watch the whole thing on Windows Media or RealPlayer.