I have to admit that if there was a chance in hell that this was coming through New York City, I'd be seriously tempted to throw down the money to see this…

Enough is enough — it's time for the truth from somebody who'll give it to you straight, whether you like it or not. Actually, make that… somebodys — Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck. This January, they're coming out from behind their desks and going on tour. Your town may never be the same.

My God! The twin diamonds that dangle most brightly from the Fox family's jewel sack. On tour together! Is this the greatest cultural event of our lifetime? I'm sure it's the greatest cultural event of somebody's lifetime.

Don't miss out on the rare opportunity to see these two men live on stage. It's an event that makes professional wrestling seem like a night at the opera.

Can you even imagine getting to see these two guys up on stage together? This thing is totally going to make professional wrestling seem like a night at the– Wait, what?

Aw, man. That was gonna be my punchline.

This cartoon from Al Gore's Current TV had the temerity to label poor little Sarah Palin — who never said an unkind word about another human being — as a "Twilf" and showed her Twitter handle as being "Gun-Ho."

Obviously, this is the biggest scandal ever in the history of these United States of America…

That bit at the end, with Glenn Beck gleefully hurling his own feces at detractors, that seemed unfair.

He'd almost certainly be crying.

In light of Tuesday's elections, one thing is abundantly clear: If you want your boring local election to gain unwarranted national weight and prominence, hold it in an off year. Better yet, don't even hold it in November. Move your deputy county comptroller election to April 2011, and watch it become a bellwether referendum on the future of all carbon-based species.

After the jump, coverage of the election results continues with The Daily Show.

The Daily Show and Colbert Report air Monday through Thursday starting at 11pm / 10c.

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On last night's Daily Show, Jon Stewart did a lengthy segment about the Obama Administration's so-called "war on Fox News," and the network's assertion that they only broadcast actual news nine hours per day. It's sort of like how Cat Fancy magazine is really only 35% about cats, and the rest is paranoid fear-mongering. Or how when you go to Yankee Candle Company, nine of the shelves have candles and the other 15 have t-shirts with Obama wearing a Hitler mustache. It's called diversifying.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Okay, here's your problem. You've got this 24-hour cable news channel that lots of people have been criticizing as being less news-y and more entertainment-ish. What do you do?

That's right. Sneak attack a U.S. congressperson who has been critical of you, TMZ-style…

Problem solved.

Taken separately, John Kerry and Dick Cheney can be difficult to handle. But as a combo, they're sort of a balanced political yin and yang. Kerry bores you into a brain-dead slumber, but just before you fall completely into a coma, Cheney says something infuriating that jolts you awake and gets your blood boiling, but just before you have a stroke, along comes Kerry… The resulting inner-harmony is similar to the technology behind Segways.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.